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im not safe ive got to go get help

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crazystuntman

Guest
Im on the bus then the train to my mums.i cant tell her how messed up i feel.I spoke to my cpn and he wants to see me 2moro.but i said theres no point.he aint going to change how im feeling.so ive got away from danger for today and maybe tomorow.Im so angry and thats starting to scare me.As you dont want to be sh when your angry.It can become very dangerous.I dont want to die.But being so angry anything can happen.And ive been told by the phycistric team im under in my care plan (what a fxking joke that is) it say mr...is fully aware that the way mr.....is self harmimg that one day he will go to far and it will be to late to seek help.basicaly they put that in to cover there arses .So many things going bad.Since my blackbird mum got killed All the other birds have moved on.then the woods shitted up and the fxcking atos army are on my case.Do they reay think i want to be like this.gone from £700 cash to spend each week to a tenth of that.havnt even got any fxcking carpet in mt flat.
This is a rant SORRY
Im just so angry
God help anyone who trys to mug me on the bus or train.
I cant even say whats in my head.
Not even on a mh forum
Even if someone pm me i cant say
Im fxcking fumeimg
And my bite point is so close
Sorry a rant
Im dripping with swet
And my finger has gone all dry
Thats a sign things are getting out of control
Its only ever gone all dry when things aint right.
Strange but true.
So im going round my mums whos very down as shes just buried her dog
She wants to be on her own
But there is no where for me to go
Hospital wouldnt take me
Im more sain than half the staff in the acute unit.i told my cpn that.
He knows
Sorry
 
flowergirl

flowergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 8, 2012
Messages
1,499
Location
north east england
Hi
I know its hard when things come at once..one or two things can topple anyone in a fragile state youve done a tough thing asn said im not managing thats actually a really hard thing to do as im sure you know but havent given yourself credit for. You need to take yourself somewher quiet somewher in the open air away from the business of it all and just sit and breathemslowly if your not up to being outside go in your mums bedroom and lie on the bed with your eyes shut and just listen to yourself breathe picture somewher youd like to be on a beach or somwher sipping a cold drink and soaking up the sun. Now I know this will sound stupid to many but the immediate danger to you comes from your feelings of anger about all the shit you are dealing with and so if you can dissapate the anger you can get relief even if its just for half an hour its bliss for that 30 minutes.
 
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clouds

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 10, 2012
Messages
3,095
Hey csm
I'm sorry you're not feeling good and about your Mums dog too. There's no need to be sorry about having a rant so long as it helps and you can stay safe, hopefully it will help you and your Mum to see each other for a while. I can understand feelings of anger and being overwhelmed when so many things happen at once but you can get through this, ring your cpn when you feel ready, they'll want to know you're safe. A lot of birds have moved on from here too already but more will come back to your garden and the woods will get cleared of litter by other people who care about them like you, there are some of us out here:)
Take care and please let us know how you're doing, keep posting if you need to
clouds x
 
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crazystuntman

Guest
Thankyou all for your kind words.im at my mums.and its a sad place.she keeps crying.But ive bought her three albums on cds still rapped never played and we are listening to the first.
This album ive already got.well all three ive got.
But perfect for me ex raver from the days of wherehouse partys in east london.
So electronic music is in my vains
1,John hopkins --contact note.best album ive bought in ten years.and i by music regulary
Oh and hes a local lad only a few miles away from me.
2, ulrich shnauss--goodbye . fantastic an album you can play over and over
But the mastering is piss poor.but once youve got past that its a gem.
Also ulrichs living in london so again not far away from me.
3,john hopkins -- insides. Not john at his best but apealed to cold play as they asked john if they could buy two songs off this album.And so on there album two of johns songs but with chriss martins vocals.
Coldplay were so taken by johns music that they asked john if he would join them as the warm up artist on the second leg of there world tour

All these albums i have but had extra copys still unrapped so ive given them to my mum and we are sitting here listening to them.
Thankyou all.i did what was needed for now and its got me safe tonight.
Thankyou all.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx^_^xxxxxxxxxxxxXx
 
Angels_Fire

Angels_Fire

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2013
Messages
1,031
Location
Liverpool
Hugs CSM and I hope you are feeling better very soon :hug1:

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
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clouds

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 10, 2012
Messages
3,095
Hi csm
thankyou for letting us know and you're very welcome. I'm sorry your Mum is sad and crying but can understand, the loss of her dog must be very hard and for you too x It's lovely that you thought about getting the albums for your Mum and are both listening to them now, thinking of you both and glad you're safe
take care
clouds x
 
flowergirl

flowergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 8, 2012
Messages
1,499
Location
north east england
I am glad you managed today even though it was tough its was a victory because youre spirit wone the battle there will be more battles but remember you can win them and we are all here with you xxx
 
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Taff

Guest
Hi CrazyS
Your mum should be proud to have a lovely son like you, i know i would.
love to you and great taste in music too xxx Taffy x
 
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crazystuntman

Guest
Thankyou all again.This forum has some lovley kind people which means alot to me.xxxx
Taffy i wish i had some money as john hopkins new album has just come out this month
Plus the scottish duo boards of canadas long long awaited albums out this month too.
Well il just have to wait till next month.
But i will get them both.
Thanks again all.It means alot.xxxx
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
33,708
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi
sorry I only just saw this
huge hugs and lots of love from me
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
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Taff

Guest
Hello to you CrazyS xx
How are you feeling today, was thinking about you xx
 
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crazystuntman

Guest
Thanks lucretia and taffy.yes me and my mums mood is better than yesterday.but for me 24hrs is along time which useually has me up down side ways all over the place.Its been this way this intence for a good many years.last night didnt get to sleep till 3am to then wake at 5.30am.trouble is they wont give me diazipam or like or sleepers as ive abused them all in the past.But im potering around.including here of course.
Just a thanks to you two and anybody else who were kind enough to leave me a message here.
It means alot to me.xxxxxxxxx^_^xxxxxxxxx
 
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Taff

Guest
Hello again
just calling in on you my friend, hoping you are doing ok xx
 
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