- Jul 7, 2020
I have struggled with BPD for most of my adolescence unknowingly and part of my adulthood knowingly. I've always felt different and always struggled to fit in. I'm the youngest in my family and the most directionless and it makes me feel useless and worthless. I don't know how to maintain healthy friendships and romantic relationships because of the constant fear that my loved ones are going to abandon me and secretly hate me behind my back and are planning ways to hurt me. I constantly feel a pit in my stomach like something terrible is going to happen. I've tried therapy and medication to no avail, I can't sleep some nights because the anxiety over day to day functionality eats at me but I also have struggle focusing and finding my path which makes me feel like even more of a failure. I'm always so angry and I just can't control it and it drives everyone away from me and I just can't take anymore rejection. I'm only 23 but sometimes I feel so much older because every day I struggle with all of these feelings and emotions feels like so much longer and I am just constantly weighed down and exhausted by the feeling of helplessness toward my situation. I need help but don't trust my loved ones enough to understand or help because they either can't be bothered to research the things i tell them about my disorder or tell me it's all in my head and that I need to get over it. I just feel a dark cloud over me all the time and I'm tired of it and I just need someone to talk to who understands what this feels like...is anyone there?