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Im scared of having children

Linda1989

Linda1989

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Mar 12, 2016
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297
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PA
If i ever find a husband im afraid of having children with him, not that im scared of giving birth, there so many evil people in this world, everyweek a child is kidnapped, rape , neglected or killed by adults or bigger children. This world is not a good place for children, i was verbally and neglected by my parents which is the reason why my life is the way it is. Children have no choice to be born in this world thats what makes me so angry. If i do have children i will probably go crazy if something happens to them.
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

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Mar 20, 2019
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297
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Scotland
With respect, you don`t HAVE to have children.

Marriage isn`t about children, it`s two folk wanting to make a commitment together.

Yes, so have children.Some don`t. You`re not a breeding machine.

If you are adamant on that, that is fine, just be sure any suitor is aware of that. So they know where they stand and nothing is misconstrued.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Tigger and Willow's house UK
it should be your choice as to whether you have kids or not, Linda :grouphug:

The bit that scares me, personally, about having kids is the actual giving birth part :hidesbehindsofa:
 
Shiroki

Shiroki

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It is and always will be your choice to have kids. But creating a life with someone you love is beautiful, and children are so much more than a “liability”. I assure you if you ever did have a child, there would be a lot more involved than just constantly worrying about their safety. I worry about mine all the time, what they are doing, where they are, who they are talking to. But rather than focus on those thoughts, I do the best I can to prepare them for life. I teach them, gently, that there are dangerous people out there and thst this is a dangerous world. But the benefits of having children? Innumerable, to me. Above all else, it is the purest source of unconditional love, and the best chance to make a lasting influence in the life of a human being. But of course, these are just my feelings on the matter, even as someone who had a rough childhood, I’d never regret them.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Nov 10, 2019
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336
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England
It is very sad for those of us who feel so anxious of the world, possibly too damaged ourselves too, to consider having children. It seems to me to be just a dream for a me who didn't have to go through what i went through. I have a cat and i find it hard to give her all she needs so maybe that was a sign for me. I wish dearly that i had gotten married, had babies, 3 maybe, had a mortgage and made dinner every night. People i know go to work all day, come home and look after the family, all ready for the next day. They find time to book holidays and buy school uniforms, presents, throw parties. I am exhausted just typing that.

It is painful to not have those things or it used to be. I still can physically have them but time is running out. I don't know what i will do in the end. Maybe i will get drunk and go and have sex with anyone and everyone? I doubt it.

We aren't the only ones. Who knows? You may meet a nice man and then that decision will be made. I think it is about the man, then you want to have a baby with the man. Have the man's baby. That is how i think about it. One of the only things we cannot really do on our own without them.

Cats are precious and here for people like me.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Tigger and Willow's house UK
It is very sad for those of us who feel so anxious of the world, possibly too damaged ourselves too, to consider having children. It seems to me to be just a dream for a me who didn't have to go through what i went through. I have a cat and i find it hard to give her all she needs so maybe that was a sign for me. I wish dearly that i had gotten married, had babies, 3 maybe, had a mortgage and made dinner every night. People i know go to work all day, come home and look after the family, all ready for the next day. They find time to book holidays and buy school uniforms, presents, throw parties. I am exhausted just typing that.

It is painful to not have those things or it used to be. I still can physically have them but time is running out. I don't know what i will do in the end. Maybe i will get drunk and go and have sex with anyone and everyone? I doubt it.

We aren't the only ones. Who knows? You may meet a nice man and then that decision will be made. I think it is about the man, then you want to have a baby with the man. Have the man's baby. That is how i think about it. One of the only things we cannot really do on our own without them.

Cats are precious and here for people like me.
I agree with Tawny's post :grouphug:
 
Shiroki

Shiroki

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It is very sad for those of us who feel so anxious of the world, possibly too damaged ourselves too, to consider having children. It seems to me to be just a dream for a me who didn't have to go through what i went through. I have a cat and i find it hard to give her all she needs so maybe that was a sign for me. I wish dearly that i had gotten married, had babies, 3 maybe, had a mortgage and made dinner every night. People i know go to work all day, come home and look after the family, all ready for the next day. They find time to book holidays and buy school uniforms, presents, throw parties. I am exhausted just typing that.

It is painful to not have those things or it used to be. I still can physically have them but time is running out. I don't know what i will do in the end. Maybe i will get drunk and go and have sex with anyone and everyone? I doubt it.

We aren't the only ones. Who knows? You may meet a nice man and then that decision will be made. I think it is about the man, then you want to have a baby with the man. Have the man's baby. That is how i think about it. One of the only things we cannot really do on our own without them.

