I'm in the wrong again,

sallyb

sallyb

Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2012
Messages
19
Location
Essex
My 17 year old daughter needs to have counselling but really doesn't want to. I said if she did, i'd pay for driving lessons that she wants. I meant it as an encouragement, an incentive, something nice to look forward to after the perhaps not so nice counselling but she said it's blackmail and is not happy with me. I truly didn't mean it as blackmail. :(
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,720
Location
Teesside
Maybe it was the way it was said?? i know you didnt mean it but i can see how it sounds to your daughter.
She does need counselling, somehow you need to re-assure her that she will start to feel better if she talks about her feelings.
Does your daughter understand / accept she has problems?
 
mrlaurel

mrlaurel

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2011
Messages
6,380
Location
west mids
My 17 year old daughter needs to have counselling but really doesn't want to. I said if she did, i'd pay for driving lessons that she wants. I meant it as an encouragement, an incentive, something nice to look forward to after the perhaps not so nice counselling but she said it's blackmail and is not happy with me. I truly didn't mean it as blackmail. :(
bless kids ay, we always say the wrong things........ well i know i do..... shit dad of the year award goes to ......................................................................... stan.
 
sallyb

sallyb

Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2012
Messages
19
Location
Essex
I said it with an excited kind of voice because i thought she'd be pleased. wrong. She knows theres something wrong with her but is so against having counselling. She had it in the past and it didn't help much mainly because she wouldn't open up and talk about her feelings. She finds it very hard to, even to me. I don't want to lose her and have been worrying like mad ever since last friday when she took some pills.
 
sallyb

sallyb

Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2012
Messages
19
Location
Essex
and shit mum of the year award goes to ..... Sally! ;D
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,720
Location
Teesside
and shit mum of the year award goes to ..... Sally! ;D
dont be so hard on yourself! you really are trying- your not shit!!! if you were you wouldnt worry so much!!
dont be blaming yourself!
kids at 17 are so emotional and hormonal, you really cant say the right thing at any time , im sure you bite your tongue a lot and dont say half of what you could to her!
please dont give up on her, your a lovely person Sally,
x
 
sallyb

sallyb

Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2012
Messages
19
Location
Essex
Thanks peeps. Yep Foxjo i do bite my tongue an awful lot. I won't give up on her. I just hope she doesn't give up on herself. She's very smart. She's at college doing very well and plans to go on to uni. She keeps a lot in and it's hard to know if anythings wrong. Even if i do notice somethings wrong she won't talk about it. x
 
Sugarplum

Sugarplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 4, 2012
Messages
558
Location
Some random planet all to myself
It can be a really hard thing to admit even to yourself that you need help (especially when you're 17!) and counselling is a big committment and she's probably quite scared deep down (though she won't admit that to you.)

Maybe I've made some terrible assumptions there, but it seems to me that you're doing the right things. Just hang in there and keep listening to her in the sense that she knows you're there.

PS I may be talking s&*t as I don't have kids, but I do know how scary it can be to first have to admit there's a problem.
 
pepecat

pepecat

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
13,780
Location
middle earth
Sometimes parents are just the last people kids want to open up to! I don't mean that as anything against any parent here, but sometimes its like the parents are just too 'close', if you get what i mean. An outsider can often be more easy to talk to, but for some people (myself included) opening up to outsiders can also be hard. My parents wanted me to see a psychiatrist when i was about 16 and i flat out refused. I said if they did make me go, i woudn't say anything. Twenty years later, and it's still hard as hell. Therapist this morning said that i have no 'language' to express my emotional side. (i've not been in therapy for the last 20 years, by the way! :p)

Is there anyone else your daughter can talk to? Friends, or someone at school (teacher / counsellor / gp)?
I guess you could always find a private person, and find somone SHE choses and feels that she can get on with. Cos if she feels that she doesn't like the person, or they can't help, she's not going to open up any time soon.
 
M

madsue40

Active member
Joined
Sep 28, 2011
Messages
38
Hi Sally
My daughter is about the same age and I know how difficult it is for them to talk to their parents but I've always said I'd listen or be happy if she could talk to a friend or friends parent if something was worrying her. Try not to take offence it's just that we are too close sometimes. I always let her know that I won't judge her about anything and although she finds it hard after speaking to friends she generally sums up the courage to talk to me in the end.
I think all you can do at the moment is wait and reassure her that nothing would disappoint you or phase you if she wanted to talk then together you could work out what sort of counselling would help. She's probably scared and mixed up and terrified you'll judge her so hang in there and keep reassuring her. Good luck. By posting your concerns here it shows just what a good mum you are. Have confidence and patience - its a difficult time
Sue
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
S Depression Forum 5
K Depression Forum 12
B Depression Forum 1
FindingTheMeaning Depression Forum 5
SavageMoonlight Depression Forum 4
Top