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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I'm not sure how to start, but I think I need to let this go.

A

Arekusu881

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Dickinson
So my name is ----. From a young age I've had a lot of anxiety and fear. I'm almost certain it and being kind of high strung is part of my personality.

As I got older I became more conscious and it became worse. I withdrew from absolutely everyone but family in my late teens. I saw that my friends noticed a change in me and made mention of it. I didn't want them to see me like this, so I effectively dissapeared. My anxiety thinking became a life form of it's own and my thoughts were corrupted and negative, and I believed them. I spent a lot of years wanting to connect with people and be "normal" and just not knowing how. And because I was just unable to for some reason, depression began to set in.
I turned to medication for help. I don't want to get into that very much, but long story short, it was a nightmare. It's safe to say it didn't work.
After that experience I was much more depressed, lost, just unsure of everything. The years go by some more and I started dating, to which I found more questions, difficulty, loss (I won't get into that here either).
The years continue to pass by and what started as anxiety for me in the beginning, evolved into full on clinical major depression. I guess I'm here because I need to figure something out. I want to live an at least somewhat fulfilled life, but I see that my every waking thought is corrupted and often I just lay in bed with no will in site and no care at all to change. Where this will take me I don't know, but I may as well write this down.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,417
Location
England
Some of us are so lucky
We are born abnormal :)
Welcome to the club
You will like it here :)
 
Louizard

Louizard

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Joined
Apr 29, 2020
Messages
129
Location
Italy
Welcome to the forum.
You did well, writing it down, it helps to get advice from others, and to see a general picture of what happened.
I am very young still, but my mother is wise and told me the best truth when I was at my worst: picture a glass with dirt at the bottom, and that is you. To clean the glass, you need to fill it with water first. And the water will get dirty, it'll look worse than before, now you can't even see through the glass. If you keep pouring in the water, the dirt will spill out and clean water will replace it.
What this means is that in order to get better and live a fulfilled life, you have to get to a point when it looks worse than before. My huge advice is to try and keep keep trying with medications (and the help of a professional of course) until you find the right one(s) for you. It took me five years, for example. You add that to a therapy and all the dirt at the bottom will start rising, then spilling out.
Of course I make it sounds so easy... It's not, it's a challenge, but it's one hundred percent possible- and what's the point of life if there is no challenge? After all, you can enjoy a fulfilling life even more if you know you worked hard for it, and I know you can; nobody has determination like you do.
Good luck, and feel free to let go all of your feelings
 
Storm in a Teacup

Storm in a Teacup

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
133
Location
Timbuktu
So my name is ----. From a young age I've had a lot of anxiety and fear. I'm almost certain it and being kind of high strung is part of my personality.

As I got older I became more conscious and it became worse. I withdrew from absolutely everyone but family in my late teens. I saw that my friends noticed a change in me and made mention of it. I didn't want them to see me like this, so I effectively dissapeared. My anxiety thinking became a life form of it's own and my thoughts were corrupted and negative, and I believed them. I spent a lot of years wanting to connect with people and be "normal" and just not knowing how. And because I was just unable to for some reason, depression began to set in.
I turned to medication for help. I don't want to get into that very much, but long story short, it was a nightmare. It's safe to say it didn't work.
After that experience I was much more depressed, lost, just unsure of everything. The years go by some more and I started dating, to which I found more questions, difficulty, loss (I won't get into that here either).
The years continue to pass by and what started as anxiety for me in the beginning, evolved into full on clinical major depression. I guess I'm here because I need to figure something out. I want to live an at least somewhat fulfilled life, but I see that my every waking thought is corrupted and often I just lay in bed with no will in site and no care at all to change. Where this will take me I don't know, but I may as well write this down.
I too suffer from severe anxiety and depression. It's gotten worse over the years, debilitating and taken over every area of my life. I dropped out of university, been unable to work, lost the friendships and relationships I had. It just keeps stealing everything. Years ago, whilst I was at uni, I was diagnosed and found that most drugs don't agree with me because of physical issues, but I had cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and found that useful. I've just gotten back in touch with the mental health services in my area and been referred for more of that, because they believe it will help me a lot. So if there is anywhere in your area that offers CBT or DBT, if may be worth looking into that.
 
A

Arekusu881

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Dickinson
Hi, I've heard of CBT before, and I've heard great things about it. Sometimes I don't know what to do. Maybe being crazy will put me down a path least walked, and we'll it has. And maybe that can be could if I hack the machine and be a runaway cog, that runs away with all the special things and some money. And I wonder if I want a "normal" life. I've already had/tried one, and it was bullshit. Sorry if that language isn't allowed. I'm definitely not being aggressive though lol.

It's just hard to figure it out. I suffer daily, I suffer hourly, and sometimes I don't know if I need to. Maybe I could somehow dial back the suffering a little bit and keep the road I'm on.

Thank you for the response :). I'm just speaking my random and maybe pointless thoughts.
 
A

Arekusu881

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Dickinson
Welcome to the forum.
You did well, writing it down, it helps to get advice from others, and to see a general picture of what happened.
I am very young still, but my mother is wise and told me the best truth when I was at my worst: picture a glass with dirt at the bottom, and that is you. To clean the glass, you need to fill it with water first. And the water will get dirty, it'll look worse than before, now you can't even see through the glass. If you keep pouring in the water, the dirt will spill out and clean water will replace it.
What this means is that in order to get better and live a fulfilled life, you have to get to a point when it looks worse than before. My huge advice is to try and keep keep trying with medications (and the help of a professional of course) until you find the right one(s) for you. It took me five years, for example. You add that to a therapy and all the dirt at the bottom will start rising, then spilling out.
Of course I make it sounds so easy... It's not, it's a challenge, but it's one hundred percent possible- and what's the point of life if there is no challenge? After all, you can enjoy a fulfilling life even more if you know you worked hard for it, and I know you can; nobody has determination like you do.
Good luck, and feel free to let go all of your feelings
Hi. I think you're right, life isn't life without a little bit of struggle. But apparently I have interpreted struggle mostly as pain absolutely with nothing to be learned. That's good you found some medication that works for you. Thanks for the response
 
A

Arekusu881

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Dickinson
Some of us are so lucky
We are born abnormal :)
Welcome to the club
You will like it here :)
Sometimes I've thought that this struggle and suffering would push me to something greater. And sometimes I feel like I'm on my way and I'm striving to live my life a better way.
Other times, everything looks bleak and meaningless. But the way the world live in operates, is it right? Or is something wrong. I feel like somethings wrong
I'm being pretty vague tonight, or this morning rather.
But anyway, thanks for the response
 
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