• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I'm new, I don't know whats wrong with me

ilovemycats20

ilovemycats20

New member
Joined
Mar 8, 2015
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Hi my name is Nic.

My whole life from about age 11 has been insanely terrifying.

I have suffered so much abuse in many forms such as sexual, rape, mental, emotional and physical.

It seems like I put myself in bad situations and these things keep on happening to me.

I am scared of myself, what is coming the next day and also how long i'm going to be able to keep this whole 'life' thing going for.

I mean my life isn't really anything right now, nor has it ever been.

I've always had potential to make something of myself, great grades (even with less than 30 percent attendance)... but I lack confidence, I don't like new people, I'm scared of situations. I'm terrified of being 'told off' or having someone angry at me.

I want to please everyone, but I never can. I'm always making these elaborate plans of what I want to do. But really I can hardly ever motivate myself to get out of bed.

I was diagnosed with a panic disorder after admitting to self harming when I'm unable to calm down. This happens often, I am terrified of being upset because I can not calm down. I can not control my breathing and I scream, I roll around, I shake, I bob back and forwards and in those moments I am so unbelievably scared.

I have been given 2mg diazapem tablets to take when this starts to happen. They are really helping but I am running out and I don't believe they plan to give me anymore.

I'm stuck.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
Hi ilovemycats20 and :welcome:

Normally with a background such as yours psychotherapy would be a good idea. How old are you now, can I ask? Often psychotherapy services are not offered to children because they're not deemed effective until the mind is fully formed.

If you're younger I guess your best option will be to do self help plus whatever counselling your school offers. I'd start by making a list of all my problems, and then researching them one by one, seeing if I could tackle first one, then others with the help of counsellors.
 
ilovemycats20

ilovemycats20

New member
Joined
Mar 8, 2015
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Hi Kerome thanks for your reply :)

:loveshower:

I'm 20 now, I moved out at 16 and have my own rented house so I would say I am definitely in a position for adult services.

After overdoses etc they have involved the 'crisis mental health team' but they only stick around for a few days - week max.

They are suggesting I may have borderline personality disorder and have referred me somewhere, but the waiting list is over 6 months long.
 
E

Ehrilato

New member
Joined
Mar 9, 2015
Messages
3
Be strong, pray to God and escape unwanted situations.
 
ilovemycats20

ilovemycats20

New member
Joined
Mar 8, 2015
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Thank you for your reply Ehrilato, but religion does not help me in any which way unfortunately. Glad it does for you.

:sorry:
 
Sparklypurplepaws

Sparklypurplepaws

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
914
Location
Lincolnshire
Hi nic,
Welcome to the forum
I'm so sorry you have been through so much, I find diazepam helps too, but unfortunately drs are reluctant to give them out - always worth going and asking though x I tend to ask even when not in crisis so I have some spare just in case!
 
Top