- Oct 22, 2018
Hi, i don't really know how to express my feelings. I'm not used to talking about my feelings. I guess I just have too many issues. I'm confused about myself, other people and just about everything in general. I feel like I'm falling apart and I don't know if i can be saved. I've tried so hard to distract myself lately. I even started studying Japanese, just to keep myself occupied. One of my problems is the fact that I'm asexual and I feel so alone. I don't think I'll ever get married or find love. God knows I've tried so hard. I'm too complicated, I don't even understand myself. I feel like my mind is playing with me and lying to me about everything. I don't trust myself or anyone else. I always hope for the best and get disappointed. People disappoint me. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to connect, tired of hoping, tired of being let down. I keep trying to tell myself that not everyone is out to get me, but I don't even believe that myself. I don't have anything figured out, not even a little. I've had depression before too, but I feel like my depression never left. I think i ignored it and faked my happiness for myself. I feel like I've been lying to myself all this time. I mean what's the point in anything if I'm too broken to begin with? I'm always on my own, with no help. I always help others with their issues and it makes me mad that I can solve their mental issues but can't even understand my own. It doesn't make any sense.