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I'm confused and don't know what to believe

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Podgal35

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
Hi,
I have been in a on off relationship for nearly 5 years with a person who has depression. Everytime we have broken up it's because he is going through a episode and he says he isn't certain of us etc. But he is always the person who initiates contact again, that can range from 1-5 months. When we get back together he love bombs me but it slowly declines. It breaks my heart everytime and I have said I believe it's his depression but he has said I probably know him more than he knows himself. I have encouraged counselling but he won't go. He has been on and off meds with no real success.
I have researched so much about depression so I have a better understanding but we get nowhere.
We are currently in contact but not together and he is hot and cold with messaging. It is confusing me and causing me a lot of anxiety. I just don't know if I should be holding on for someone who i wonder really loves me or is just using me??
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya and :welcome: to the forum. Its a tricky one. I am diagnosed bipolar and get serious depressions often. But I don't treat other people badly because of it. I can be "off" at times but not rude or unpleasant. I think he might be using his MH to excuse what is really bad behaviour on his part. He needs to take his meds consistently or not at all, but on and off is going to make him worse. What are his reasons for not taking them?

Basically, its down to you. How much harm/good is coming out of this relationship? Is it time to move on or do you think there is hope of something at the end of it? I know from what you have written what I think, but that is irrelevant - its what you think that counts. But most of all you need to put your needs first and ask yourself what you want to do not what he needs.
 
greebobeebo

greebobeebo

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Seems to me that he's using you as a convenience. Just because he is depressed doesn't mean you have to pander to his every whim.
If it was me, I would tell him it isn't working and wander off into the sunset thinking, thank God I have more self esteem than him. 😁
 
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Podgal35

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
Hiya and :welcome: to the forum. Its a tricky one. I am diagnosed bipolar and get serious depressions often. But I don't treat other people badly because of it. I can be "off" at times but not rude or unpleasant. I think he might be using his MH to excuse what is really bad behaviour on his part. He needs to take his meds consistently or not at all, but on and off is going to make him worse. What are his reasons for not taking them?

Basically, its down to you. How much harm/good is coming out of this relationship? Is it time to move on or do you think there is hope of something at the end of it? I know from what you have written what I think, but that is irrelevant - its what you think that counts. But most of all you need to put your needs first and ask yourself what you want to do not what he needs.
He isn't really rude or unpleasant which is probably hardest part. I think the meds make his symptoms worse.
He is a doctor and know what he should be doing but I think he is worried about stigma attached. But also I think he is worried about facing up to the the past and also his mental health problems (this part is my opinion).

It is causing more harm at the moment especially as recently he let me down but is being a good friend to everyone else. Plus no contact. I want something good to come out but I feel its being ruined.... I feel so torn.
 
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Podgal35

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
Seems to me that he's using you as a convenience. Just because he is depressed doesn't mean you have to pander to his every whim.
If it was me, I would tell him it isn't working and wander off into the sunset thinking, thank God I have more self esteem than him. 😁
You and many others feel the same. That's why I'm so torn. Thank you for your honesty
 
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Podgal35

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
Hiya and :welcome: to the forum. Its a tricky one. I am diagnosed bipolar and get serious depressions often. But I don't treat other people badly because of it. I can be "off" at times but not rude or unpleasant. I think he might be using his MH to excuse what is really bad behaviour on his part. He needs to take his meds consistently or not at all, but on and off is going to make him worse. What are his reasons for not taking them?

Basically, its down to you. How much harm/good is coming out of this relationship? Is it time to move on or do you think there is hope of something at the end of it? I know from what you have written what I think, but that is irrelevant - its what you think that counts. But most of all you need to put your needs first and ask yourself what you want to do not what he needs.
I would value your opinion though??
Especially from a person who can relate to the symptoms he is going through :)
 
calypso

calypso

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I think he is treating you very badly and I would end the relationship if it was me. But I asked all the questions because you need to answer them yourself and do what feels right for you.
 
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Podgal35

Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
I think he is treating you very badly and I would end the relationship if it was me. But I asked all the questions because you need to answer them yourself and do what feels right for you.
I understand why you asked the questions :) thank you for your honesty. I need to get the courage to do the right thing for me
 
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