- Dec 17, 2021
- United Kingdom
Hi, new to the forum but just looking for anywhere to just talk I suppose. I've dealt with OCD for quite a few years now but this year it took a really dark turn with harm OCD and obsessive sexual thoughts, so much so that I am currently in a mental health unit and have been for the last few months. I'm constantly battling thoughts of harming my family and friends, of sexually hurting someone and sometimes i am scared i enjoy these thoughts. I try and hang onto the fact that I imagine being given a pill that would make all these thoughts go away and i know i would take it but i am just so confused and tired. I am desperate to go home but I can't go back to putting boxes against my bedroom door at night out of fear of harming my family. I have spoken to the psychologist on the ward about it and she has been really kind but I still struggle to believe it is just OCD. I am not in denial that OCD is a part of it, but sometimes I am scared I want to do some of these things. I don't want to be a monster and I hope you won't judge me, I'm just very scared and tired and it feels like a normal life is slipping through my fingers everyday.