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I'm needing help trying to understand myself causing my own anxieties.

B

Burntagain

Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Usa
I cannot understand alot of things about myself. Imy thoughts cause me so much anxiety!
I really shouldn't be in a relationship right now because i need to fix me first but since i'm already involved in this relationship with someone i hopelessly love i feel i have to find a way to fix or cope.

I have always had jealousy & trust issues and i think it comes from a not so pretty childhood, full of sexual and emotional abuse most of my youth.
Jealousy & lack of trust always interrferes with all my relationships. It always starts out good then ends up bad. It seems with every relationship it gets worse.
My present relationship is full of problems but we are trying reallyhard to get thru them. He & I both have had 3 marriages before us. He's had more relationships than I.

I think his wild crazy, risk taking, conciediness & flirty tendencies are a challenge for me. Maybe thats why i have a hard time trusting him.
But my issue lately is i don't want him to be happy. I only want him to be happy with me. I want to cling to him and i dont want to trust him by himself. ( He has already broke his trust with me 2 times.)
I've already been to a therapist a couple times before this relationship and i am just not getting the help or answers so i decided to try here to see if anyone else has experience d this and how they overcame it.

Can anyone help?
Thanks in advance
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
205
Location
Slovakia
I understand the part that one must fix themselves before a relationship. This is how I see it too, and that's why, actually, I have never dated anyone. Never. At all. Seeing all my friends having relationships and some of them getting married, I also feel this great need to fix myself somehow, because I feel my MH issues would cause a lot of problems. So I can imagine it must be very hard for you, but obviously, once you are already involved with that someone, you have to do something about your anxieties on the way. I guess I don't have any particular advice for you, but I hope you'll be okay :hug:
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Former member
I think your current partner is doing things that are very triggering. To flirt with others is not very respectful. He has broken your trust twice so I completely understand why you are struggling. It sounds to me like you are blaming yourself for not being happy with his behaviour. I would feel the same way as you do.
 
T

timi0000

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
47
Location
Pittsburgh
I cannot understand alot of things about myself. Imy thoughts cause me so much anxiety!
I really shouldn't be in a relationship right now because i need to fix me first but since i'm already involved in this relationship with someone i hopelessly love i feel i have to find a way to fix or cope.

I have always had jealousy & trust issues and i think it comes from a not so pretty childhood, full of sexual and emotional abuse most of my youth.
Jealousy & lack of trust always interrferes with all my relationships. It always starts out good then ends up bad. It seems with every relationship it gets worse.
My present relationship is full of problems but we are trying reallyhard to get thru them. He & I both have had 3 marriages before us. He's had more relationships than I.

I think his wild crazy, risk taking, conciediness & flirty tendencies are a challenge for me. Maybe thats why i have a hard time trusting him.
But my issue lately is i don't want him to be happy. I only want him to be happy with me. I want to cling to him and i dont want to trust him by himself. ( He has already broke his trust with me 2 times.)
I've already been to a therapist a couple times before this relationship and i am just not getting the help or answers so i decided to try here to see if anyone else has experience d this and how they overcame it.

Can anyone help?
Thanks in advance

Burntagain, I would recommend reading the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle and APPLYING the principles he talks about in your life. Just reading for an intellectual understanding won't make a difference. It was the very first thing that started to unlock me from my anxiety problems.

Meditating on my breath really helped too. Focusing on the sensation of my breath as it enters and leaves a nostril is what you do. I would recommend finding a teacher in your area or at least find some information on YouTube. This really helped me unlock from my anxiety too.

They gave me the very thing you are looking for-insight. After I gained that insight as to what was causing my anxiety I could take the necessary steps and thereby be free of my anxiety.

I hope this helps and you know that you can be free of your anxiety.
 
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