I'm not guilty about my self harm

[Faawn]

I've heard friends who self harm and also people on the Internet talk about how much guilt they feel when they've self harmed.

I feel guilt at the upset my girlfriend might feels if she sees it. But other than that I don't feel any.

For myself... I don't feel any guilt when I self harm . I don't want to stop and I don't feel bad about it.

Am I weird???

 

[calypso]

We each self harm for different reasons. What are your reasons? I hope you don't mind me asking you. Guilt is also different for all people.

 

[Faawn]

I've had an eating disorder most of my life and that's been my main form of self harm. But lately those behaviours have lessened and my way of coping is other means of self harm.

I'm not sure why I do it... Sometimes I do it when I'm so depressed I'm numb. It kind of makes me feel something. But lately, like today I was hysterical and spiralling and in a lot of emotional pain and it grounded me. I guess it sort of gives me something to focus on.

And I look at the marks and feel proud of them. I would never want anyone else to see them but that's how I feel myself. I get fixated on looking at them.

I don't know if I'm allowed to say all of this. I hope I'm not saying anything that breaks rules.

 

[DucksOnWater]

hey, nope your definitely not weird, just different in your own way. just make sure you stay in control of it as enjoy from it can lead to escalation and that can get very dangerous. others around you might not feel the same so be careful on how, when or if you decide to tell them.

 

[george81]

I feel the same! I don't feel guilty and I don't want to stop. It doesn't bother me. It bothers me if other people were to find out so I keep my scars hidden. I know other people wouldn't understand so that's why I don't want them to see, or they'll think I'm weird, I've been called it before for doing it. I don't feel guilty for doing it because I deserve it and it helps me calm down for a bit. If someone told me I could never do it again I don't know what I'd do, it's just stopping me from taking my own life.

 

[FlowerBox]

I'm the exact same way. I don't understand why I should feel guilty about it anyway even if it did upset someone, in my opinion...it's not much different from drinking or smoking in the sense that some people can have negative feelings around it but not be able to stop, and some people just do it because they want to. It's just way more taboo I think..and i am not saying it should be taken lightly, like DucksOnWater said..stay in control! I am proud of my marks too, they are not in visible areas, just for me

 

[george81]

Thank you for your reply. It's so hard to have to explain to someone who's never done it or doesn't understand. I've been doing it for over 15 years now and can't stop. I've had counselling but to be honest I will always use it as my go to resource. I can understand why someone wouldn't understand about it but personally I have no desire to stop because it does provide so much relief. In fact I know I'd do it a lot more if it wasn't for me working in a job where I wear a uniform and have to have my arms bare. I really do fight strong urges to sh on my arms as I know people will ask questions I can't answer. Stay safe

 

[FlowerBox]

I think too many people don't even try to understand..and they don't try to understand that it's different for everyone...luckily I very rarely get strong urges I usually just do it when I have the opportunity & the timing is right but I feel for you and others who have strong urges and for those who really feel they can't stop. I have a friend who has had a much darker experience with it than what I do, she doesn't even know that I still do it because I feel like she just wouldn't understand my perspective of it and might tell my family about it. I just have no desire to stop either, I don't feel bad about it at all, it's not to punish myself
But I feel for those who use it in that way
I also understand why people don't understand it, it's very dangerous if you're not careful so yes stay safe and stay in control

 

[Ema]

There is no shame in that it is a some kind of a relief ive done it but you need to know form what it comes on a deeper level so you can help yourself get rid of that emotion and pain because youre so beautiful and we all are to harm youself and when you get to your happy place you wouldnt want to ever do that to yourself again you need to own your pain and dont let it turn you against youself...

 

[midnightphoenix]

you dont deserve self harms

you are a good person

 

[george81]

you dont deserve self harms

you are a good person

Thank you, unfortunately I'm not a good person and I do deserve it. I have caused other people hurt and I'm ashamed

 

[FlowerBox]

@george81 we all hurt other people sometimes..whether on purpose or not..if you are ashamed that shows you at least have remorse, maybe you weren't being a good person at the time you hurt someone but are you the same person now as you were then? I believe people can change...it just has to come from yourself..can you forgive yourself?

 

[george81]

@george81 we all hurt other people sometimes..whether on purpose or not..if you are ashamed that shows you at least have remorse, maybe you weren't being a good person at the time you hurt someone but are you the same person now as you were then? I believe people can change...it just has to come from yourself..can you forgive yourself?

Thank you for your reply. I had an affair (well, I was the other woman, I was single but the man had an affair with me) nearly 10 years ago now but the guilt eats at me. But even before that I felt worthless and was already self harming. I just ruin everything for everyone. I don't see why I'm here, I serve no purpose to anyone.

 

[FlowerBox]

@george81 im sorry you found yourself in such circumstances...especially since you were already self harming before then..,was the affair an act of self harm itself or to soothe the pain? You don't have to answer that, I am just thinking out loud, what I would ask myself if I were in the situation...
Do you really think you are a bad person still? I think everything we do every day serves a purpose, most of it for ourselves (not a bad thing) not everything has to be for other people. Of course it's nice to serve a purpose to other people but some of us need to take more time to tend to ourselves...the fact that you are on this website and open to talking about your struggles to work towards overcoming them...says a lot of good about you, I think

 

[midnightphoenix]

Thank you, unfortunately I'm not a good person and I do deserve it. I have caused other people hurt and I'm ashamed

bad people dont feel shame when they hurt another person

this proves you are a good person at heart