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I'm going to be 30 and I think I'm having a midlife crisis already....

K

khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
880
Location
Avenue Q in the US
I honestly think I'm suffering a midlife crisis even before I'm 30. The main reasons that I think this are I really have nothing to show what I've done in my life, I am stuck living on welfare checks and have no paying job, I dropped out of college, I have no friends, and I can't get anyone to like me longer than an average of two weeks before I get abandoned and the other person act as if I never existed. I then try to fill the void by buying stuff I don't even need. The worst part is that I spent about $500 on a certain item so I could get some pleasure (in polite terms) that I could only get with another person. I'm pretty sure if I had the $6000 to spend plus shipping and handling, I'd buy a male Real Doll and end up being the real life gay version of Lars and the Real Girl. The worst part would be me settling for a piece of sillicone because it's the ONLY thing that won't ever abandon me and the closest thing to a guy I probably will ever get. And this bothers me greatly that my life is so pathetic that the only guy I can ever get is basically plastic. Literally. It doesn't feel good knowing that this is most likely going to be my love life for the rest of my sad life. Even worse is that I'm sort of coming up witn names for the Real Doll if I had one and that I'd probably get his clothes from Goodwill and start thinking he is alive and referring the thing as my boyfriend. I honestly don't know what to do or how to escape this crisis!
 
katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Aw hun, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. Please don't give up on finding a flesh-and-blood boyfriend, though - there's no reason why you can't find one, and if you're unhappy with yourself and that's stopping you, there are always things you can do to change that. This life isn't your only option; it probably just seems that way right now.
 
K

khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
880
Location
Avenue Q in the US
I just feel like I have literally done nothing worthwhile with my life. And the constant rejection bothers me the most because everyone ELSE can get someone but I can't even get people to even stay interested in me longer than a month before they abandon me and act like I don't even exist? I mean why is that people like Snooki or Kim Kardashian or the bimbo who thinks she know everything about vaccines and basically is the reason there was a measles epidemic named Jenny McCarthy able to get men and I can't? I have basically given up all hopes I've ever had that SOMEONE wants me and just stopped caring about looking good other than showering and getting my hair cut and laundry. I mean why waste all the time and effort of being presentable if all I'm going to get is rejection? It's just not worth it.

And then there is the trauma that I seem to still have over feeling guilty about being jealous of the fundraisers that my high school had m entire senior year for the football star. I try to move on but it keeps coming back to haunt me worse every time I try to move past it. I mean I started to SI because I couldn't handle my emotions and SI seemed to make me forget it all. I can't talk to my sister about any of this because other than our mom she has never been rejected and abandoned and wouldn't understand how horrible it feels to know that the only way it seems people will go out with you is if someone else pays them. She went to the best college in the nation, always had good grades, got a perfect SAT score when it was still 1600, has a good paying job, and is married. I literally have nothing. And even if I DO somehow end up meeting a guy who is interested in me, I really can't be myself at all because as soon as I am, they abandon me the very next day and refuse to talk to me ever again. One guy refused to even talk to me because I admitted that I enjoy watching My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic. I even explained that I mainly liked the show because the animation is pretty good and the writing is excellent and witty which is something I like in a show. I even said that I wasn't one of those die-hard fans that write creepy fanfic about the characters and re-enacting entire episodes of the show using official merchandise. He still told me that he didn't want me now because I told him one of my interests and he didn't "want to be with someone who watches cartoons for 3 year old girls."
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi khuang

Sorry you are feeling so low.

Firstly you are still young, 30 is no age. You can still make the kind of life you want, you have to build it up bit by bit.

I can understand you want to find a partner, I am sure you will do. What are you doing in order to meet someone? If you have activities you are interested in, and get involved in them, you are more likely to find someone who shares those interests. Also becoming involved in things you like can help you to feel happier with your life.

If people are giving up on you after a month or so, be glad you found out fairly soon they are not good prospective partners. How much worse if you found out after a year. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it is about finding the right person.

It is worth thinking about how to meet someone suitable, rather than just seeing who you can find.

Don't know if any of this is useful, but I do wish you well. Sarah
 
K

khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
880
Location
Avenue Q in the US
I am starting to think that I should just give up any hope of ever finding someone who wants me. I just don't see the point in trying. Life just doesn't want me to have anything good and that basically includes relationships. Every time I want and hope for anything good, I NEVER get it and I think it's a sign that I don't deserve to be happy. No one wants me and I should just accept it. No matter what method of meeting people, they ALWAYS abandon me at some point no matter what. No one will talk to me when I go to the ONLY gay bar that is local to me, most of my profiles on dating sites have no hits for up to a year and when I do, the guy messages me for two weeks on average and then suddenly stop and act like I never existed, and there are literally no other places close to me where I can meet other gay men.
 
L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
I think that when you have a mental illness you are forced to ask the big questions in life.
fall in love with the life you already have and then add on bits that will make it better for you
whatever that is dance music art you don't need to be what society expects its ok to not baaa with the herd.
 
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