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I'm fearful for a friend in her relationship with a psychopath.

Dy7anr72

Dy7anr72

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
I said in my introduction post that I understand that psychopathy itself is not a diagnosis, but here is my explanation of the situation.. I ask that you don't ask for specific information on dates/names/location or anything that could give away my own or my family's identity. I'm already afraid that someone I know is going to find me on this website and get me in trouble.
Nicknames (these are not their real names) : Darwin (my brother) Alice (his girlfriend of 1 and a half years)
My brother was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder a few years ago and then was seen by a different psychologist early last year, she was incredibly nice good communication with me and my family but she stopped seeing Darwin a few months later because she felt he was no longer being co operative. I don't know what that really means, I didn't get a chance to ask but she left me with two files of what she wrote about Darwin and some advice to pass on to Alice.
Just know that I'm not very knowledgeable on psychopathy in general, but I know my brother very well so does mum and we have always suspected something was wrong right from the start, Darwin had unusual behaviors right from a small child. Please hear that my mum is a wonderful person, she raised my siblings and I alone and has never once hit or shouted at any of us. She took the time to try and get Darwin help as a child once his behaviors became worse, but nothing seemed to help as he really wouldn't have a bar of it.
As he's already been evaluated for other mental health conditions if you're wondering, I'm sure his diagnosis is correct.

Darwin in general has multiple personas he displays or creates for specific people, he puts people into categories and has had friends and relationships but they never lasted any longer than a month or two unless they were very useful in some way. Him and I unfortunately don't have the best relationship as brothers, he's never liked me and claims I'm a 'wannabe hero' even though this isn't true. Our relationship has gotten to the point where it's just doing favors for each other, but I feel like he just uses me for many reasons.


So my current problem which I'm asking for advice over,

Darwin met a girl a year and a half ago he met Alice, she's a lot younger than him and is still in college. I spoke to her after a few months of them being together, I knew I was risking possibly getting my ass beat but I couldn't stand the anxiety I had about what Darwin would eventually do to her, basically heartbreak her like all those other girls so I told her about Darwin's diagnosis and informed her about what psychopathy is, this didn't really go to plan as she never took this as a sign to get away from him but instead dedicated herself to stay with him and from many conversations we've had, said that Darwin told her how the other girls never really loved him and Alice intrigues him as she seems so different. I think he's taking advantage of the fact he somehow knows I told Alice he's a psychopath and convinced her that she's managed to 'change him.' Darwin doesn't personally believe psychopathy even exists besides from in movies, so he thinks its utterly fictional. I don't think Alice is stupid, she seems like such a bright girl and is doing well in college but she's really getting her brain turned to mush by Darwin and it's making it hard for me to sleep at night. Sexual, emotional and mental abuse has been involved in his previous relationships, most of those girls befriended me and basically talked to me throughout the whole thing, in the end both them and even their family becomes affected. They're all so young as easily fooled.
I'm extremely afraid of the consequences if I yet again try to break apart Alice's relationship with Darwin, the fact that she loves him so much despite what she knows is so sweet, she even knows she's in danger but says she'll deal with it. But she really doesn't know what she's doing, I've tried countless times to talk her out of it but she won't listen or take any of the advice I give her. I care about her so much and she's family at this point, she's already being abused/manipulated and doesn't realize it. Shes spent so much time educating herself on psychopathy and personality disorders / psychology in general, she wants to be a psychologist when she gets out of college. I really want her to get out of the relationship safely before she really is in serious danger. It's not physical abuse so I can't get the police involved. I'm so stuck.
 
Z

Zoe1

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its nice of you to care
I think your ' being there for her ' is probably helpful
just let her know that you are there for her

:hug:
 
H

Helena1

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Did your bother give his permission for his psychologist to be communicating with you and giving you his medical records?

How is Alice already being abused?
I don't think their is much you can do except to make sure she knows you are there if she ever wants to talk.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
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It is very kind of you to care for Alice as much as you do and to worry about how this relationship could negatively affect her. It seems she is quite enamoured by your brother and she will only be able to see whether his behavior becomes damaging if she finds out herself. Lots of people choose to be in unhealthy relationships for many different reasons. Clearly she is getting something that she really likes out of the relationship or she wouldn’t stay. I think it’s important to respect both of their interests in being together. I think other posters suggestions that you stay friendly with her is a good one. Try to think less about it and become less actively involved in their relationship. You have your own affairs to worry about and sometimes people are better off if they learn things the hard way on their own.
 
Dy7anr72

Dy7anr72

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
Did your bother give his permission for his psychologist to be communicating with you and giving you his medical records?

How is Alice already being abused?
I don't think their is much you can do except to make sure she knows you are there if she ever wants to talk.
Yeah he did, it was made very clear from the start by the psychologist that permission had to be granted first.
It’s nothing physical but he’s messing with her social life, not allowing her to have friends by basically convincing them to hate Alice. It’s something he’s good at doing, turning people against each other. Around last year he caused most of my friends to completely dump me from their group.
He’s stopping her from going to college and getting important work done, which is getting her into trouble and apparently just stopping her from being independent all around. It’s obviously distressing her but she seems very forgiving of Darwin.
 
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Helena1

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How did he cause your friends to dump you?
 
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Mary26

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Feb 28, 2018
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So Alice told you she knows she's in danger but wants to remain in the relationship. There you go. I don't know about you but in my experience people don't generally take advice. They listen politely, nod, thank you and do whatever the heck they please. Good news? You've done your due diligence and you're not responsible for whatever happens to her. She is. And if she ends up getting hurt, it will hopefully be a learning experience.
 
Dy7anr72

Dy7anr72

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
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United Kingdom
So Alice told you she knows she's in danger but wants to remain in the relationship. There you go. I don't know about you but in my experience people don't generally take advice. They listen politely, nod, thank you and do whatever the heck they please. Good news? You've done your due diligence and you're not responsible for whatever happens to her. She is. And if she ends up getting hurt, it will hopefully be a learning experience.
Yeah I’ve found that too, It’s frustrating but I can’t do anything about it. Everybody that has commented has made a good point to me so I’m going to leave it at that, I’ve been thinking about it the past few days and realized that I just have to leave it be. She had to learn for herself really.
 
Dy7anr72

Dy7anr72

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
How did he cause your friends to dump you?
Over time he told them lies about me, I don’t remember what all of them were but they were mostly being convinced that I was using them in some way, I don’t know how he made sense of it but he did. This all happened behind my back and my friends had absolutely no interest in letting me ask anything or explain.
 
Dy7anr72

Dy7anr72

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2020
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
It is very kind of you to care for Alice as much as you do and to worry about how this relationship could negatively affect her. It seems she is quite enamoured by your brother and she will only be able to see whether his behavior becomes damaging if she finds out herself. Lots of people choose to be in unhealthy relationships for many different reasons. Clearly she is getting something that she really likes out of the relationship or she wouldn’t stay. I think it’s important to respect both of their interests in being together. I think other posters suggestions that you stay friendly with her is a good one. Try to think less about it and become less actively involved in their relationship. You have your own affairs to worry about and sometimes people are better off if they learn things the hard way on their own.
I understand that, I thought about the whole situation and I’ve decided to just leave them be. I don’t want to bother Darwin anymore than I want to bother Alice, whatever he has he around for it’s his business and likely matters to him. He’s already sick of me getting in the way of his life so I should just stop.

Alice really genuinely loves him and our mum adores her and their relationship so why ruin it for everyone? I’ll leave the post up incase anyone else has opinions/advice but as for now I’m fine. I’ll get over it.
 
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