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Im in love with my best friend and its killing me

J

JesterHed89

New member
Joined
Sep 22, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Bedfordshire
Hi everyone, I'm in a really crap situation and I hope someone can give me some advice regarding this.
So where to start, I have a friend, who I'm really close too, who I'm totally in love with, she means the world to me. However while I like to think she at least cares about me too, but she is incredibly self centered and has a huge amount of issues herself.
However she knows how I feel about her, we have talked about it several times, I have even lashed out at her a few times because of this, which I end up apologising for and she forgives me. Also when I've tried to put distance between us, I end up missing her and caving.
It is fair to say she uses me, she knows if she needs company or a favour or well... Anything, I will always come running. She can be selfish, however she is a a amazing human being, she cares so much about animals and the environment that she plans to go live in a van and be a activist full time. Not to mention I've never met someone so driven, she wants to accomplish something, sod all is going to stop her.
However for me personally, it feels like almost torture, forcing myself to try and bury my feelings for her. Because not having her in my life just seems even worse. I don't know what to do, I know part of me is just hoping that she will see me the same way eventually, but I'm almost certain it will never happen. But as much as I can't stand not having her in my life, it's absolutely killing me, I'm lossing sleep, I can't stop thinking about the situation, it just seems to completely debiltate me. So yeah any insights or advice on this would be greatly appreciated.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,311
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. It is so difficult to love somebody who will only ever see us as a friend. It sounds like you will never be able to accept friendship and always hope for something more. This will end up making you stuck in a cycle of despair. While your friend has good qualities, her using you is not on. You deserve to be treated with respect. Sometimes when we feel lonely or have low self esteem we can put all our hopes into a person. I know I have done that myself.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,601
Location
Nashua NH
Hi there! What a difficult and challenging position to be in. It’s wonderful you have found someone to care about but you do need to protect yourself too. It seems like you have put this person into the “girlfriend” category while she has put you in the “friend” category. Because of this this woman takes up the room in your life that an actual girlfriend would normally take. I think you are apt to offer that this woman is using your affection to get her own needs met. As wonderful a person as you say she is this is highly manipulative and selfish behavior. Think about the time you have invested and continue to invest in this relationship. In the end what will come of it? When you look back will you wish that you hadnt invested so much “relationship” time in your life to a person who wasn’t emotionally invested in you when you could have been investing in someone else? Every second you spend giving to this person you could be giving to someone different who gives back.
 
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