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Im here im sorry

H

hairybanana

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Aug 18, 2021
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Australia
Im not sure why, but I had this idea in my head that I’d come home and feel better, you know? Managed to get into some wood work today, I enjoy that, keeps my mind focused and feels good when you’ve built something. But oh. My moods are still so shit. Back to the couch I go. God I just feel wrecked. A mess. Would greatly appreciate regaining the ability to control my emotions and not have tearys all the fucking time. Ugh. What an I even crying for? Don’t know. Just depressed.
 
2

2Much2Feel

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Apr 24, 2021
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Im not sure why, but I had this idea in my head that I’d come home and feel better, you know? Managed to get into some wood work today, I enjoy that, keeps my mind focused and feels good when you’ve built something. But oh. My moods are still so shit. Back to the couch I go. God I just feel wrecked. A mess. Would greatly appreciate regaining the ability to control my emotions and not have tearys all the fucking time. Ugh. What an I even crying for? Don’t know. Just depressed.
Hey, hairybanana, I'm sorry. It is an odd feeling when you get out and are suddenly back at home, just like that. I remember each time being scared as hell to leave even though I could not wait to get out of there, as at least I felt safe in the hospital in that sense. It's just a weird experience to go through, your mind is tired and you've been through so much. I hope you can find some peace tonight and rest.

Do you feel like they got you going in a direction that was at all helpful? Like at least set up to see someone? xx
 
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hairybanana

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Messages
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Location
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Hey, hairybanana, I'm sorry. It is an odd feeling when you get out and are suddenly back at home, just like that. I remember each time being scared as hell to leave even though I could not wait to get out of there, as at least I felt safe in the hospital in that sense. It's just a weird experience to go through, your mind is tired and you've been through so much. I hope you can find some peace tonight and rest.

Do you feel like they got you going in a direction that was at all helpful? Like at least set up to see someone? xx
Thanks @2Much2Feel I hope so too. I’m not sure how I feel about the past week tbh. Still processing it. Thinking on it. But yes will be getting additional support which will be good, probably needed, definitely needed. It’s just that its on me to get it going and sort it, which is fine, it’s just I don’t have the capacity for it right now. I dunno. Dunno, still going through the whole thing in my head. Sorry if that doesn’t make mych sense, but I appreciate your response
 
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hairybanana

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Aug 18, 2021
Messages
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Location
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Back to bed I go. I want to get things moving in some sort of forwards direction, but perhaps i need to be more patient with it and myself. I don’t do patient very well. I dont want to be so hard on myself anymore. Going to lie in bed and rest up before seeing my son later. Finding it a bit difficult today. I just don’t feel good on the inside. I want to feel better. What will it take? I don’t know. This is the question. I need to do a lot of sitting and thinking on how i can move forward from here so I don’t wind up going backwards. i want this to be the turning point for me. But i still feel so conflicted inside. It still very much feels like a war going on in my head. Me vs depression. I want to be kinder to myself about that rather than feeling defeated by it. I want to accept those parts of me and tend to them when it gets bad. I want to take better care of myself. I want to be around for my son. I want to be at peace and be alive. I want to get on top of it this time
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Mar 1, 2021
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4,808
Location
California
@hairybanana
It does feel like me vs depression and it is important to have patience and compassion for yourself. All the best for you is being wished. xo 💗
 
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