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I'm fine - but I constantly feel like I can't cope being alive anymore.

B

BSMRB

Active member
Joined
Apr 26, 2019
Messages
30
Location
Newport, Newport
Hi everyone,
I've had depression since I was about 12 (I'm 20 now). Things have been pretty rocky over the years and I'm slowly but surely getting worse.
My moods have been a roller-coaster this past year but I've never quite felt like this before.

So, lately, I've had this strong feeling that I really cannot cope anymore. Apart from my really depressed days, I've been okay (I guess), I've had days where I feel good (like today) but I've had this constant feeling of not being able to cope anymore, I feel like I want to end my life, I've been constantly suicidal and I just really wanna end it all, but i haven't been having the strong urge to do it like how I usually feel when I am depressed. (sorry if I'm not explaining this right or very clear, it's hard to get my head around)

I can have a really good day full of laughs and smiles, feeling okay in general and not feeling depressed atall, but at the same time I'll have all these thoughts about wanting to end my life and that I'm really not coping anymore, even right now, I've had a good day, i feel alright and I wouldn't say I felt depressed but my mind is currently telling me to kill myself and that life is too tough to keep going, I want to cry so much but I don't feel sad enough to cry?
I get thoughts like this when I'm really feeling depressed, but lately I've been having them no matter what mood I'm in.

What's wrong with me? How can I make it stop.. :(
 
pinscher chi

pinscher chi

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 16, 2019
Messages
153
Location
Indiana, USA
I wouldn't say I felt depressed but my mind is currently telling me to kill myself and that life is too tough to keep going
I would say you are definitely experiencing a mental health issue, whether it is clinical depression or something else. Some people's mental illness is very obvious to everyone around them but it's also common for people with mental health issues to be able to act "like everything's fine" (as in your case).

I would strongly urge you to try to get help, especially since you say your mind is having thoughts of suicide. Please seek help from a professional such as your GP, or local A&E, and also talk to a family member or friend who you trust!

Please message me or reply here if I can help in any other ways or give you more info.

These links / contacts can help you:

www.mentalhealth.org.uk/your-mental-health/getting-help

www.mind.org.uk
Provides information on a range of mental health topics to support people in their own area. Call between 9.00am and 6.00pm, Monday to Friday. 0300 123 3393 or email [email protected].
 
B

BSMRB

Active member
Joined
Apr 26, 2019
Messages
30
Location
Newport, Newport
I would say you are definitely experiencing a mental health issue, whether it is clinical depression or something else. Some people's mental illness is very obvious to everyone around them but it's also common for people with mental health issues to be able to act "like everything's fine" (as in your case).

I would strongly urge you to try to get help, especially since you say your mind is having thoughts of suicide. Please seek help from a professional such as your GP, or local A&E, and also talk to a family member or friend who you trust!

Please message me or reply here if I can help in any other ways or give you more info.

These links / contacts can help you:

www.mentalhealth.org.uk/your-mental-health/getting-help

www.mind.org.uk
Provides information on a range of mental health topics to support people in their own area. Call between 9.00am and 6.00pm, Monday to Friday. 0300 123 3393 or email [email protected].

Thankyou ever so much for your reply. I will schedule an appointment with my doctor as soon as i can. I just hope they can help.
Thankyou for the advice and the links&contacts you provided
 
pinscher chi

pinscher chi

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 16, 2019
Messages
153
Location
Indiana, USA
Thankyou ever so much for your reply. I will schedule an appointment with my doctor as soon as i can. I just hope they can help.
Thankyou for the advice and the links&contacts you provided

I am glad to help. If you have any difficulty accessing professional help, please message me, I'll be happy to give more advice!
 
S

sadpunchingbag

Guest
You’re title contradicts itself it’s ok to not be fine it’s ok to get help don’t want to sound like when you really don’t want to hear it but just consider if you try therapy or getting help you will feel better maybe even you won’t feel like you can’t go on ?
 
B

BSMRB

Active member
Joined
Apr 26, 2019
Messages
30
Location
Newport, Newport
You’re title contradicts itself it’s ok to not be fine it’s ok to get help don’t want to sound like when you really don’t want to hear it but just consider if you try therapy or getting help you will feel better maybe even you won’t feel like you can’t go on ?

I find it hard to explain myself sometimes but the title meant that I feel ok but my mind is having passive suicidal thoughts and urges no matter what mood I am in.
But thankyou - I will try therapy
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,885
Location
USA
Def look into therapy. Also think about what are your expectations for yourself? Are they unrealistic? Is okay not good enough for you?

Then reframe what you expect of yourself. Be kind to yourself.
 
B

BSMRB

Active member
Joined
Apr 26, 2019
Messages
30
Location
Newport, Newport
Def look into therapy. Also think about what are your expectations for yourself? Are they unrealistic? Is okay not good enough for you?

Then reframe what you expect of yourself. Be kind to yourself.
I will. I guess I do expect alot of unrealistic things from myself. About 98% of the time I don't feel good enough & everything I do isn't good enough either... But it's so hard to change my mindset when I hate myself so much - but I'm working on it as best I can for the moment!
 
J

Jay1976

Active member
Joined
Jan 28, 2020
Messages
27
Location
Delhi
I find it hard to explain myself sometimes but the title meant that I feel ok but my mind is having passive suicidal thoughts and urges no matter what mood I am in.
But thankyou - I will try therapy
I totally get what you mean, the worst feeling in the world is something telling me at the back of my head that not killing myself is only delaying the inevitable and that I will succumb yet I do not want to cause any pain to any one who loves me so what if I am too numb to their feelings I wouldn't wish them the mind that I live in who knows how they would react if I took my life . If there is anything I wish for it's none should be imprisoned in their heads like i am. Hope you get better and get all the help to cope.
 
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