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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
96
I found out the other day that I don't want to kill myself. But I still want to die to be honest but in an accident. I can't kill myself. I don't want to either.

But I do want the pain to stop. I still cry every day. I still think about her a lot. But hopefully that will lessen with time. I'm still angry at her.

But now I realise that I tried to do everything right by her and she just didn't want me. I don't why and I never will. that is something hard to cope with and understand. I'm gonna try though.

I am still plagued every day by the sweet memories I had with her and they usually make me breakdown on the floor crying my eyes out.

I hope the medication and the therapy will work. I am trying to socialise more. I have lost a lot of weight and I am currently underweight. the other day I bought my clothes from the kids section as they were the only ones that fit me. Iam feeling physically sick most days, I've been coughing alot lately. I've developed a tremor in my hands as well. And I've been getting pain muscle spasms. I have also lost interest in any other girls no matter how pretty, and my libido is going down, i can tell. And some days I find it difficult to eat especially when I think about her. I hate thinking about her. I hate her and I love her. I know that sounds weird but that's what I feel.

I am worried that I will never move on from her. I am worried that this will always hurt me. I really hope it doesn't. Honestly I tried my very best to treat her right. My very best. I did everything a boyfriend was supposed to do. My parents told me to always treat people right and they will return it. I don't think that's true anymore.

She's moved on with someone else. I meant nothing to her and that hurts me so much that I am so easily replaceable and on my bad days it makes me feel worthless. But I'm trying to remember that I at least tried to do everything right by her.


I don't know how I am going to learn to love myself. But I think the first step is to no longer be hard on myself, and to give myself a break. The problem is my inner voice is really cruel. Everything I do I criticise even when i do a good job. I just criticise myself. And I need to stop that. I'm worried about my anxiety as well that is something extremely hard to control.
 
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Nancourt

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Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
96
hi just wanted to send my love and best wishes
love Lu xxxx
Thank you.
If it's one thing I'm going to struggle with from now on, it's feeling worthy of love. Because after her, my confidence has never been lower. She kind of promised so many things to me and then just threw me aside and found someone else like i was nothing to her.


I try not to think about her but my inner voice is strong. depression can reallly wreak havoc on my self-esteem. Especially when it starts comparing her with new significant other to me. And my brain starts to wonder why and I have to learn to stop and just accept it for what it is. Easier said then done
The problem is that she in so many ways was my perfect girl and until she broke up with me i thought things were going great she was nice her family was nice, she's beautiful in every way. And I was finally happy and I finally thought that my future was going to be nice.
But now I have to learn to let go of that. Thats what im struggling with but I promised myself I will try.
 
Shingle

Shingle

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May 15, 2019
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These four walls
You will move on, get over her, get back to you and realise it wasn't meant to be.

I have been there, been so in love i though, been dumped, such agony, now he has married and has a son but i don't want him, i would be unhappy with him as we are not compatible. I didn't see at at the time as was blinded by lust and chemicals or maybe people call it love. Love is reciprocal, deep true love, unbreakable, forever lasting maybe, takes time to grow. A deep friendship.

You are depressed. This has affected your own chemicals. It will take time to get better, medication will get you there faster and you will be ok again. Have patience, take care of yourself and rest.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Tigger and Willow's house
I'm so sorry Nancourt, you didnt deserve to be cast aside like you was nothing :hug:

Time will hopefully heal you and i do hope you feel better soon :hug:
 
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Nancourt

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May 26, 2018
Messages
96
I'm so sorry Nancourt, you didnt deserve to be cast aside like you was nothing :hug:

Time will hopefully heal you and i do hope you feel better soon :hug:
Midnightphoenix

I hope so. I really did try you know to treat her right. And be respectful always, but it wasn't enough. And like you said I guess it wasn't meant to be. Even though she made me feel like it was meant to be. The things she promised.

I think I'm a bit weak in this respect I trust too easily and I liked depending on someone for once. I thought I had finally achieved what I always wanted, someone that would love and cherish me and appreciate me for once.

But I meant nothing to her I think. I don't know if anyone as beautiful will ever love me or be interested but I guess I have to try. Especially since I don't want to kill myself anymore
 
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Nancourt

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Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
96
i feel liike im drowning every day is getting worse. honestly the meds arent working. i can't do this. please im in so much pain every day all the time no one is amking better at all. im just in pain. i want the pain to stop
why am i alone and in this much pain.???
am i evil is that why im alone and she iisn't
 
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Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
96
Please help me please im in so much pain. i know there are so mamy people with much greater losses on here but i cant do this anymore, please i cant do thiiis please help me please. the pain is getting worse please. no one around me knows what to do
 
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