• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

im new, any help appreciated.

L

linzibaker

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2008
Messages
11
Location
southampton
Hi all

My name is linzi, I am 24 years old and i am a single mum of a 19 month old boy.

Im really glad i found this site, as i am gradually going crazy by myself, And ive gotta admit im glad im not the only one with problems. Everything seemed to start so far back i dont know what to make of it if im honest.

I have self harmed, tried suicide, im promiscuous, and suffer from depression. I dont know where to start, i have tried talking to my gp, but im sure he thinks im a hypocondriac, And i am too ahamed of what i have become to speak to my parents about things.

I had a good upbringing, my father adopted me when i was young and he is the only person i have ever known as dad, i never met my biological father so cant blame him for what i am!

When i was 12 i used to make myself bleed by sticking my finger up my bum and scratching myself, It was a bid for attention as eventually i got taken into hospital to find out what was wrong with me, I have given myself black eyes, chicken scratches, pulled my own hair out, attempted suicide, cut myself with razors.

I found love when i was 18 and got married at 21, but a year later i founf myself sabotaging my own marriage, by sleeping with other men, being promiscuous and giving my husband any reason to leave me. I made myself fall pregnant in order to keep my then husband, and then had an abortion when the father didn't want to keep the baby.

I eventually left my husband when i couldnt take it anymore, fell into the arms of another guy and fell pregnant straight away. it wasn't planned but i couldn't go through with another abortion. But then i found myself sabotaging that realationship too. messing him around.So i ended up alone again.

I have taken drugs in the past but they dont help in anyway, just make me think about things even more. I am a compulsive liar, i cant help myself, My moods are all over the place. I really dont know what to do about them.

I am on medication, i take 50mg of amatryptaline per day at night. but it doesn't help at all, just makes me a bit tired, but i still dont sleep.

Im sorry its so long, I just dont know what to do, i need to get better and look after my son, give him a better start in life than this, i dont want him to be like me when hes older.

Thanks in advance for your help.
 
ms_P

ms_P

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
3,067
Location
BeNeLux
Hi Linzi and welcome to the forum.:)
You mentioned that you take Amitriptyline. Who's prescribed it for you? Is there a chance that this person can organize talk therapy for you? Talking about things could be very helpful, whether it's with a psychiatrist or a social worker.
 
nickh

nickh

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Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
Hi linzi and :welcome: to the forum.

One thing that stands out is that you are not getting the help and support you need at the moment. Now this forum can help even if that is just at the level of assuring you that you are very far from alone (and that's important).

But you also need to get proper r/l help - the trouble is that is sometimes hard to find. Basically the first step is to find a good GP - that is one who will listen to you, take you seriously and make it their business to find the right treatment. And there are lots of treatments out there; both medical (drugs) and talking-therapies. For many people a combination of the two is needed - I'm one of those.

I'll comment on a couple of aspects of what you say where I have personal experience. First drugs (the non-medical kind:)). Basically these are bad. I don't say this from any moral position (sometimes I wish I was well enough to have some occasionally!) but because they are very bad for most MH problems. They provide a short-term fix (which is why they are so appealing) but the come-down makes the MH problems worse. So you really need to stay away from them - sorry if I sound pious but like I say I have been there and done them. Secondly the promiscuity. The problem here - and its very evident in your post - is that this can lead to guilt (again been there). And guilt is one the very worst things that anyone with MH can have. A good talking therapist should help with this. Again its not a moral matter but how it affects you and your health.

I'm not suggesting for a minute that changing things is easy - it is effing hard in my experience - but it can be done. And you are very far from alone.

Anyway hope that you find the forum useful - there are a lot of great people here who I am sure will be able to help you.

Nick.
 
honeyquince

honeyquince

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Joined
May 27, 2008
Messages
1,719
Location
Yorkshire
Hi Linzi and welcome to the forum. Sorry you're having such a bad time of it at the moment (and for what sounds like quite a few years now!!). I'm glad you've found the forum and it's great to have you here. This can be a great place just to talk about how you're feeling and the stuff that's going on in your life at the moment and it's an easier place to do that than sat in front of your gp and you can be guarenteed of support here.

It does sound like it would be helpful to talk to someone about how you are feeling, it's often been suggested that people print out what they've written here and taken that to their GP if they feel uncomfortable talking about it. One thing to remember is that GP's have, I think, seen and heard it and worse things before and they shouldn't judge you for what you are telling them. Since I've been seeing my gp for mental illness I've learnt to think of it as an illness like any other physical illness and so can talk quite matter of factly about it all (well, nearly :unsure:!).

Anyway, welcome again and do keep posting and talke care!
Honey, xx
 
L

linzibaker

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2008
Messages
11
Location
southampton
thanks for your replies, it is reassuring to know that there are more of me out there. lol.

My doctor has prescribed the meds for me, but as far as he is concerned its for postnatal depression. he doesn;t know about my other issues, its a great idea about printing out from here. i must admit i wouldn't have thought about that!

I know that i shouldn't do drugs, and i havent touched them since i had matty for the simple reason that i dont want him to see me on them. He doesn;'t deserve a life like that. he deserves better. the promiscuity, i dont know what i think it will achieve, it makes me feel wanted for a short amount of time, then i feel worse for it afterwards, and i knonw im never gonna find someone that loves me if im sleeping with these guys that ive only just met.

Thankyou for your kind words of help. it is much appreciated.
 
nickh

nickh

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Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
That's good linzi - there should always be someone here who will be able to help although sometimes not immediately :).

You might want to take a look at the Friendships and Relationships section where we discuss those kinds of issues, though some people are better than others at this (I'm one of the others!).

Nick.
 
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A

Apotheosis

Guest
Hi Linzi & :welcome: to this place.

I hope that you get continued support here & in your life you can find the help, happiness & recovery you deserve.
 
Libra1

Libra1

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Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
515
Location
West Midlands
Hi Linzi and :welcome: to MHF :). You will find lots of help and support here, we are a friendly gcommunity.

Sending you and Matty :hug::hug:
Take care.
x
 
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