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I'm being questioned about my love.

Iamsoconfused

Iamsoconfused

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2016
Messages
89
Hi, i have been having this awkward situation with my mom come up sometimes. It doesn't happen a lot but when it does it leaves me feeling really bad about myself and guilty.

My relationship with my mother is not healthy and is pretty codependent. I was raised in a dysfunctional environment and had a lot of neglect too. I am in therapy now, and i have become very aware of my mother's bad personality traits in the last 5 or 6 years. I suspect she might be personality disordered or just severely codependent.

I sometimes yell at my mother for disrespecting my needs and boundaries. She doesn't find it easy to be interested in who i am as a person, and i have tried to let her get to know me but she still never really acts like she does know me. I don't really get listened to and a lot about me is ignored. She can talk about herself for hours, gossip about other people and just seems really ADD but she would never do anything to get help. I have asked her to see a therapist but she still uses me as her friend and therapist.

I depend on her a lot for help with stuff with doctors, as i get overwhelmed eado not have other support in my life and do not really have relationships with my family too much either. I have a lot of resentment towards my mom for neglecting me and also for putting me in harmful situations as a kid. She doesn't really do that now as i am an adult.

The thing is on three separate occasions my mother has asked me if i love her. I feel very uncomfortable with her asking me that because the truth is i don't think so. Not in the regular sense i guess where people have attachment and closeness and all that. I care for her and i want the best for her, but who she is as a person, i really don't like her. She makes me uncomfortable.

She said yesterday, it is good to hear i love you, so i said i love you but felt like i was lying. I don't want to keep lying to her but i do depend on her for a lot of help with my insurance and medical needs.

What should i do, i know she is going to ask me this again someday and i want to be more prepared to answer her. She only asks me when she and i are in a good mood and laughing together. Basically when my guard is down. It comes as a surprise and leaves me feeling awkward and like a fake.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
It's good that you are aware of how you actually feel, Iamsoconfused. Perhaps it is not wise to be brutally honest with her at this point.
 
Iamsoconfused

Iamsoconfused

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2016
Messages
89
It's good that you are aware of how you actually feel, Iamsoconfused. Perhaps it is not wise to be brutally honest with her at this point.
Hi Poopy Doll, thank you for advising me. I am trying to keep it to myself because i don't want to hurt her feelings. I am just trying to spend less time with her as i get drained by the interactions.
 
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