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I'm done with it all

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bex1985

Active member
Joined
Mar 13, 2012
Messages
32
Location
Berkshire
All the pretending, all the falseness, all of the 'I'm fine' etc... Well I'm not fine, I'm not ok- just let me sit and stare at the wall without asking me if I'm fine every two mins. I'm done with the urgent care team who have done nothing but doled out meds to me every day for the last two to three weeks. I'm done with sitting on the stairs rocking back and forth. I'm done with my jiggly legs and twitchy hands. I'm done pretending the cuts on my hands are from thorns or cats. I'm done with the constant raging battle in my head. I don't feel right,I don't feel fine and no one is listening. I'm done with the constant prick of tears in my eyes. I'm done with not driving as I am 'not fit' according to the DVLA, I'm sick of the threat of social services looming over my head. I can't convey whats wrong with mummy to my daughter. I just want to be on my own, away from the world. I want to I to sleep for a year, wake up and then everything be ok. I'm a zombie, I'm a mess and I'm scared of own thoughts and actions. Sorry for the histrionics,but i can't get his out any other way.
 
J

jaxie40

Former member
Aww bex1985. I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but I have none. Just keep talking to us on here, we'll listen to you as much as you need :hug:
 
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TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
Bex - I wrote a big long post, but I deleted it as I don't know if it was advice or not more of just saying that I understand.

How old is your daughter??? Can someone not help you with her? (easier said than done I know).

I feel for you I really do, I'm in tears reading your post as I feel the same. im sick of it.

sorry i cant help. talk if you want too? lots of hugs toona x
 
B

bex1985

Active member
Joined
Mar 13, 2012
Messages
32
Location
Berkshire
She is nearly seven... I'm sorry I made you teary as well. My on/off who I'm living with cant help me much with her as he has an erratic work schedule. Driving is my freedom and now that has been taken away too. I've been of work now for nearly three months and I will stop getting paid soon. my debts are piling up, I'm not hungry, tired... Or anything for that fact. I'm just, well, nothing. I'm a diagnosis.not a person anymore- and I'm sick of it.
 
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TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
Bex you are a person , your are a girlfriend, your are a mum, your are a friend, your are my cyber friend he he.

Sorry to hear about you not gettin paid, you should apply for inc benefit or whatever the hell they call it now and disability living allowance.

Your daugher is 7. My daughter is 5. and my son is 13. He was 8 when i was first admitted to hosp so has grown up with it. And far from making him worry,i think explaining things to him, made him less worried and more caring. he has grown up to be a v caring young man, and kind and gentle.

I think maybe you could explaing to your daugher, there is actually a book you can get from the library or online, about having a parent with bipolar, schiophernia, depression. it is really good, and for about your daughters age group.

you didnt make me cry, i was crying already he he, im just a crying machine at the minute.

wish you were closer we could have a cuppie and a blether. hugaroons xx
 
loulabelle

loulabelle

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2011
Messages
2,487
Location
somewhere over the rainbow
awww bex ur post really touched me, im sorry u are feeling so unwell at the moment there seems to be a lot of us struggling at the moment what we need is somewhere to go somewere we can all sit smelling (coz we cant be arsed to shower) somewere were we have a mum feed us and give us tea and biscuits and a shrink with his/ her magic pill u kno the one u take once and walllla all cured well i guess i can dream XX
 
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jaxie40

Former member
Loulabelle, that's a lovely thought, having people around who you can relate to, and who can relate to you also. Also having a mum who gives a damn about her daughter more than worrying about the affect her daughter's mental health is having on her would make a change too! Definitely bring on the pill that's a cure-all :grouphug:
 
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bex1985

Active member
Joined
Mar 13, 2012
Messages
32
Location
Berkshire
Thank you all for your help- I was admitted last night into my local hospital after a nasty quetiapine experience. They think it may be good for me to be stress free while I start on my new meds. feeling a bit down and testy at the mo so will post later on. Thanks for all your help again x lifesavers the lot of you!!!!
 
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jaxie40

Former member
Just keep us updated when you can if you feel up to it, bex1985. Look after yourself :grouphug:
 
Eve23

Eve23

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 20, 2010
Messages
144
Just keep us updated when you can if you feel up to it, bex1985. Look after yourself :grouphug:
I can only second that. I hope they take good care of you, get well and take your time.
 
Yorkshirelass

Yorkshirelass

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2012
Messages
748
Location
North Yorkshire
Look after yourself Bex. I know what you mean about driving being freedom - I couldn't drive for 4 months last year, being 'unfit' etc. - was like having my legs and arms cut off. I was where you are now this time last year. I had just about had it with everyone and everything and completely lost hope.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Sorry anybody does x
 

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