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I'm having a violent mental breakdown AGAIN [please help!!]

S

SquigglyLine

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Birmingham UK
I've been anxious for a while now and I did my weight using these bio impedance scales but found out they could measure fat too and one of the readings was 3 wavy lines to represent blood in the veins. They said 57% of my mass was blood so I got angry and smashed them now they don't work and say ''error'' everytime they try and give out a BI reading. In a fit of anger and panic I smashed them for making me have a panic attack that I have blood cancer (only 10% of the body mass should be blood not 57%) This was last night and I feel satisfied that the ''threat'' is now gone and I can't access it anymore so it can't make me feel afraid and upset.


My mental health has not been good this month. Already been in hospital due to mental health concerns (I ran out of Valium yesterday) and the bio scale was the tipping point and it was now I decided to just smash them as ''revenge'' for pushing me over the edge by making me assume I have cancer.


I am booking a cancer marker bloodwork Monday, but the results probably won't be for another week so I can't determine if those readings were real or the scales were broken to begin with. The body fat reading fluctuated a bit but seemed OK, it was the blood reading that was ridiculously higher than it should be.


My mother has blood cancer my grandma died of cancer in 2013 my friend died of diabetes just months before that so cancer is a MAJOR fear in my life and my mental health has been downhill ever since.




I posted thison Reddit TO GET SUPPORT so I wouldn't be of much of an anxious wreck, but got name-called and insulted which caused me to break more stuff (I just smashed my laptop mouse against a cupboard because I felt like smashing my screen. It's currently in pieces near the side of my bed). I am NOT well right now and I need support, not ****** insults. I have access to a mental health crisis line, but it is not available on weekends.


I just shot a pic of the broken mouse - (currently having to use my dodgy laptop touchpad)


Now I'm scared I'll break more stuff because I feel like harming myself again as well.
 
S

SquigglyLine

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Birmingham UK
I'm on Mirtazapine 30 mg (dose recently adjusted) but I am out of the sedating medications like diazapine and zopiclone, and without those my mental breakdowns can get extreme. I do NOT want to be in the ER again. I want support. you can PM me or reply here I don't care which. I just need a caring person to talk to right now.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
11,379
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
I'm so sorry you lost so many people in your life :hug:

I do hope the reading does not mean what you fear it means :hug:

Please don't self harm either, you don't deserve any of this :hug:

Keep talking to us on here :hug:
 
S

SquigglyLine

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Birmingham UK
Hello thank you for the quick reply it really helps :hug:

I will keep talking here as long as I can. I self harmed 2 weeks ago which is why I was in hospital. The Dr there prescribed me 5 mg Valium (14 pills) but I'm out of pills now so I'm back to being a wreck again.
 
S

SquigglyLine

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Birmingham UK
I asked a few days ago if I could get more Diazapam (Valium) he said no because I was only allowed 14 pills. But I could seriously do with some right now, I miss being relaxed and not feeling like I'm dying or about to go crazy.
 
S

SquigglyLine

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Birmingham UK
Why was you only allowed 14 pills? I may be missing something here :confused::hug:
I don't really know, but the nurse will be doing my bloods and I'll ask her next time, since when I was in Diazapam it was like being a kid again, stress free, able to relax, etc.. now first day with no Valium I'm turning back into my old unstable self again with all these horrible scenarios and thoughts playing in my head on fast.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,787
Location
Florida
Hi welcome to the forum. Sorry about the medications. It is different here in the USA I am prescribed 3mgs per day for 30 days until refill. Valium does nothing for me. at this high level. I always have extras left at the end of month as I just can not see them working. But I do know about withdraw from them which sends me into hallucinations and I become one big panic attack that last for weeks if I do not take them. So I know what you are feeling. Benzos are addicting and dangerous to come off of. Maybe I am sure the USA will follow England's protocol.

So sorry again. Can you drink a glass of tea or wine to calm down? Hugs
 
S

SquigglyLine

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Birmingham UK
Hi welcome to the forum. Sorry about the medications. It is different here in the USA I am prescribed 3mgs per day for 30 days until refill. Valium does nothing for me. at this high level. I always have extras left at the end of month as I just can not see them working. But I do know about withdraw from them which sends me into hallucinations and I become one big panic attack that last for weeks if I do not take them. So I know what you are feeling. Benzos are addicting and dangerous to come off of. Maybe I am sure the USA will follow England's protocol.

So sorry again. Can you drink a glass of tea or wine to calm down? Hugs
I am also going off of Zopiclone as its only say 10% effective, so I'm going to wait some months before I ask to try them again.
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
I've been anxious for a while now and I did my weight using these bio impedance scales but found out they could measure fat too and one of the readings was 3 wavy lines to represent blood in the veins. They said 57% of my mass was blood so I got angry and smashed them now they don't work and say ''error'' everytime they try and give out a BI reading. In a fit of anger and panic I smashed them for making me have a panic attack that I have blood cancer (only 10% of the body mass should be blood not 57%) This was last night and I feel satisfied that the ''threat'' is now gone and I can't access it anymore so it can't make me feel afraid and upset.


My mental health has not been good this month. Already been in hospital due to mental health concerns (I ran out of Valium yesterday) and the bio scale was the tipping point and it was now I decided to just smash them as ''revenge'' for pushing me over the edge by making me assume I have cancer.


I am booking a cancer marker bloodwork Monday, but the results probably won't be for another week so I can't determine if those readings were real or the scales were broken to begin with. The body fat reading fluctuated a bit but seemed OK, it was the blood reading that was ridiculously higher than it should be.


My mother has blood cancer my grandma died of cancer in 2013 my friend died of diabetes just months before that so cancer is a MAJOR fear in my life and my mental health has been downhill ever since.




I posted thison Reddit TO GET SUPPORT so I wouldn't be of much of an anxious wreck, but got name-called and insulted which caused me to break more stuff (I just smashed my laptop mouse against a cupboard because I felt like smashing my screen. It's currently in pieces near the side of my bed). I am NOT well right now and I need support, not ****** insults. I have access to a mental health crisis line, but it is not available on weekends.


I just shot a pic of the broken mouse - (currently having to use my dodgy laptop touchpad)


Now I'm scared I'll break more stuff because I feel like harming myself again as well.
Sorry you feel so angry right now. And also sorry people on Reddit were name calling. If I were you I would go to the hospital emergency room if you feel you could harm yourself. Best of luck and hope you feel better soon.
 
S

SquigglyLine

Member
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Birmingham UK
Sorry you feel so angry right now. And also sorry people on Reddit were name calling. If I were you I would go to the hospital emergency room if you feel you could harm yourself. Best of luck and hope you feel better soon.

I would like to, but I don't want to be in the ER for 5 hours again, and for my parents to be worried. I feel like talking here is helping me
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,787
Location
Florida
You are coming off a sleeping pill Zopiclone-this has to be disturbing you. I would be fitful angry too. Too much at one time. Just know in time this withdraw will pass. It is just so damn difficult to meet it head on. I am so sorry this is happening to you. There are plenty of people on this site who exercise and do all kinds of things to decrease anxiety depression. You are not alone. Keep on posting get your grip back on life as it is. Hugs
 
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