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I'm curious about bipolar 2

U

Unknown Master

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Denmark
Hello,

I am a guy, 18 years old, from Denmark and I am studying at the moment. My psychiatrist have not diagnosed me with bipolar yet, as the mental health system in Denmark is quite late and not up to date. I am struggling with anxiety and depression. The only diagnosis I have is depression. Even tho I have bad anxiety, and I am also quite introvert and quiet. I have struggled with these symptoms since I was 15-16 years old. I went through a tough childhood. I witnessed my mom almost getting killed with a saw by my dad. My parents got divorced, my dad went to jail because of weed growing and I and my brother lived with our mom. As of today, I have a great connection to my dad and brother, but I don't have any connection with my mom. She is cut off from my life. My brother and I experienced a lot of psychological violence, as our mother was diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder. My dad is diagnosed with bipolar I and have many manic episodes. I smoke weed to have better sleep and to function properly with my anxiety. I take 50mg quitapine(25-50mg PN, morning and evening) and gapapentin(1200 mg, morning) and I'm feeling well.

I have a theory that I might be bipolar II, because of everything I have experienced and the way my brain works. I have many depressed episodes and they're quite rough on my mental health. I don't experience any manic episodes, or rather I don't see them myself. I gamble quite a lot, and it is almost impulsive every time. I always end up regretting big time. I see myself as a gambling god when I'm betting. I don't know if this is manic, but I'm sure I experience hypomanic episodes, especially in school. I might arrive sad and down, but a simple smile or a favorite teacher can turn my mood around dramatically. I experience fast-talking and racing thoughts when I'm with a good friend alone. Because of my anxiety and me being introvert make me believe that my hypomanic episodes don't happen when my anxiety is high and on alert. And my sleep is very variated, I always wake up before my alarm, every time a few minutes before. I might even have gone to sleep 1-2 am. Days when I slept a lot I'm almost always tired and unmotivated to wake up, but when I get minimum sleep(4-6 hours) I function very well, low anxiety and I'm happy most of the time. I get very easily distracted, but at the same time, I can focus very well on things like listening to the teacher and making my homework. I have restless legs and it feels weird to not move them around and shake/wiggle them.

My psychiatrist doesn't think that I might be bipolar, and it annoys me so much. She says it's too early to tell, and I understand her answer because I've read that bipolar disorder is very invisible in a young age.

I would be very glad if any of you could share any useful information. :)
 
WhiteHydrangeas

WhiteHydrangeas

Member
Joined
Mar 5, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Pensacola, FL
First of all, I am heartbroken for your childhood. Most of us can say we’ve had one instance or another of disfunction along the way, but very few can attest to what you have gone through. It’s honestly a wonder that you have pulled through in one piece.

Second - and I’m not a psychiatrist so take this for what it’s worth - it seems that there may be several issues at play here I only can say this because I have a family that runs the range from depression all the way to personalitiy disorders. And because of that, I think I recognize some of your symptoms.

Third, it is not too early to at least try treating a perceived diagnosis of bipolar. I’m not sure what that could hurt. But again, I do not have an M.D. after my name.

Bipolar I and II present lots of different symptoms. Yours could be impulsivity (gambling, especially with regret), highs and lows (depression, mania), self-medicating (weed - although, lots of folks just like to smoke weed 😉), feelings of grandiosity (a gambling god), sleep issues, racing thoughts, inability to focus. There is also the prevalent risk factor of your family history. Mine can be associated with my mother. My son’s is directly associated with me.

The anxiety can be attributed to lots of things. While it can certainly be a stand-alone diagnosis, it can also stem from bipolar. They are discovering more symptoms every day as the research continues to pry deeper into the illness.

I hope that helps. But after all of my thoughts, I again need to stress that your doctor would know best. Write these symptoms down and how they are directly manifested in your daily life. Use specific examples. Maybe if she sees it in black and white, she will be more prone to at least treating it as such and see how that goes.

Best of luck in your journey through this. And keep us posted on how you progress.
 
B

BrightEyedGirl

Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Canada
I was not diagnosed as Bipolar 2 until about age 27, but from a psychiatrist sifting through my past, they figure it first manifested around age 16. A lot in that span of 11 years made no sense until the day he explained it to me at 27. It was severe depression that brought me into his spotlight, I would sit and cry for HOURS over nothing. When people would ask me what was wrong, all I could say was "I don't know" and then they would look at me funny. I had crippling anxiety attacks throughout too, even after being medicated, had to stop taking the anxiety meds because they made me feel like a zombie, felt no pleasure of any kind. The anxiety is still there, but nowhere as debilitating as it was in my teen and early 20's.

I experience a lot of traits you have shared, and bipolar is known to run in families. My siblings and I are pretty sure our mom is a undiagnosed case, most likely type 2. She would NEVER accept it though, hell her and my dad don't accept my diagnosis now, if it comes up, its an automatic change of conversation. At least my sister and her husband (he is BP too) understand, but its still feels awkward talking about it together.

Bipolar does not mean the end of your life, I have a diploma in child/ youth care and another certificate in healthcare. The first one being done unmedicated and running free, lol. I agree it is a struggle to get them when you feel low and second guess youself, but I made it through by saying "no, I can do this!" again and again, even when I wanted to give up, and I did it.

I hope you will get the answers you are searching for soon, I wish I could have known so much earlier in my life. Those 11 years felt like a neverending maze of twists and turns with no cheese at the end....and even now, some days or weeks are day by day. But things are much better than they used to be.
 
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