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I'm in a relationship with someone with BPD...

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Harry123

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Hi everyone.
First I want to say it has been amazing to read your posts, thank you. Your thoughts help me understand someone I care about very deeply. BPD is something I knew very little of until I met her - I will call her Eden - and I think that is the same for the vast majority of people. Some people close to me have said don't get involved etc like others here have spoken about. But I have never had a deeper connection with anyone (I am 51 and she is 35) and although we only met last September I cannot imagine life without her. In this time period I left my wife (this was in process before I met Eden), I lost my father to covid and I am in a state of professional change. My relationship with Eden keeps me going and if I can help her then that makes me happy. It is reassuring to hear about some of the issues raised here regarding relationships, the triggers, episodes and how you deal with them and the people around you. Eden has had serious drug issues and some suicidal tendencies. I find it heartbreaking and just want to help. I would be happy also to give my viewpoint about how I feel as someone in a relationship with a BPD person.
Harry
 
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bpd2020

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Hello Harry. Welcome to the forum. It is lovely to hear how much you love Eden.
 
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Harry123

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Thanks! One issue I am struggling with is about being a BPD parent...Eden wants kids and if I am an honest and speaking as a father of three I am not 100% sure how she will cope. Would love to hear some insights.
 
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bpd2020

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I personally could not cope with having children but I know others will have different opinions.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Well 51 and 35 is a bit of an age gap, imo, but I'm not judging. What I will say though, is try and avoid playing the role of 'the saviour' all the time. In any relationship, but in particular in BPD, its has to be a relationship of equals, both of you have to be able to stand on your own two feet to be able to stand together. I would avoid rushing into having kids, and maybe wait and see how your relationship plays out beyond the honeymoon period 18+ months and then decide. Also in that time, you will have more certainty about your career and will know whether or not you can financially sustain this.
 
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Harry123

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Thanks, sound advice. We are a bit co-dependent that is for sure and I am aware of the dangers that brings. She is high functioning and just got a good job offer. It was not long ago that she was using and then got kicked out of rehab for bringing drugs in. She has made great progress and I fully want her to fulfil her potential. She was a high achiever academically but has never managed to succeed much in her professional career due to a series of bad decisions (and then the usual regrets, self-flagellation, shame, anxiety, drugs/alcohol). Regarding kids, I am in no rush and I am not convinced she could cope.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Thanks, sound advice. We are a bit co-dependent that is for sure and I am aware of the dangers that brings. She is high functioning and just got a good job offer. It was not long ago that she was using and then got kicked out of rehab for bringing drugs in. She has made great progress and I fully want her to fulfil her potential. She was a high achiever academically but has never managed to succeed much in her professional career due to a series of bad decisions (and then the usual regrets, self-flagellation, shame, anxiety, drugs/alcohol). Regarding kids, I am in no rush and I am not convinced she could cope.
Probably wise. I know its hard because she's already getting to that age, but another 2 years won't hurt too much and will at least give both of you a bit more time to figure things out.
 
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