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I'm not depressed I just don't enjoy life anymore?

D

Darby

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Nov 9, 2013
Messages
178
I'm really unsure what depression actually is, there seems to be no way of knowing if you've got it or not. I'm constantly doubting that I have it.

What if you just don't find life enjoyable anymore, I can get up and do 50 push ups if I push myself, I can go and run for 3 miles if I push myself. So how can I possibly have depression?

Everyday I consider whether I want to live or not and I tend to find happiness in knowing that we'll all be dead and that we don't live forever, whether to end that life sooner rather than just extend a worthless life and one that you don't enjoy anymore, what is the point exactly?

I feel like a fraud, I no longer know what the hell is wrong with me, I just view life a lot differently than I used to, it's like I've got every experience in my mind I don't need to experience anything, it's all the same. I can smile and I can jump up and down and I can BE POSITIVE! but it doesn't change how I feel and the guilt I feel for absolutely doing nothing anymore. I wouldn't mind if I was a recluse on an island, I could live alone for the rest of my life and kill myself there or just lay in bed forever.

I don't really know what I'm asking.

I guess what's your opinion on the title of this post, about not being depressed just logically understanding that you'll never enjoy life again, you can see how pointless everything is. Is that depression when I can jump in the air and scream as loud as I can, if that even makes sense.
 
Parissa

Parissa

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Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
234
Location
Bedford
You could have agitated depression. A depression where you have lots of energy and racing thoughts, but they are depressed thoughts. I used to run around where i lived, and i would look over the fields and think this is a good place to die. I lay on the ground once, in the mud, just because i had had enough of the world. I had nothing left. A person stopped and called an ambulance and i went to hospital. I discharged myself because i knew the routine and knew it wouldn't help. I was better off at home. I was in this agitated depressive state for a long time. Such dark thoughts, poor sleep. It is very confusing for mental health professionals because a typically depressed person will act and think and talk slowly, but with agitated depression it takes someone smart to spot it because you will talk and move normally, but your mind is very depressed. Read up on it. I used to pull apart my scarf as i sat in front of the CPN talking. Just pulling the strands to pieces because i was sped up. It's a dreadful state to be in. I was told it was the anti depressant i was on that did it. Fluoxetine. I had the same problem with fluanxol. A type of akathisia too on both these medications. I would go and speak to your GP/Psychiatrist and mention agitated depression or akathisia.


You will feel better again one day. I'm better now, but the past was a dreadful time of mental agony and depression. I never thought i would ever feel better again but i did.

Love Parissa
 
D

Darby

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
178
You could have agitated depression. A depression where you have lots of energy and racing thoughts, but they are depressed thoughts. I used to run around where i lived, and i would look over the fields and think this is a good place to die. I lay on the ground once, in the mud, just because i had had enough of the world. I had nothing left. A person stopped and called an ambulance and i went to hospital. I discharged myself because i knew the routine and knew it wouldn't help. I was better off at home. I was in this agitated depressive state for a long time. Such dark thoughts, poor sleep. It is very confusing for mental health professionals because a typically depressed person will act and think and talk slowly, but with agitated depression it takes someone smart to spot it because you will talk and move normally, but your mind is very depressed. Read up on it. I used to pull apart my scarf as i sat in front of the CPN talking. Just pulling the strands to pieces because i was sped up. It's a dreadful state to be in. I was told it was the anti depressant i was on that did it. Fluoxetine. I had the same problem with fluanxol. A type of akathisia too on both these medications. I would go and speak to your GP/Psychiatrist and mention agitated depression or akathisia.


You will feel better again one day. I'm better now, but the past was a dreadful time of mental agony and depression. I never thought i would ever feel better again but i did.

Love Parissa
I will read up on it Parissa and thank you for commenting, it really really is a big help.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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You sound like me!!
I can function enough to go to work as I need to pay bills and once I'm there I think hey this isn't so bad and i can enjoy it.
I know what you mean about the feeling a fraud as i been told I put on a pretty good act at not being depressed but its just that I think work distracts me and as i work with people less fortunate than myself I have to be strong for them. I just don't understand why all the joy seems to fizzle away so quick when work ends.
 
