Im loosing the fight

[marsha]

I am 35 years old and feel like this world is not for me,from the begining i lost my parents when i was 6.My father shot my mother and then he died a couple of months later in the state hospitol from heart failure.My garandparents took my sister and i in then at 15 lost my grandfather a few years later my grandmother.I am married and have a 15 year old daughter that deservse more than what i can give her.My husband had a heart attack 2 years ago and is not in good health and My only true friend passed away April 20 she was 80,I know a big age difference but she was someone i could talk to,I recently found out she had left us her home.She wanted us out of the neiborhood we are in,we can't sell our home and have even more to worry about with 2 houses.Iknow some think were lucky but they don't know how hard it is living pay check to pay check.I just feel like Im letting her down.I cant face my daughter half the time because im so lost and can't help but feel she would be better of without me.I just don't feel like I belong in this world I am lost and have nobdy to talk to for advice.I am sorry for the long post and don;t want a pitty party but I just don't know how many more mornings I can face.

 

[honeyquince]

Hi Marsha and welcome to the forum . I hope that you find the forum a welcoming place full of friendly and supportive people.

Sorry that you have been feeling so low recently, you have gone through a lot in your life but it's great that you did get through it and with the right help you will get through this and have happier day to look forward to! You'll find that you get a lot of support here but we can't replace professional support. Have you seen your GP and told them how you are feeling? For most of us, this has been our first point of contact for professional support and generally have had a positive response. Gp's are also the way into more specialist ongoing support like counselling, community psychiatric nurses and the psychiatric services.

There are other services around that offer anonymous telephone support, the most famous being the Samaritans, tel. 08457 90 90 90. They are there for anyone who needs someone to talk to, not just if you are suicidal, so give them a go... sometimes it's good just to let everything out that you've been holding onto often for a long time! Another way to do this is to chat here and post whatever is on your mind. If you need to have a good vent... you will always find positive supportive people here!

Take care and do keep posting here,

Honey, xx

 

[rollinat]

Hi Marsha - welcome to the forum and sorry things are so hard for you. Nothing to add to Honeyquince's post as far as advice is concerned, but I hope you find this forum a supportive place and I will look out for you.

Take care.

Rollinat

 

[marsha]

Hi and thank you for the replies.I have been to mental health doctors in the past for generilized anxiety and depression and have been on meds since my daughter was about 2.Thats when all these feelings started before that I just blocked everthing out,I didn't care about anything then after I had my daughter my whole world changed I was responsible for this beautiful baby girl and it just put me into a panic she is now going on 16 and it feels like I have no pupose anymore she is so smart and just a beautiful person.She is an honor student with a 4.0 playes field hockey and a varsity starter in softball her freshman year I am very pround of her but it is killing me not being able to be a mother that she deserves.

 

[honeyquince]

Hi there,

Sounds to me like you should be proud of her but also proud of yourself for helping to create a beautiful person.

 

[mad as a hatter]

hi i was wonderin how u r 2 day hope u go get some help from ur gp sounds like u have down a great job with ur daughter and u should be proud ur self and she would be terribly lost without u but i do know what it feels like 2 feel lost and alone in this world at times

 

[nevaeh]

Dear Marsha

I am sorry you have gone through such personal tragedy in your life. Just wanted to say you will get through this the others are right too you should be proud of yourself and your daughter. If you need to talk I am here also.
Take care Nevaeh.x

 

[Dollit]

Marsha sometime life seems to be unbearable to the point where we question why we're here. Look at that beautiful talented child and that's why you're here. You created her, you've raised her and I bet she loves you. Don't beat yourself up by saying you're not the mother she deserves just accept that you're the mother she has and I'm sure she appreciates what you do for her.

Life is hard in a recession and sometimes opportunities don't feel like they're supposed to. Honey's give you a telephone number but I think you're overseas. Is there a helpline you can talk to where you are?

Keep coming back and talking and keep on going - I know from personal experience how hard it can be but I'm glad I kept on going today.

 

[honeyquince]

Nicely put Dollit.

 

[White Dragon]

Hey there. I'm sorry for all your losses. As for your daughter, I'm sure you do everything you possibly can for her. I'm sure she loves you and appreciates what you do for her.

 

[honeyquince]

Hey Marsha,

How are you getting on now? I hope that things are looking a little brighter.