I'm in dire need of a real friend

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CEVRAM

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Nah, doesn't work like that. Highly intelligent people are often troubled souls too. :hug:

Somebody asked me today "when were you last happy". It felt nice that someone asked me that... and honestly I hadn't thought about it much. It's an unusual question. If it's not too personal, could I ask it of you, please?
Honestly I dont really remember the last time I felt truly happy in life, I mean there have been days in which I stood relatively content but actual happiness is more than that, its something that lasts for a while and brings out a strong positive feel to oneself, that's not something I've experienced in recent times. When was the last time you felt happy if its ok for me to ask?
 
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CEVRAM

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Hi CEVVY!

*hugs* I just want to add that I realized that most people are selfish and only think about their own feelings (sounds terrible, but it's true). And since your a sensitive person, you feel the good and the bad a whole more than others! I think being sensitive plays a role on how well you cope through life. Sorry, I cant write an in depth response, but I agree with your view on how disconnected people are especially because of social media. I think society is more focused on the superficial things in life that everyone seems to not have any substance. And since you have so many thoughts, can you perhaps replace those thoughts with better ones so that you can build a new and better foundation for yourself? You mentioned that you only had 4 sessions of psychotherapy and were supposed to get fast results, sometimes it takes a little longer to benefit from something. Honestly, 4 sessions and x many years of your mental condition is not an easy fix! And yes you appear intelligent and articulate and your written English is quite good; I would've thought it was your first language.
Being too sensitive brings up a whole new set of challenges though. I have a bit of an hot temper and that's not something which works well under some of the pressuring and stressful duties of adult life which I'm currently hiding away from. Patience and perseverance are very important traits for success and I'm lacking both.

Regarding thoughts, well, its hard because I dont really have control over some of the thoughts I have, especially the bad ones, same goes for emotional control. It feels as if there is some sort of puppetry work being done with my conscious and subconscious mind from both anxiety and depression.
I really appreciate your kindness and even though I've said before that compliments dont have that much of an impact on me due to my extremely harsh and manipulative critical side, I still know how to appreciate real meaningful honesty and kindness from people who are trying to help me.
 
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Tired Out

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Honestly I dont really remember the last time I felt truly happy in life, I mean there have been days in which I stood relatively content but actual happiness is more than that, its something that lasts for a while and brings out a strong positive feel to oneself, that's not something I've experienced in recent times. When was the last time you felt happy if its ok for me to ask?
That's a great answer, and I agree with you. I think I was last happy when I had this one special friend, a few years ago. We absolutely connected, and I could really be myself with her. Like you say, something that brings out a positive feel to oneself, and that lasts for a while, that's what brings true happiness. Not having a real meaningful connection to the people around you, can lead to despair.
 
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CEVRAM

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That's a great answer, and I agree with you. I think I was last happy when I had this one special friend, a few years ago. We absolutely connected, and I could really be myself with her. Like you say, something that brings out a positive feel to oneself, and that lasts for a while, that's what brings true happiness. Not having a real meaningful connection to the people around you, can lead to despair.
Its a great feeling when you find someone you gel perfectly with like you were meant to be together. Last year it seemed like I had been able to find a few of these rare cases but turns out things eventually took a different path much to my disappointment and those relationships had no more legs to walk on. The distancing became apparent and nothing I could do or say would change anything so there was no point in insisting and agravating both mine and other people's frustration.
 
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Tired Out

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Its a great feeling when you find someone you gel perfectly with like you were meant to be together. Last year it seemed like I had been able to find a few of these rare cases but turns out things eventually took a different path much to my disappointment and those relationships had no more legs to walk on. The distancing became apparent and nothing I could do or say would change anything so there was no point in insisting and agravating both mine and other people's frustration.
It really does hurt when that happens. Very difficult to get over. I'm so sorry.

Hope we can chat tomorrow and the days after that. I've never been to Portugal and would love to hear about the people, the culture, history, and how you fit in there [ or don't ]. I used to backpack when I was younger and loved meeting people from other lands. I am Northern Irish b.t.w.

You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, and you come across as a really genuine soul. Take heart, good times might come again.
 
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CEVRAM

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It really does hurt when that happens. Very difficult to get over. I'm so sorry.

Hope we can chat tomorrow and the days after that. I've never been to Portugal and would love to hear about the people, the culture, history, and how you fit in there [ or don't ]. I used to backpack when I was younger and loved meeting people from other lands. I am Northern Irish b.t.w.

You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, and you come across as a really genuine soul. Take heart, good times might come again.
Likewise here. You are a very kind and caring soul just like so many people in here. Glad I've brough myself to these forums.

