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I'm Really Going To Miss My Therapist

prairiechick

prairiechick

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My therapist is on holidays and I won't see her for 3 weeks.:low: At first I thought I was going to be okay with it, as she has someone filling for her to do my neurotherapy treatments. But I guess I've really developed an attachment to her, and I am really going to miss her. I have plans to go hard core on my raw vegan diet and focus on that, as well as focus hard core on my classes that will be starting up on Jan. 6, but it's still going to be hard. I just want these next 3 weeks to go by fast.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hopefully the next 3 weeks will pass by rapidly. It sounds as though your plans will keep you busy, which will hopefully help.
 
prairiechick

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Thanks. I know she completely deserves her holiday, and I hope she will have really nice time, but I'm still going to miss her like crazy. I know I've gotten way too attached to her, and right now I feel like I don't want therapy to end because I really like her and like to be with her.
 
Purple Chaos

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I know what you mean. I think some of it's a general comfort and safety thing too. When you regularly see someone, whether therapist, counsellor or even GP. We know that if things get a bit wobbly that we'll be seeing them again within a few days. If the next three weeks pass as quickly as the last three have, hopefully you'll be okay.
 
prairiechick

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I am going to want to give her a great big hug when she gets back. I have to admit that part of the reason I want to focus so hard core on my diet is because there is a part of me that wants her to notice my weight loss and be concerned about me. How messed up is that?
 
Purple Chaos

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I don't think it's messed up but I hope you don't lose too much weight too quickly and become unwell.
 
prairiechick

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I know this isn't the eating disorder section, but I think I am in danger of losing weight too fast. I certainly won't get down to a healthy weight in 3 weeks because I have about 85 pounds to lose, but I can already tell that I am getting into restrictive eating, and even if I wanted to, I don't think i could stop myself. I'm still at the stage of trying to play this smart by not reducing my calories too low too fast, because I don't want my metabolism to slow down, but I know that declaring myself to be a raw vegan is a "legitimate" way to avoid the foods that are my greatest temptation and downfall.
 
Purple Chaos

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I suppose it's all about balance and keeping an eye on things to make sure it doesn't get out of hand and too far. I hope everything goes well for you PC :hug1:
 
prairiechick

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Feeling pretty down today. I really don't want to spiral down into depression again. Since the neurotherapy started I've been doing pretty well.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I know this is totally irrational, but my therapist being gone is triggering my fear of abandonment issues. I know she's just on holidays, but it is so hard to not see her for 3 weeks, since for the last 2 months I have been seeing her twice a week. It's stupid, I miss her and it hasn't even been one week. I feel bad, because I'm starting to feel angry at her for not being here, but she deserves her holiday 110%. I hate having all these conflicting emotions, and I hate the fact that I am mad at her, because she doesn't deserve it and I don't want to be mad at her. I feel like I am one totally fucked up idiot. I just miss her SO MUCH.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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I know this is totally irrational, but my therapist being gone is triggering my fear of abandonment issues. I know she's just on holidays, but it is so hard to not see her for 3 weeks, since for the last 2 months I have been seeing her twice a week. It's stupid, I miss her and it hasn't even been one week. I feel bad, because I'm starting to feel angry at her for not being here, but she deserves her holiday 110%. I hate having all these conflicting emotions, and I hate the fact that I am mad at her, because she doesn't deserve it and I don't want to be mad at her. I feel like I am one totally fucked up idiot. I just miss her SO MUCH.
I actually don't think it's irrational at all. You realise that she deserves her holiday but you also know that it means she'll be unavailable for a certain amount of time. You respect her but you need her. That's not fucked up. :hug1:
 
pepecat

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I know this is totally irrational, but my therapist being gone is triggering my fear of abandonment issues. I know she's just on holidays, but it is so hard to not see her for 3 weeks, since for the last 2 months I have been seeing her twice a week.
It IS very hard when you're having therapy - good therapy - and are attached to your therapist, to let her go for three weeks. I used to hate breaks when I had therapy, and she took them quite a lot..... every half term, christmas, easter, three weeks in summer. The 'logical' part of me got it - being a therapist is knackering and they have to re-charge, and they have families etc to be with as well..... but the 'emotional' part of me often hated it and would close down in order to cope.
In one way it's irrational, but in another, it's really really not.

It's stupid, I miss her and it hasn't even been one week.
It's not stupid. You're allowed to miss her. She's important to you and you like 'being' with her in therapy. What's stupid about that?

I feel bad, because I'm starting to feel angry at her for not being here, but she deserves her holiday 110%. I hate having all these conflicting emotions, and I hate the fact that I am mad at her, because she doesn't deserve it and I don't want to be mad at her.
But in a way, she's exactly the person TO be mad at. It's with therapists that we work out all the stuff we didn't get a chance to work out as kids, because our parents wouldn't let us, or told us to shut up, or we felt we couldn't because we had to be 'good' or whatever - insert your own appropriate situation here.
In therapy we have a safe place and a safe person with whom to work out that stuff. It's the transference thing.
We transfer our anger at whatever towards our therapist, and figure it out with them, in a non judgemental, non rejecting, non critical environment, with someone who isn't emotionally attached to us (in a way that a parent or friend is), someone who, if we get angry with them won't let it ruin the relationship......
So you can BE mad with your therapist when she comes back - tell her how you felt and how it triggered your fear of abandonment, and try and work it through with her.
She might well pick up on how you feel anyway - these therapists have a habit of doing that.... :D :rolleyes:
 
prairiechick

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Thank you so much, pepecat. I really feel like you get what I am going through, and it is reassuring to know that someone else understands.
It IS very hard when you're having therapy - good therapy - and are attached to your therapist, to let her go for three weeks. I used to hate breaks when I had therapy, and she took them quite a lot..... every half term, christmas, easter, three weeks in summer. The 'logical' part of me got it - being a therapist is knackering and they have to re-charge, and they have families etc to be with as well..... but the 'emotional' part of me often hated it and would close down in order to cope.
In one way it's irrational, but in another, it's really really not.


It's not stupid. You're allowed to miss her. She's important to you and you like 'being' with her in therapy. What's stupid about that?


But in a way, she's exactly the person TO be mad at. It's with therapists that we work out all the stuff we didn't get a chance to work out as kids, because our parents wouldn't let us, or told us to shut up, or we felt we couldn't because we had to be 'good' or whatever - insert your own appropriate situation here.
In therapy we have a safe place and a safe person with whom to work out that stuff. It's the transference thing.
We transfer our anger at whatever towards our therapist, and figure it out with them, in a non judgemental, non rejecting, non critical environment, with someone who isn't emotionally attached to us (in a way that a parent or friend is), someone who, if we get angry with them won't let it ruin the relationship......
So you can BE mad with your therapist when she comes back - tell her how you felt and how it triggered your fear of abandonment, and try and work it through with her.
She might well pick up on how you feel anyway - these therapists have a habit of doing that.... :D :rolleyes:
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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It's still 18 days until I see my therapist again. I don't know how I am going to get through until then. I just miss her terribly. Right now each day feels like 3 days, and 18 days feels like an eternity. If I can't manage 3 weeks without my therapist, how on earth am I going to manage once therapy is finished, and never see her again?
 
prairiechick

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I am scared I might go back to self-harming, because I feel mad at my therapist, and I'm mad at myself for being mad at her. She doesn't deserve for me to be mad at her.
 
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