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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Im New and Need Help from those who understand

T

tapdancer

Member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
18
Location
South England
Hello, I am obviously new to this site and I found it quite by chance. I have been aware of my mental illness since about 4 years ago. When it first happened and I realised it was depression I was so ashamed. I hid it which made it worse. I did however go to the doctor who prescribed medication and after a few months felt on top of the world. Then about 14 months after that it hit again. This time I was not so ashamed of it and asked for more help (counselling). But my third and final attack came early December 2008. I deliberately delayed taking any medication and hence went into a severe depression lasting 3 months. During that time I was willing myself to die. I had no hope and was so scared of everything. I might add that I have a fantastic husband and grown up children who were very helpful but I know nothing would take away the excrutiating pain, especially mornings. My tablets started to work eventually and this time I am not coming off them! But over the last few days I have begun to feel scared again - not as bad as last time but I am so frightened that it will happen again regardless of the fact that I am on medication. I have upped my dosage but has anyone out there actually conquered this dreadful disease with the help of tablets or anything?:confused:
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

Hi Tapdancer

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the support and understanding you are looking for here. I expect you wil...

:)
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
You need to feel good about yourself again.Maybe go back to the counselling?Have you thought of doing some charity work?You will meet new people whilst doing something worth while.You said yourself you have a husband and grown up kids who must adore you.Life could be alot worse hun,trust me...
 
M

maudikie

Guest
maudikie.


Keep on your medication. that is important. You should have a physical examination by your G.P. about every 13 months, but if you feel worse in between then go to see him/her and te;; him how you feel. it may be that you need an adjustment in medication.
It sounds as though you have good family suppor so you are fortunate in that. Take up a h obby and meet people. If you can do this with your husband that migh also help.
Best wishes. Don't despair. I think we shall all feel better when the sun shines:).
 
T

tapdancer

Member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
18
Location
South England
Thank you all. I have always been a very truthful person and I like to think that if I cant tell the truth then say nothing at all. However I have suffered at the hands of one of my daughters on and off for the past 25 years. She is now 42. She has been so hurtful to me over the years. Just one example, she gave birth to her third child and phoned up her in-laws and friends but not me. I actually heard the news from my eldest daughter. But 2 days before she gave birth I had visited her and we were laughing and chatting. On finding out she had given birth, when I did speak to her, I asked why she had not phoned me and she said "I dont want to talk about it". She has hurt me like this so many times I have lost count. Also when she got married she said she didnt want me there. Much later on when she got in contact I asked her why she had told me not to go to her wedding. She said she did want me there really. So I said well why did you tell me not to go. She just said "because I knew it would hurt you". When I asked, why, what had I done. She just replied "nothing, I dont know". And this last episode I think has been brought on that her son is 18 next week and having a family bbq. I have been told I am not welcome - Im the only one not going. I have 5 children in total and the other 4 are nothing like this at all. She has never ever said she is sorry or, much more important than that, she has never ever explained to me why she does these things. She just says "I dont want to talk about it". If she has a psychological problem I would love to help but she would deny this. I feel I have the choice of either put up with this until I die or disown her completely. If I could understand I could cope.:(
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
She obviously resents you for something,but why is the mystery?Have any of your other children shed any light on the matter?
 
T

tapdancer

Member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
18
Location
South England
Thank you for your comment. :confused::confused:I think because when these things happen and I get upset the other children (adults now of course) just tell me she is a horrible person and not to let her get to me. But how can I help that. This is my daughter. A counsellor once told me I had to break the cycle as he made me see that she was seeking attention and I was giving it to her by getting upset and letting her know. I understand that but I am not sure how to break the cycle. The only option seems to be to cast her out of my life but that wont be easy at all. I have tried absolutely everything I can, ignoring, begging, talking, writing to her, getting angry. Nothing works. I have taken everyone's advice (if I havent tried it already). But perhaps I am nearer the resolution today as over the past few days I have likened her to one of those people that destroy things just for the fun of it. I have never been able to understand anyone like that. Breaking into a car and stealing the contents is one thing but to break into a car just to damage it and to enjoy it is totally beyond me. I think I have to accept that she is a soul destroyer - and enjoys it in the process and there actually isnt a sensible solution at all.:confused:
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
Negative reinforcement.The counsellor means you are rewarding her bad behaviour with your attention.Well you either let her go or she keeps messing with your head as awful as that sounds.While she keeps having you over a barrel you will keep feeling depressed, have problems and never grow in strength.After time apart and she sees you are strong again..who knows?Maybe spend more one and one time with your other kids,plenty of it to until she gets jealous maybe and asks YOU what is going on?I came across this saying today and thought of you,and maybe a few others on here: 'remember that being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections… ':)Good luck.
 
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tapdancer

Member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
18
Location
South England
Oh crikey Blondie, what a helpful saying. I am going to copy and paste that and keep it on my fridge in big bold letters!!!! How true. You know when you hear something and it makes you jolt upright because you know it is what you have been trying to find and you know it applies to you. Its very difficult indeed to know you have given birth to someone who has social imperfections. I have always maintained throughout my life that having children is not a right or a possession. You have a job to do and your job is to create socially acceptable adults. To think of others as well as themselves and to have compassion for those in need. I am not religious but I do seriously believe if we all brought our children up with that in mind there wouldnt be a fraction of the trouble we see today. So now I have to admit to myself that I failed with her. But the better news is I succeeded with the other four:clap: I have always taught my children that NOTHING is totally BAD or GOOD that out of everything bad comes some good, even if you have to look for it. And just dont look for the bad that comes out of good;) Thanks for letting me speak.:tea:
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
Glad to be of some help.My daughter has a terminal illness(see just giving page)so I am constantly looking to justify what is happening to her and us as a family.Places like this help as it reminds you there are lots of others out there who are suffering to,but in different ways.I wish I could see your fridge!:D
 
pinkprincess

pinkprincess

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
85
Location
East Yorkshire
Blondie is right hun. No family is perfect. I bet even the Brady bunch had some issues! I am new to the forum too and everyone is so fab and supportive. Keep your chin up xx
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
Yeah I like the saying to.I've decided to use it as my signature now as you will all see!So I can spread the word...:clap:
 
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