D

Darby

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Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
178
You sound like me!!
I can function enough to go to work as I need to pay bills and once I'm there I think hey this isn't so bad and i can enjoy it.
I know what you mean about the feeling a fraud as i been told I put on a pretty good act at not being depressed but its just that I think work distracts me and as i work with people less fortunate than myself I have to be strong for them. I just don't understand why all the joy seems to fizzle away so quick when work ends.
Thanks for your response. Wildflower. It's helped.
 
D

Darby

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Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
178
Look at atypical depression also.

You're welcome :)
It seems more from a logical viewpoint, I don't think life is exciting, I don't understand why life is interesting anymore, add that with anxiety and there really is no point in being alive.

I mean I used to enjoy living but now it's a real drag to get through the day. It's not like I'm feeling down but I don't know why, I'm constantly reminding myself why I'm down and why everything means nothing to me?

Any ideas? atypical depression and agitated depression just don't seem to tick any boxes, of course I can find symptoms among them but I'm positive that's not what the problem is.
 
katya

katya

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Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
That sounds like depression to me. It affects people in different ways; some people can't get out of bed, but some people go on with their daily lives and just feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness/loneliness/pointlessness. I think it's about your outlook. Your outlook seems to be so negative and nihilistic that I'd say it must be affecting you in a variety of negative ways (which, to me, qualifies as depression). Plus, a common symptom of depression is a feeling of guilt for feeling that way in the first place.

I'd speak to a doctor, if I were you, so you can eradicate any confusion in that regard, so you can feel sure of what it is you need to work on. If you're not sure what's wrong with you, it's very difficult to know how to move forward.

Additionally (and this is just me musing on this idea), you talk about it just being a logical conclusion of the world that life is a bit pointless, but I think depression has to "make sense" for it to manifest in your mind... So, it'll seem logical to you that there's no (or very little) joy to be had in life... but doesn't it sort of have to seem that way, for you to accept that viewpoint and feel the depression in the first place? Is the fact that it seems logical to be depressed itself part of your depression? (Does that make sense?) It reminds me of that old saying: the best thing the devil ever did is convincing people that he doesn't exist.

I hope you feel better soon. I'd definitely recommend speaking to a doctor, anyway, because you can't be doing with feeling that way - nor should you. :)
 
D

Darby

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
178
That sounds like depression to me. It affects people in different ways; some people can't get out of bed, but some people go on with their daily lives and just feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness/loneliness/pointlessness. I think it's about your outlook. Your outlook seems to be so negative and nihilistic that I'd say it must be affecting you in a variety of negative ways (which, to me, qualifies as depression). Plus, a common symptom of depression is a feeling of guilt for feeling that way in the first place.

I'd speak to a doctor, if I were you, so you can eradicate any confusion in that regard, so you can feel sure of what it is you need to work on. If you're not sure what's wrong with you, it's very difficult to know how to move forward.

Additionally (and this is just me musing on this idea), you talk about it just being a logical conclusion of the world that life is a bit pointless, but I think depression has to "make sense" for it to manifest in your mind... So, it'll seem logical to you that there's no (or very little) joy to be had in life... but doesn't it sort of have to seem that way, for you to accept that viewpoint and feel the depression in the first place? Is the fact that it seems logical to be depressed itself part of your depression? (Does that make sense?) It reminds me of that old saying: the best thing the devil ever did is convincing people that he doesn't exist.

I hope you feel better soon. I'd definitely recommend speaking to a doctor, anyway, because you can't be doing with feeling that way - nor should you. :)
I never thought about it from that view point before, like you mention how some people can actually continue with their jobs even with that pit of emptiness in their minds. That gives me hope that I can do the same. It also makes me feel less bad, knowing that people take depression in different ways.

That's an interesting thought jtruth on that last paragraph of yours. I can see some of it being very true but it's not just that the world feels (is to me) pointless because before I had depression if that's what it is, I know I could delve into those darker more depressing thoughts without it bothering me, I laughed it off and not in a sort of scared, run away from the thoughts way but in a confident way. I could understand that life was pointless but carry on enjoying life in my own way. I guess I also feel like any dreams I had are gone because of how my thoughts have changed.

Thanks for your really wise reply.
 
katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
That's an interesting thought jtruth on that last paragraph of yours. I can see some of it being very true but it's not just that the world feels (is to me) pointless because before I had depression if that's what it is, I know I could delve into those darker more depressing thoughts without it bothering me, I laughed it off and not in a sort of scared, run away from the thoughts way but in a confident way. I could understand that life was pointless but carry on enjoying life in my own way. I guess I also feel like any dreams I had are gone because of how my thoughts have changed.
That makes sense. I kind of view the world like that: I think it's "pointless" in that there's no overall message to the whole thing, but that (to me) kind of makes it more interesting/beautiful at the same time, because you sort of create your own meaning out of it.

