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I'm not sure what's really wrong

GhostRagdoll

GhostRagdoll

New member
Joined
Jan 2, 2019
Messages
2
Hi there, I'm a new user. You can call me Marie.
A bit about myself before I bring up what's bothering me right now, just so you have some backstory.
I'm 26 years old and have been suffering from depression for 19 years now, I also have NVLD. For the past 7 years, I've been suffering from DP/DR due to a traumatic experience, or rather, multiple in the span of two months.

For a few years now, about 10-11 or so, I've been having weird episodes where I wake up at night and toss and turn, almost in a half-asleep state. Not paralyzed, mind you, but my brain shoots off countless trains of thought, none of them making any sense, to the point I'm disoriented and freaking out.

Last night, for example. I woke up in the middle of the night and my brain started screaming at me about various things. I can't remember them all, but there were at least four different trains of thought speeding through my mind, yelling at me to focus on them. One was about Thor, another was about war plans such as moving tanks and stuff. It got so bad that I had to rush into my bathroom and lay on the floor, rocking back and forth and just begging these thoughts to leave my head.

My first experience with this was when I was about 15-16 years old. I was playing a videogame a lot, constantly. We were on vacation, and one night I awoke and my brain started up. "Fight these monsters. They're coming. They're coming from all sides." Which left me tossing and turning. I knew it wasn't real, but my brain just kept throwing those thoughts at me, over and over, and over.

This isn't what I'd call a super common experience. Maybe a couple times a year, but every time it's just as jarring and horrible. It always keeps me up.

I guess what I'm asking is, A) is this "normal" and B) what any of this even means. It predates my DP/DR, and while I spent a lot of my childhood being abused mentally, I don't really know if I can say this is some stress response. Sure, I'm stressed, but normally my brain just shuts things down and I go numb.

Does anyone else get this? Am I alone? Are these psychotic episodes that I should be worried about? I'm worried about it now.

I hope somebody out there can at least point me in the right direction of what this *might* be, so I might be able to see a doctor and talk to them about it. Having a name for this sort of problem instead of just rambling about it might help, y'know?

Thanks for your time.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
3,778
Location
Sheffiield
Hello Marie, I think what you're experiencing is hypnopompic voices (hypnopompic means as you're waking up as opposed to hypnagogic which means as you're falling asleep), this can be quite common but not usually to the extremes you're having it, more often than not it's just a word or two.

I'm on an antipsychotic for hearing voices all day long and it lowers the volume of my voices by around 95% but before I started taking them I used to get hypnopompic and hypnagogic voices aswell that were in my inner ears instead of in my mind where I hear them now.

For you a low dose of antipsychotics for a short period of time may help, they probably won't stop them completely but would reduce the intensity.

Take care and let me know how things progress.
 
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