I'm Confused!

My_Second_Chance

My_Second_Chance

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Joined
Dec 15, 2017
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29
Location
London, UK
#1
This attachment style is soo confusing.

When I tell him I love him and I want us to commit one day. He pushes me away and distances himself. Doesn't reply to my texts and avoids going out with me when I iniate. Says not loving him would make things easier and doesn't feel the same way as I do. Starts acting anxious around me by the fact that I love him. But he does continue to laugh with me. Replies sometimes to my messages.

Saids he doesn't mind us dating and hanging out. But no commitment. Then we can work on things and sees how things go.

So I try to make things easier for him. To help him to feel better and move on. I tell him I don't love him.

I thought this way it would make him feel better and less anxious.

Nope this in fact makes things worse.

The fact I tell him I don't love him appears to make him feel hurt and angry towards me. He distances himself. Gets angry towards me. Holds a grudge. Doesn't acknowledge me. Appears really upset and makes it clear to me.

Tells me no we cant work on things. Doesn't ever want to get back.

Then acts and starts to get jealous when I mention about dating someone new. Gets upset and starts to try to make me jealous.

Holds resentment and anger towards me and refuses to be nice ever since I told him I don't love him.

I'm confused.
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
Do you love him? I'm confused too by what you mean here. He obviously wants you to show love towards him. If you want to be with him then tell him and ask him why he wants everything casual but not want to commit to you in some way.

Or maybe you want to move on, which is fine, but if so cut off ties and let him move on too. Sorry I'm not being much help here but I'm not clear what you mean. I hope that all makes sense.
 
D

Dulcie

Guest
#3
What a distressing way your relationship has turned out.

I don't know how long the two of you have been going for, but from what you said, it's plain your relationship is dead in the water.

The cardinal rule for any relationship is trust and honesty. No matter what excuse you made, you lied saying you didn't love him. It is hardly surprising he is feeling hurt and angry and holds a grudge, therefore distancing himself. Anyone would distance themselves for fear of being hurt.

All he wanted was to date and hang out, and no committment. Working on the relationship would have taken trust, but your withholding the truth even took his hope away. I feel so sad for the poor man.

Do the decent thing and finish your relationship. Please don't 'text dump' him. Write a decent letter apologising for how appallingly your friendship failed. Wish him well for the future. You don't belong to him.

The man deserves better. He wants a gentle woman. One who is honest and trustworthy, understanding and patient.
 
My_Second_Chance

My_Second_Chance

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Dec 15, 2017
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#4
Dulcie - have you read my previous posts?

If not. You may want too. Just to ensure you make a clear judgement.
 
D

Dulcie

Guest
#5
Dulcie - have you read my previous posts?

If not. You may want too. Just to ensure you make a clear judgement.
Lately because my wife is sick and I've a business to run, I've had little time to look after my own daughter, let alone be here. I apologise if my response came across as harsh, but can only respond to how you wrote what you did.

Time allowing, I will try harder next time. :)

Dulcie.
 
S

Seth1403

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Joined
Jun 9, 2014
Messages
15
#6
claustrophobic maybe?

I am the same in a relationship, which is why I don't enter relationships anymore. I cannot tell you why he is the way he is but for me, I feel very claustrophobic in a relationship and for that reason I don't commit to one anymore as I've hurt some people in doing so during my teenage years, and even hurt woman who had feelings for me and tried for months to get me to notice them but I kept giving them the cold shoulder because I knew if I entered a relationship with them I would only end up hurting them, and now some really hate me for ignoring them despite me explaining why we cannot be together... Not saying this is the reason but could be, and if it is your probably best leaving and save yourself the heart ache. claustrophobic or not, he shouldn't mess with your head like this and that's what he is doing whether he knows it or not.
 
Last edited:
M

Mary26

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Feb 28, 2018
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USA
#7
So he's giving you completely mixed messages? My guess is that there's more going on than he's telling you--like he loves you but is terrified of commitment or he has self-esteem issues and it's safer to push you away or he's pushing you away to test you. But the only way you can know for sure is ask him and I would approach from the perspective of how it makes you feel because if it's about you and not him, he may open.
 

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