• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I'm not sure if I'm suicidal or if I'm just being self destructive

D

DarkCloudWindyDay

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2020
Messages
1
Location
UK
I've been having a really tough time recently. Everything just feels overwhelming and like I should be handling it better.

My spouse also suffers with depression and anxiety and also seems to be having a 'flare up'. I guess the difference is that they express themselves, at least to some extent to me. They have outbursts and tell me what they're feeling. All of which I understand, support and know is needed for them to say.

The problem is that I don't feel I can do the same. I feel like it would burden their already struggling mind. They're suffering so much and I don't want to make it worse. But now I'm stuck feeling all of these emotions with no outlet whatsoever. I've been crushing up high doses of diazepam and taking Co-codamol to try and dull the feelings. I know I've been taking way too much but it's the only thing that gives me any relief right now.

I don't have anyone in my life I can talk to.

I've also resorted to self harm again. A few injuries are more severe than others. I've been trying to hide them and my spouse doesn't seem to have noticed.

I feel like I need help but I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge. I don't have anyone else I can reach out to. I just feel alone while also feeling like I have to make sure the person I love doesn't feel like that themselves.

I would appreciate any advice anyone has to offer. Thank you.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,523
Location
Sweden
Can you talk with a gp or therapist? So you have anyone you can talk to. Because it must be hard carrying everything alone and not have a place to let the feelings out.

Also it’s not good of you taking more medicine than what you should, without a doctors observations. It can go really bad.

I also think it would be good talking to your partner. From what I know after observing friends, is that when you hide things and they find out. They will often hurt even more because they couldn’t be there for you. Your spouse have showed a lot of trust towards you and I’m quite sure your spouse would also know when you are at your weakest.

If you can’t talk with your spouse and don’t want to reach out for a gp/therapist. Have you tried any helping lines where you can call and just talk with a person. Helping lines can be quite helpful and worth a try to reach out to.
 
anex

anex

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
309
Location
USA
Hi, there! You know, my partner would probably relate to this a lot.
I’m like your partner- ready to express how I’m feeling and good at bringing it up. If they’re anything like me, they would WANT you to talk to them and confide in them.
I’ve been having a shit go again for a year. It’s been miserable. But I want my spouse to talk to me, too. To confide and spill and lay it all out. Despite my struggles, I do absolutely have room for his. I’m sure your spouse has room for you, too.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
I I am stuck in a rut. Not sure what to do. Depression Forum 5
H At a loss - Not sure what else to try to help depression Depression Forum 6
Beachgirl Depressed boyfriend...not sure what to do. Depression Forum 2
R New here, not really sure what I'm doing Depression Forum 4
J Existential "crisis", not sure where to post. Depression Forum 9
Fairy Lucretia im not sure who to trust Depression Forum 6
A I'm at my wit's end, and I'm not sure if I mind. Depression Forum 3
Y not sure how too cope Depression Forum 8
vanish Not sure what to say... Depression Forum 11
DistantOcean Coping with suicidal thoughts and feelings Depression Forum 3
I Supporting a suicidal partner Depression Forum 4
NatashaFaye Suicidal Depression Forum 5
L Why? Suicidal. Depression Forum 17
H I'm too suicidal Depression Forum 20
A Anhedonia and suicidal thoughts. Depression Forum 4
B Suicidal Depression Forum 17
D Depressed, hopeless, suicidal. Depression Forum 7
floater Suicidal Depression Forum 8
MeAndMyDepression How often do you have PASSIVE suicidal thoughts? Depression Forum 76
apple2003 tw: suicidal, feeling like a burden, out of control Depression Forum 9
CKM1234 Feeling very suicidal today Depression Forum 15
G Suicidal from lack of sleep Depression Forum 50
A Suicidal thoughts and panic Depression Forum 50
J Struggling with suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 8
A Feel like being encouraged to be suicidal Depression Forum 322
Q Tips on how to manage suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 14
goingpiano I feel so lonely (tw suicidal thoughts) Depression Forum 5
D Depressed/break up / suicidal Depression Forum 10
A Suicidal thoughts Depression Forum 7
K Would rather be dead than alive (not suicidal) Depression Forum 4
T My Suicidal Thoughts Depression Forum 2
B Suicidal again.... Depression Forum 13
T Feeling really suicidal Depression Forum 9
M Suicidal ideation. Depression Forum 11
A I get these suicidal thoughts all the time Depression Forum 19
X I have suicidal thoughts because of how I look Depression Forum 4
D Feeling suicidal Depression Forum 27
DistantOcean Suicidal Vibes Depression Forum 14
sunset547544 Suicidal Thoughts ; Why? Depression Forum 6
D Living with a Narcissistic mother, i feel suicidal Depression Forum 7
B Depression mostly lifted, but I'm having sudden despair and suicidal urges. Depression Forum 3
B Feeling suicidal Depression Forum 25
D abused from my father till the age of 27 !! Tired of being treated like a kid Depression Forum 12
Capri19 Being Brave Depression Forum 2
A Being happy instead of sad a matter of will? Depression Forum 25
D Not being able to meet girls. Worsening my depression. Depression Forum 15
U I hate being told to make the best of how things are, when things can be better Depression Forum 7
W Prefer being alone Depression Forum 4
W I want to go back. Back to not being dead Depression Forum 2
Imverytired123 How can you stop being manipulated by people? Depression Forum 14

Similar threads

Top