I think you would like it here especially now that we're getting closer to the warm weather since we have a very rich gastronomy, history and culture. Its a small country so it wont take too long to go through the main points of interest. Although its not the best country to live at due to the considerable amount of social economical problems we have and average wages being considerably lower than in the big European powerhouses, its still a great place to visit as a tourist imo.

Once again, thank you very much for being so kind to me. Hope I haven't been coming out as too arrogant and self centered for only talking about me, I guess in a way, that's the point of this thread but its not like what I'm going through is new to anyone here. Perhaps I've repeated myself a little too much on the topic by now. Its easy to get carried away when people are showing a lot of support and care and you want to keep those conversations alive.
 
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Tired Out

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Likewise here. You are a very kind and caring soul just like so many people in here. Glad I've brough myself to these forums.

I think you would like it here especially now that we're getting closer to the warm weather since we have a very rich gastronomy, history and culture. Its a small country so it wont take too long to go through the main points of interest. Although its not the best country to live at due to the considerable amount of social economical problems we have and average wages being considerably lower than in the big European powerhouses, its still a great place to visit as a tourist imo.

Once again, thank you very much for being so kind to me. Hope I haven't been coming out as too arrogant and self centered for only talking about me, I guess in a way, that's the point of this thread but its not like what I'm going through is new to anyone here. Perhaps I've repeated myself a little too much on the topic by now. Its easy to get carried away when people are showing a lot of support and care and you want to keep those conversations alive.
Not at all, you don't come across like that, please don't apologize. I agree, it's nice on these forums, more genuinely caring than other social media, where the interaction is very brief and superficial. Some really kind souls here.

Ireland has gone through similar social and economic problems. In fact we were named in the PIGS group [ Portugal, Ireland, Greece, Spain ] by the EU and IMF, who said we needed austerity to sort ourselves out. Like naughty children. So... we are considered fellow PIGS... how charming of them!!! ;) :rolleyes:

I'm genuinely fascinated to learn more about Portugal, and you sound like you'd be an interesting guide with your perceptive and more in-depth view on things. For example, what is the national character like, traits, jokes etc. Literature and art too.

My impressions of the country: I've mostly seen Lisbon on tv which is incredibly beautiful and ancient. Closest I've come to visiting Portugal was Macau, a Portuguese settlement in China, which was a wonderful place. I Know about the famous Magellan, and also from the fact that Portuguese is spoken in Brazil, that you are adventurers, seafarers and explorers. I was once an au pair in Madrid and heard Portugese people speak - it sounded more like Russian to my young innocent ears! It must be an ancient, and very separate language to the rest of western Europe.

If you want to talk about other things, please feel free, especially if there's something on your mind. However, please at some stage, feed my curious mind about a country I should know more about... and regret never having the chance to visit!
 
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CEVRAM

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Not at all, you don't come across like that, please don't apologize. I agree, it's nice on these forums, more genuinely caring than other social media, where the interaction is very brief and superficial. Some really kind souls here.

Ireland has gone through similar social and economic problems. In fact we were named in the PIGS group [ Portugal, Ireland, Greece, Spain ] by the EU and IMF, who said we needed austerity to sort ourselves out. Like naughty children. So... we are considered fellow PIGS... how charming of them!!! ;) :rolleyes:

I'm genuinely fascinated to learn more about Portugal, and you sound like you'd be an interesting guide with your perceptive and more in-depth view on things. For example, what is the national character like, traits, jokes etc. Literature and art too.

My impressions of the country: I've mostly seen Lisbon on tv which is incredibly beautiful and ancient. Closest I've come to visiting Portugal was Macau, a Portuguese settlement in China, which was a wonderful place. I Know about the famous Magellan, and also from the fact that Portuguese is spoken in Brazil, that you are adventurers, seafarers and explorers. I was once an au pair in Madrid and heard Portugese people speak - it sounded more like Russian to my young innocent ears! It must be an ancient, and very separate language to the rest of western Europe.

If you want to talk about other things, please feel free, especially if there's something on your mind. However, please at some stage, feed my curious mind about a country I should know more about... and regret never having the chance to visit!
It might not be very charming but one thing is certain, pigs are more intelligent than what many people might think. I dont know much about economics or politics because frankly, these aren't topics that interest me much, especially the later, considering that is perhaps the most controversial topic out there and rarely discussions involving politics go smoothly or end well. Seems like the internet is filled with experts on this area who always want to have the last word and validade their arguments through insults and accusations.

Portugal has a fictional figure which was created to represent some steriotypes of the Portuguese people in a satirical way called "Zé Povinho".