Cats are precious and here for people like me.
I can tell you that those things seemed out of reach, tiring, too much effort to me before. When I was at my worst I assumed no one would ever love me and hated myself. I hated everyone and assumed everyone just wanted to take advantage of me. Learning to change starts with changing how you think. People usually say “I can’t change how I feel.” And that might be true. But you can start to change how you think about things and how you choose to act after you feel something. To say you don’t is to deny you have free will, which I don’t believe is possible, but I won’t disparage other people’s beliefs. I think if we feel we can’t have have good things or don’t deserve them, it becomes obvious what the biggest obstacle to life is. Ourselves. I know this is all idealistic sounding, but I’m speaking from experience. I know not everyone is the same and everyone feels things differently and has different circumstances and life experiences. But I think sometimes we are too quick to make those excuses for why it’s impossible, instead of just reasons why it’s hard, but still possible.
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
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5,828
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Nowhere
n yeah you know what I did have a bit of a crisis about it a few years ago
but now I'm so glad that I didnt have children
I dearly love my nieces and nephews
but it wouldn't be like that if I had to live with them all the time
I get irritable and stress with things
and thats not good for them to be around all the time

I get to go to toyshops and have fun finding things
that they will love and they get really excited when I visit !

this is also one of the biggest things
to beat ourselves up about
either because we had kids and thinks we are a bad mom
or because we didnt have them and arent like other people !

and ' other people seem to do this and that and the other '
I have been there with these thoughts
and have worked on them to turn it around
so that I can enjoy my life !

:grouphug: 🕯 :loveshower:
 
Shiroki

Shiroki

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Messages
304
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n yeah you know what I did have a bit of a crisis about it a few years ago
but now I'm so glad that I didnt have children
I dearly love my nieces and nephews
but it wouldn't be like that if I had to live with them all the time
I get irritable and stress with things
and thats not good for them to be around all the time

I get to go to toyshops and have fun finding things
that they will love and they get really excited when I visit !

this is also one of the biggest things
to beat ourselves up about
either because we had kids and thinks we are a bad mom
or because we didnt have them and arent like other people !

and ' other people seem to do this and that and the other '
I have been there with these thoughts
and have worked on them to turn it around
so that I can enjoy my life !

:grouphug: 🕯 :loveshower:
Zoe makes a good point of doing stuff at your own pace too. Life is not a race where we need to compare our lives to each other in order to determine their value. It’s something we are thrown into and have to endure the best we can at our own individual paces, making the best choices you can in the moment.

For what it’s worth, I know I made it sound like I actually have my own children, but they are step-children. I see them as my blood though, and I don’t like calling them step-children. But what I have with them is something you don’t need a biological time clock to worry about. There are people who make mistakes, and children are born of these and abandoned. My girls were abandoned and treated like garbage by the men who created them. To me they are the most valuable thing in my life even if I came a little late into their lives. Zoe other point is good too. Not everyone can handle children, and some can only handle them in small doses. It’s up to each individual to figure that out what they want and what they have to pursue if they want to be happy.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
336
Location
England
I don't have nieces and nephews, i only have three people in my life and see them twice a year. Life was very busy and full, then i was very ill, then it was very quiet. Medication made me sleep more also. I have rebuilt myself and made myself a nice home, got my cat, live a quieter life.

I would like more but i think for some people, like me, it is important to stop striving for the impossible too. It took me years to realise i was not capable of everything i used to be. Dreams had to alter. I still have those dreams, far in the distance, and hope they are realised, but if they aren't, i will cope.

I am alone tonight, made a nice meal for myself and a pudding too. I have wine and have had a bath. I'm sitting with my cat and feel fine with this. I would prefer to be at a dinner dance, coming home with my husband to kiss my children and pay the babysitter, but that hasn't happened yet.

I could go on dating sites but i would be sitting there trying not to think about my next ESA review and how i may not be able to get housing benefit with my PIP alone. Life is different for some people. If anyone has any suggestions about how i can reach my dream i'm all ears.

If i get a job, would i just cope? That is the big question always there. I could meet a man also on ESA also not well. I don't think i could cope with that. I could meet a rich man and be a housewife. Where do i find him? I need to get out there but where?

I think we are all trying to get somewhere. It is hard with benefit reviews hanging over your head. I think lifetime benefits allowed people to have a life. Maybe it is my anxiety? I don't know, but i feel out of that game too, like you do. Keep your eye out, keep trying new things, say hello to people, look up, smile, talk to people.
 
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