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I'm closed off & it's ruining my life

SicklyBloom

SicklyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
112
Location
USA
I'm a closed off person by nature and it has done nothing but remind me of how hopeless I am. People always tease me about how I need to get out of my shell or they give me the cold shoulder because I give off a certain vibe. I honestly have come to hate the term "vibe" because people use it to shove their positivity crap down my throat. I'm a geode, I may seem dull or serious on the outside, but inside I'm so much more. It seems like people don't want to take their time to understand me and would much rather go with someone who's already approachable. Since COVID began, I'm stuck with my family, especially my emotionally strenuous father who has selective hearing. I feel like a loser because I don't have any friends, not even close ones, null! I'm stuck at home with consuming thoughts, social anxiety, and body dysmorphia due to a skin condition. I enjoy going on outings but only when I have my mother present with me because I'm insecure when I'm alone. I wouldn't say I'm completely closed off because I tend to talk to my neighbor who has a basset hound named Charlie who surprisingly makes talking easier. I've been thinking of adopting a puppy to become my emotional support animal but I'll have to wait until I'm on my own. I believe the only true companions I have are animals, but I know this because I'm an animal person.

I feel bad that people still judge my appearance because I come off a "prudent" or "somber" person but I honestly can't help it. I've accepted that I'm just a melancholic person and I wish people wouldn't act so stubborn around me. Even though I'm in my early 20's, I still haven't made any real friends. I think it's also because I'm a bit of an old soul and so people just assume I'm too emotionally draining be around despite them never inviting me to go anywhere. During my childhood, so I tend to take jokes way too seriously. At least I believe that I'm someone worth being around, I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. All I can say is that maybe it's better this way. The more I try, the more it'll hurt, so I'm going to spare myself the trouble for good.
 
C

Coolname

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 3, 2019
Messages
590
Location
UK
Hi

I'm glad you know that you are worth being around. A dog sounds like a good idea, but I hope you don't give up on people yet. Sometimes it takes a while to find people you are comfortable with and who are comfortable with you, your people are out there.
 
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