Im ashamed of my voices

L

Loopylou83

New member
Joined
Jul 11, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Uk wales
#1
My voices tell me to do bad things to my friends. I ignore then but in the past when I see in hospital I acted on then and I'm scared this might happen again. Dose anyone else have these thoughts and how do u handle them.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
513
Location
Sheffiield
#2
My voice doesn't tell me exactly but puts the idea of doing bad things and of bad things happening to me in my mind. I just ignore him completely, the thoughts are weak enough thanks to medication.
 
C

Cat

Active member
Joined
Jul 9, 2019
Messages
37
Location
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
#3
Try not to be ashamed of your voices! Your subconscious thoughts are not within your immediate control. I believe that is where the voices originate (the subconscious). Every human being has a dark, disturbing, and violent side. You are not different from others that way- you are the same. It is just that most people are not so acutely aware of it. Unfortunately, for some of us on the schizophrenia spectrum ("the schizophrenias"), we become aware of this side of ourselves, which can be a very painful and disturbing experience.

This is my understanding of voices/auditory hallucinations:
You are likely to perceive the voices in your head as coming from someone or something other than you, because the language processing center of the brain is overactive in schizophrenia. Basically, your brain starts processing your own subconscious thoughts in terms language. That is why the voices seem to be separate from your own conscious thoughts.

My own dark thoughts:
I have schizoaffective disorder, and when my first psychotic break was at its worst, my days were consumed with thoughts of very seriously harming other people as well as myself.... In the most bizarre, degrading, and spectacularly ugly and violent ways. Fortunately for me, I never ended up acting on any of these thoughts (though I put my partner at the time, several friends, and family members through hell in this period). However, I am unsure as to what could have happened if the psychosis was allowed to develop further. I ended up seriously harming myself instead, which landed me in the hospital. This kept me and others safe.

I am now free of thoughts of harming others, have no violent fantasies, and am not any kind of danger to anyone. All this currently with no medication. I still hear a voice in my head every day however, and it is usually negative in tone and content (towards myself only though, not other people). Given that the voice is my own subconscious thoughts, I reason that the voice is negative towards me because I- at the end of the day-subconsciously think negatively about MYSELF. I am going to start exploring this idea with my psychotherapist very soon. I am encouraged by the possibility that if I can change my underlying negative self-perception, I can change the content of the voice as well.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant.

My suggestion to you would be...

1) REJECT shame - its okay to feel guilt for bad BEHAVIOURS-but do NOT feel bad about YOURSELF as a person (for religious people its like "hate the sin, not the sinner" type of deal).
2) Take care of YOU first (put your own oxygen mask on first, as they say) - Make sure you take whatever treatment/intervention you need to get well enough to avoid harming others in the future
3) Come up with (HEALTHY!) ways to make amends for whatever harms you may have caused others (this does NOT mean punishing or neglecting yourself)

I truly hope you find some peace. Know that you are not alone with this disorder, the symptoms, or the resulting behavior. There are very many of us here. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the very best.

Cat
 

Similar threads