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I'm just feeling numb

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anj123

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I have been feeling just numb for over a year now. I haven't been really happy or sad during that time. Though sometimes I really despise myself for being bad with people (I haven't been able to build a good friendship with anyone, I do have friends, but they know me only on the surface level, and I them), all my insecurities about what people think about me.

I was following a degree in college, I was never overly passionate about the subject, but I wanted to do well. But now I just don't care what happens, I'm skipping assignments, exams and all. At times, I feel all this is just because I'm weak and that I don't really want to correct my flaws but just complain.

But I'm really worried about this numbness. Sometimes I watch sad movies, read sad books, or listen to sad songs just feel something, even pain. Watching football was something that used to make me happy, but now I'm just indifferent to even that.

I've thought about meeting a therapist but haven't acted on it yet. Because every time I try to I feel like I don't have real problems but I'm trying to find excuses to not do things and justify not being good enough.

I don't have anyone to talk about these things. I'm not close to my parents and I don't think my friends will understand if I talk about these with them. Also it's awkward to initiate a conversation like that with them because, like I said, I don't talk only the surface stuff with them.

Hope you can give me some advice on what to do.
 
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Rex Smith

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Can you change your major? It's common for students to switch majors. I was going to major in computer science and I hated it. Choose what you're passionate about and if it doesn't pay well you will still enjoy your decision. You spend a large percent of your overall life working. Go to admissions and talk to one of the councillors about your options. That's how college works in the USA.
 
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anj123

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Hey, it's not an option where I live. I'll have to either see through it or drop out
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Hi @anj123

Emotional numbness can be caused by stress and anxiety.

When we feel under pressure, our bodies are flooded with stress hormones.

Our emotions are governed by our limbic system in the brain and the hormonal imbalance caused by stress and anxiety stop your limbic system from functioning properly.

Stress and anxiety deplete both our physical and mental energy...and as a result, we feel nothing. This is almost a safety setting so we don't reach emotional overload but it can be frightening when we are emotionally flatlining all the time.

My advice would be to talk to your personal tutor and be as honest about how you are feeling as you have here. Your personal tutor will support you with your academic work and help you get back on track by setting some small, achievable goals to get you working again and will mentor you until you have caught up with your studies.

If you talk to Student Services, you should be able to arrange some counselling at college. Talking to somebody will help you track the chain of events that have made you feel this way.


Try and get involved with as much exercise as you can because it will make a significant difference to how you feel. Exercise naturally kick-starts endorphins in the brain and lifts your mood. Doesn't need to be a gym workout - brisk walking will do you good.

It might be that starting college and having high expectations of yourself was enough pressure and anxiety to make you feel this way. Don't worry - it's not permanent and there's nothing wrong with you. :hug:

Sending love and best wishes x
 
Bizzarebitrary

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For me, the numbness was a survival strategy. I couldn't feel all the overwhelming emotions and because we can't turn the volume down on just the emotions we wish we didn't have to feel, we eventually feel nothing at all.

These narratives: "this is all my fault", "my problems aren't really problems at all OR they're all my fault, so I have to fix them myself"... that isn't peculiar to you. Anyone who's experienced depression has had these thoughts. Thoughts that constantly re-indoctrinate us with distorted beliefs about ourselves.

Yes, we usually need some external help and it took years for me to accept that my mind which created these circular problems couldn't solve them. Whether you start here, with peer support or try therapy, I hope you'll approach it with curiosity. Ask more questions. The answers are inside you and have been all along, maybe we can help you find them.
 
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anj123

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Thank you for replying. I know that I should do something about this without blaming myself. I'm not sure where I should start because so many things in my life are in disarray. Where did you find it easiest to start the recovery?
 
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