If you're struggling to find enjoyment out of life, though, however you view life, I definitely think you should speak to a doctor, as I say, because that is a sign that you're unwell - and you don't deserve to go through life without enjoying it!
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I think maybe medication could help you feel alive again, it can't hurt to try?
Usually depression comes in episodes so hopefully you'll be coming to the end soon :)
 
D

Darby

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Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
178
That makes sense. I kind of view the world like that: I think it's "pointless" in that there's no overall message to the whole thing, but that (to me) kind of makes it more interesting/beautiful at the same time, because you sort of create your own meaning out of it.

If you're struggling to find enjoyment out of life, though, however you view life, I definitely think you should speak to a doctor, as I say, because that is a sign that you're unwell - and you don't deserve to go through life without enjoying it!
Yeah it's not really a choice as to weather I enjoy it or not, I just don't and I can't
 
G

guadalo

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Nov 28, 2015
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1
I relate to this 100% and will say that only the ones of us that do will understand; agitated depression? lol everyone's desperate to put a word over how you feel, so they can understand, the truth is life's a bummer, wish I could help, but maybe you can find consolation in the fact that I feel the same, I guess I do so thanks for yr post because I know how hard anything is when you know the reward waiting isn't there
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
Hi Darby,

Im not qualified but long term feelings such as you describe fit the Model for Depression.

This is nothing to be ashamed of...our modern lifestyles are largely to blame.

Get your vitamin D levels checked first off. It may just be a supplement needed.

I've also started Omega 3 recently and I believe it is helping with my mood and sleep also.

I've been severely depressed for 4.5 years now and I've had every diagnosis under the sun.

Basically the depression hid other illnesses which is looking to be Bipolar 2, BPD, or (my bet) both.

Labels are helpful but only so you can read up and access proper treatment

A lot of people still think there's a stigma to being mentally ill

im as crazy as batshit and am still one of the nicest most honest people I know

I think everyone is mentally ill at some level...lol...you either admit it or you don't...!

Definitely get to your GP stat. Find a good Mental Health GP even if you have to travel miles - they are worth it.

Even feeling all the "shoulds" you are beating yourself up with are traumatic, all by themselves

So every day you may add more to your own shoulders by Shoulding yourself into real trouble

Depression is NOT your fault, any more than a bung knee is the fault of a person who played netball once

You cant control it by your mind power

It controls You.

Fighting alone is a recipe for disaster

we are all here for you

all the best

BDU
 
1

1988jag26

New member
Joined
Sep 17, 2016
Messages
1
I m having the same feeling.Nothing makes me excited i dont even know wht to write here as i feel nothing.

Sometimes i think i should end my life coz it is not giving me anything even aftr so much of hard work,yes i work very enthusiastically at my office, i practice my dance lessons ,workout everyday ,i eat very balanced diet and i even joined theatre for a while but it was too exhaustive with the job so i had to quit .my point is nothing gives me happiness.I tried almost everything and now i think i should give up.

You could have agitated depression. A depression where you have lots of energy and racing thoughts, but they are depressed thoughts. I used to run around where i lived, and i would look over the fields and think this is a good place to die. I lay on the ground once, in the mud, just because i had had enough of the world. I had nothing left. A person stopped and called an ambulance and i went to hospital. I discharged myself because i knew the routine and knew it wouldn't help. I was better off at home. I was in this agitated depressive state for a long time. Such dark thoughts, poor sleep. It is very confusing for mental health professionals because a typically depressed person will act and think and talk slowly, but with agitated depression it takes someone smart to spot it because you will talk and move normally, but your mind is very depressed. Read up on it. I used to pull apart my scarf as i sat in front of the CPN talking. Just pulling the strands to pieces because i was sped up. It's a dreadful state to be in. I was told it was the anti depressant i was on that did it. Fluoxetine. I had the same problem with fluanxol. A type of akathisia too on both these medications. I would go and speak to your GP/Psychiatrist and mention agitated depression or akathisia.


You will feel better again one day. I'm better now, but the past was a dreadful time of mental agony and depression. I never thought i would ever feel better again but i did.

Love Parissa
 
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