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I'm just not sure.

Mr Oreo Bunny

Mr Oreo Bunny

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Ohio
Hi.
Right after I turned 12, I was bullied. Every day, for 8 months. I was already amazingly shy, and was a people-pleaser, and these people did nothing but escalate that fear. They would always trick me, getting me to accidentally say something dirty or innapropriate, because I didn't yet understand that stuff. They would tell me i had done something wrong, but never told me what. It reached the point where i was getting 4 hours of sleep, I was self harming and almost committed suicide. All before 6th grade ended. Since then, nothing has gotten better. I don't know what's happening to me, I have symptoms of a million different things, and my doctor has mentioned everything from PTSD to BPD to OCD.
Now, every once in a while i'll be on top of the world. Not caring what anyone thinks, wearing sundresses and jumpers every day, dressing up and just being myself. After about a week, I crumble. I cant even get up and focus long enough to take care of my rabbit the way he should be, the one thing that keeps me going. Sometimes, the littlest things bother me. I HAVE to have it a certain way, it HAS to be organized and put away. I HAVE to make sure my friends aren't judging me, don't think i'm weird. It's just such an overhwhelming feeling. I don't know what to do about it. I feel like i'm faking it or something?? Maybe my mind is tricking itself so it can get attention that i don't deserve?

Any advice..?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
B

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
1,798
Location
England
You have been through a lot of trauma due to the bullying. Have you ever had any therapy for it? I am so sorry people have been so cruel to you.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
13,452
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I'm so sorry you've been bullied.
I hope you heal very soon.
Try writing down tasks to do each day, it often helps.
I love rabbits they are very cute.
Hugs
 
Mr Oreo Bunny

Mr Oreo Bunny

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Ohio
You have been through a lot of trauma due to the bullying. Have you ever had any therapy for it? I am so sorry people have been so cruel to you.
Throughout middle school and soon after the incidents ended, I began seeing a counselor to help me, but it was free, not professional, and through my school. I had just had a major surgery and my parents were knee deep in medical bills, so I didn't want to cost them any extra, in case they got mad at me or something. She could never give me an answer as to why i was the way i was, and her methods only help half of the time.
 
Mr Oreo Bunny

Mr Oreo Bunny

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Ohio
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I'm so sorry you've been bullied.
I hope you heal very soon.
Try writing down tasks to do each day, it often helps.
I love rabbits they are very cute.
Hugs
Thank you for the suggestion, ill try to start that.
 
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