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I'm completely lost.

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JayleyW

New member
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Uk
Hi,

I'm not in a good place. I feel so unhappy and anxious.. all of the time. It's Friday and I'm already dreading Monday. I'm dreading another night of nightmares, and feeling exhausted for the precious 2 days I have off a week.

I'm 34, I live alone. I have a long term boyfriend who lives abroad and isn't allowed to enter the UK without a Visa. We hope to attempt this but we dont meet all of the criteria and this could take up to 6 months, esp after Covid, and will cost all of my boyfriends inheritance. The criteria I do meet is salary, long-term employment and having my own property. The problem is I despise my job. It's a small open plan office, a third of which are related to the boss and can speak and behave however they please. The other non relative whispers and cackles away with them, everybody fighting to speak about themselves. I've been told to f off and go home, that I'm not needed along with regular subtle digs. I'm not confrontational and I'm constantly on edge, to the point that I now barely speak. I dont even recognize myself, the things I awkwardly say, how depressive I am. I feel zero connection. The job was a stop gap, I got it after returning from abroad, just as lockdown began because I have to pay a mortgage etc. Its a brain numbing admin role, 8 hours of answering the phone emailing and scanning, being asked by my 'peers' how to spell basic words and yet being degraded with paper being simple dumped on the floor for me to pick up and shred for them. I'm pretty switched on, I'm highly creative and have a colourful cv. There are no jobs near me of any creative interest, all admin, support work and factory jobs. I have a side art business which I'm proud of, but little energy or time to really push it forwards.

I feel trapped as I need this job to ever have any chance of my boyf being here. I feel too depressed to sell myself in an interview. My family don't play an active role in my life and I've always felt belittled by them. My friends all have their own lives, you g families.. Nobody around me understands what it's like to have no support whatsoever, to be completely self sufficient and completely alone. I have zero purpose and I'm struggling to see any light.

I love nature, I love travel and the outdoors and I love art. But I need somewhere to live and most of my weeks hours are simply devoted to paying to keep my head above water. What is the point?

I'm really open to alternatives ideas. This life is not working for me and I'm struggling to get perspective right now.
 
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Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,970
Location
Florida
Awwh JayleyW I know how you are feeling. You need to watch some good nature movies. You are not falling off the cliff as long as you keep hanging on. I work as a homemaker and it is an endless job with no perks. I live out in wooded country and it is so beautiful. Kinda wish I had bears and wolves coming on my property. I found a Trail hiking group in my area. Just reluctant to go to meetings. But I bet this is the best group of people I could meet. Keep hanging on. Life will be kind to you. Big Hugs Jules
 
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Dispatch

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 9, 2020
Messages
529
Location
USA
well the first thing that came to mind as far as advice goes , you might have to grin and bear it a little while longer. You did say this was a stop gap position so that’s the way I would approach it ... I’m only here temporarily so I can handle this crap. All the while looking for other employment opportunities.
As you already know, it’s all in the way we approach things that make the difference. If we’re always thinking how terrible something is, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy ... it WILL be terrible, but if we can find some things to like about it (until another, better job comes around) then it might not be as bad as we thought after all. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s just a matter of trying your best to stay positive and not think about what happens at work. Once you leave work, work stays behind.
 
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MouthyOne

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
129
Location
Scotland
The office cacklers and blethers (if that is want you mean about your workmates) are likely faking being happy where as you are one step ahead. Office spaces can be a funny environment at times.
 
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