- Jan 4, 2015
I can write enough stuff on here to keep someone seriously entertained so I'll try to cut to the chase.. My marriage is in shambles.. My wife hates me.. I can't blame her for it I mean I am as she calls me a nutcase.. I have extreme anger issues that I can't seem to control that go back to when I was a little kid, I tend to get upset and break stuff...phones, tvs, myself, throwing things. I have crazy mood swings and go from being happy to mad then back to happy and act as if me and my wife didn't just get into a fight. I have racing thoughts and my mind usually bounces around, not sure if it is linked to me having adhd as a child? I have trouble focusing on tasks , I never see any kind of project through, whether it be cleaning the house, a task at work, or something like wanting to go do something I have a problem fulfilling obligations. And my wife knows this , it's to the point when I see something I want, or find a job I want to seek, or whatever it may be she ends up being right as I never keep a job or keep personal belongings in constantly selling my trucks and buying new ones just simple things. And then to my marital issues, I am driving my wife away because I constantly accuse her of cheating everyday. I constantly go through her phone and her social networks, I monitor her call log online and I do not allow her to have friends because I get jealous. She doesn't cheat but for some reason these thought race into my mind n somehow make me believe it all over again. I have past issues with women in my life being faithful as my step mom cheated on my dad and I'm the one who caught her. She constantly lied to him about stuff and was very unloyal to my father. Couple ex gfs might have cheated to me along the road as well. And I can't seem to get over it I feel this may be a sign of obsessive compulsion disorder? And my wife is very unaffectionate she doesn't like being loved on , as I am very needy, I constantly have to kiss on her and groupe on her and I'm constantly wanting sex , for 3 years I have been like this with her I am always desperate for affection from her. And when she tells me she doesn't want to have sex that night or whatever I tend to get so mad I have a rage moment n will break stuff , throw stuff , punch walls... I really feel unloved .. Please don't judge me to hard because I am fully aware of these issues and know it's not normal.. BUt it is like rejection ignites these rage moments I can't help. I kinda wonder if that can be linked to my biological mother leaving when I was 2 and then telling me she didn't want anything to do with me when I was 7 years old? my step mom was no better she treated me like a red headed step child and was good at hiding it from my dad. She would tell me thy were planning on sending me away for good when I was 8-10 years old constantly making me cry like a baby. I have a lot of hate for her with all of that and catching her cheating on my dad having sex with another man when I was 16 and my dad was at work. My parents fought all through my life, before divorcing. I feel as if I have general anxiety, bi polar, ocd, adhd. I mean that's a rough guess because I have a lot of issues that no matter how hard I try to address I can't change them. These reactions and impulses seem natural and I feel helpless it bothers me that my wife hates me because of how I've treated her for 3 years and it took me this long to realize I have relational problems with most of the people close in my life. I get annoyed with people very easily, don't like crowds, don't have tons of friends, and am a controlling , verbally abusive, manipulative jerk to my wife. I love my wife deep down I know my issues and I just want some advice on how to address these issues? Is it self control ? Even though I feel as I can't control it. Do I need medicine? Do I need counseling about my rough childhood? Could that be the issue at hand? I don't want a divorce but it's very close. I would love nothing more than to love and cherish and support my wife the way she deserves and trust her to have friends and a life , without having to have sex every single day. I'd love to have simple conversations without us fighting. My wife is bipolar though but I'm not trying to justify my faults. It has taken me til I'm 24 years old to fully accept that I might have mental disorders and I come from a very biased family and it's hard to talk to them. I also am lazy, always tired , I constantly play Xbox because it's "me time" it's my sanctuary from this world I am constantly fighting.