We were the pioneers of the western world along with the Spanish at venturing into the sea in search of new and undiscovered lands across the globe, in fact Portugal and Spain signed a pact which divided the world in two for each nation to explore as a way to avoid conflicts between what were two superpowers at the time, how things have changed...this was around the 15th and 16th centuries. The Romans were also here and we all know how significant they were as a civilization so our historic cultural value dates to a few millenia ago. Here in my town we have a 2000 year old Roman temple which still has most of it standing as well as a few bridges and pavements from that time.

All in all, there is a lot to see, learn and explore in Portugal if you are a fan of history.

Its a fact that portuguese appears to sound russian for people who aren't very familiar with any of these languages, I've seen a video explaining why that happens recently. Crazy but true! They really aren't close at all. Portuguese is a latin language and Russian is slavic, the way each one is written couldn't be any more different yet they seem to have similarities when spoken.

I would gladly be your guide even though I'm not very well informed about many of the interesting aspects about portuguese culture and history.
 
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Tired Out

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It might not be very charming but one thing is certain, pigs are more intelligent than what many people might think. I dont know much about economics or politics because frankly, these aren't topics that interest me much, especially the later, considering that is perhaps the most controversial topic out there and rarely discussions involving politics go smoothly or end well. Seems like the internet is filled with experts on this area who always want to have the last word and validade their arguments through insults and accusations.

Portugal has a fictional figure which was created to represent some steriotypes of the Portuguese people in a satirical way called "Zé Povinho".

We were the pioneers of the western world along with the Spanish at venturing into the sea in search of new and undiscovered lands across the globe, in fact Portugal and Spain signed a pact which divided the world in two for each nation to explore as a way to avoid conflicts between what were two superpowers at the time, how things have changed...this was around the 15th and 16th centuries. The Romans were also here and we all know how significant they were as a civilization so our historic cultural value dates to a few millenia ago. Here in my town we have a 2000 year old Roman temple which still has most of it standing as well as a few bridges and pavements from that time.

All in all, there is a lot to see, learn and explore in Portugal if you are a fan of history.

Its a fact that portuguese appears to sound russian for people who aren't very familiar with any of these languages, I've seen a video explaining why that happens recently. Crazy but true! They really aren't close at all. Portuguese is a latin language and Russian is slavic, the way each one is written couldn't be any more different yet they seem to have similarities when spoken.

I would gladly be your guide even though I'm not very well informed about many of the interesting aspects about portuguese culture and history.
That was so interesting to learn thank you. Didn't know most of that. I will definitely google Ze Povinho. You have a 2000 year old Roman temple in your town! How incredible.... I am jealous. Apologies.... didn't mean to sound too demanding about Portugal, but it's great to have a personal guide :thanks: outside of what is shown on travel shows.

You're right about pigs, really they are charming, intelligent creatures. We don't treat them well.

That big Atlantic ocean must have called many an adventurer out onto it. Ireland's west coast faces the Atlantic too... it's something special to stand and look out, wondering what's on the other side.

I hope your day has been good, or at least ok?
 
AliceinWonderland

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There needs to be a mutual interest and passion for a relationship to really click and grow into something truly special and meaningful otherwise we'll end up with no more than those casual friends who only remember us when they dont have anything better to do with their time. Friendships are something that needs consistent nurturing in other to keep shining. Its similar to working out in the sense that if we stop exercising for an extended period of time, we will lose some of the gains we achieved previously, they wont stay unless we keep doing it on a regular basis and its the same with close friendships, they will lose power if people distance themselves and stop showing the same kind of care and emotional bonding which made them become good friends in the first place. Nothing is eternal but friendships in particular are a lot more fragile than what people might think.
I agree with what you've said, especially the bits I've bolded. Friendships do need watering like plants if they're to stay alive and grow. And if only one person is doing the watering, that isn't enough. Some friendships, very long-standing ones for instance, can survive on very intermittent watering, like if you only see each other once a year, provided you've built up a solid friendship at the outset, in my experience. But I do find that online friendships flounder more easily than real life ones, they're so much easier to walk away from, and not engage enough in to keep them alive. I find I only get to know people 'properly' if I've spend time with them in real life. That's not to say online friendships can't be deep and genuine, but there's another level you get (ime) if you spend time with people in person, which personally I find makes it easier to maintain a friendship. But that's not to say that's everyone's experience.

I'd like to respond to what you've said about how hurtful it's been your friends withdrawing from you, but I have to log off now, so I'll post more when I'm able.
 
AliceinWonderland

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I worry I was a bit negative about online friendships in that last post. I've had and do have online friends that I've chatted to for years, and got to know pretty well, and never met in person, so I didn't mean that they can't be real and longlasting, they can. Just that they can also be easier to walk away from or let slide. Sorry, I hope what I said wasn't unhelpful :redface:
 
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I worry I was a bit negative about online friendships in that last post. I've had and do have online friends that I've chatted to for years, and got to know pretty well, and never met in person, so I didn't mean that they can't be real and longlasting, they can. Just that they can also be easier to walk away from or let slide. Sorry, I hope what I said wasn't unhelpful :redface:
Dont worry about being negative because that's part of my own nature, something I really need to work on. But everything you said is true, friendships do tend to flourish better and be supported on a stronger foundation when the people involved can spend time together face to face as it gives a whole new meaning to them while allowing for a much for complete and rich experience.

Thing is that for some people including myself, talking over a screen with a keyboard, digital or real, allows us to be more fluid and articulated since it takes away a layer of pressure and insecurity which is created when we are in the physical presence of those we are engaging with and also because some people aren't that good with vocal speech but have good writting skills. I'm not sure how good my writting is but its definitely better than my speaking ability.

Online friendships are generally more fragile because like you've said, its easier for them to be pulled apart since there isn't that physical proximity to hold them together whenever some distancing between the two parts occurs for whatever reason. Unfortinately for me, no online friendship of mine has stood strong for more than half a year but then again, I've only began to actively engage in online communities and groups on December of 2017 so I'm still fairly new to this. Before that I couldn't see the online world as a solution for my loneliness and isolation.
 
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"allowing for a much more complete and rich experience" that's how that sentence was supposed to be. I hate some of these stupid typos I keep making, can't even concentrate properly when trying to focus on my writting.
 
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CEVRAM

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I didn't actually mentioned that I also experience intense body dismorphic disorder which causes just as much if not more psychological distress than loneliness. The reason I dont talk about it near as much is because I feel like it has no cure while loneliness might be fixable if I do things right. It was BDD that almost got me into anorexia a few years ago and gave me thoughts of wishing certain parts of my body could be cut off and replaced. There's not any major part of my body I'm confortable or content with, I hate the legs, the arms, the torso and the head. Even though I'm at a decent fitness level due to my extreme obsession with working out and eating properly in order to build as much muscle as possible, I'm still really far from what my expectations for an acceptable physique would be.

This is so strange since when it comes to others, I really dont care what body type they have and that wont affect in any way or form how much they mean to me or how I'll treat them, that all comes down to their character and personality but towards myself, I'm extemely critical and demanding of perfection and good looks and since my ideals are so distant from the reality I'm in, this is causing me to despise my body and feel very agitated with frustration and insecurity whenever I take a good look at myself or when whatever has been surpressing those thoughts fades away. Right now, those thoughts are hitting me hard and I'm already feeling the anger and sadness buiding inside me. I hate how I literally take away enjoyment from my life due to investing so much on exercising and good nutrition without even taking pleaure on doing this and still am not able to achieve a positive self body image.

Its like a prison but if I force myself not to do this, it will get even worse because by not exercising hard enough or being so strict with my nutrition, I will slowly lose some of the gains I've achieved previously so there's literally no escape. My body has gotten so accustomed to those typical average workouts that they produce no results anymore and the only way I can see a little bit of visual results is by going so hard on the workouts that I'm almost driving myself to a full blown panic attack every time I hit the gym and have sudden urges to break down crying. I feel sick to the core and no results ever look good enough. None of this feels worth it but the self hate will not go away and cannot be fully surpressed. There is no day in which I dont think about my body and BDD is a major obstacle in between relationships due to how much irritability and mood swings it gives me as well as fueling my highly pessimistic and negative mindset so in a way, its related to this thread.
 
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That's a very honest post. BDD is a terrible, terrible thing. The level of self hatred and despair I've read in posts by sufferers is like nothing else I've encountered.

Though I'm a sufferer [ PTSD also ] I haven't read much on it. However I believe, just from knowing a very troubled friend with anorexia, that it's a sister disease to BDD. I never thought she would make it, but somehow she did. She had long term therapy, but her eventual recovery might have been due in greater part to kindness, love, and time.
 
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Tired Out

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I worry I was a bit negative about online friendships in that last post. I've had and do have online friends that I've chatted to for years, and got to know pretty well, and never met in person, so I didn't mean that they can't be real and longlasting, they can. Just that they can also be easier to walk away from or let slide. Sorry, I hope what I said wasn't unhelpful :redface:
I've found the same. They can vanish so easily. We're just words on a screen, whereas, physical friends [ good ones] you can't escape so easily :) Though there are advantages to online friendships too, definitely. You don't gotta comb your hair or tidy your flat for them :evil:
 
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Tired Out

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"allowing for a much more complete and rich experience" that's how that sentence was supposed to be. I hate some of these stupid typos I keep making, can't even concentrate properly when trying to focus on my writting.
I'll ignore your typos if you ignore mine [ I make so many ] :doh::p
 

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