• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Im ashamed of my voices

L

Loopylou83

Member
Joined
Jul 11, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Uk wales
My voices tell me to do bad things to my friends. I ignore then but in the past when I see in hospital I acted on then and I'm scared this might happen again. Dose anyone else have these thoughts and how do u handle them.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
1,298
Location
Sheffiield
My voice doesn't tell me exactly but puts the idea of doing bad things and of bad things happening to me in my mind. I just ignore him completely, the thoughts are weak enough thanks to medication.
 
C

Cat

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2019
Messages
55
Location
All over the place
Try not to be ashamed of your voices! Your subconscious thoughts are not within your immediate control. I believe that is where the voices originate (the subconscious). Every human being has a dark, disturbing, and violent side. You are not different from others that way- you are the same. It is just that most people are not so acutely aware of it. Unfortunately, for some of us on the schizophrenia spectrum ("the schizophrenias"), we become aware of this side of ourselves, which can be a very painful and disturbing experience.

This is my understanding of voices/auditory hallucinations:
You are likely to perceive the voices in your head as coming from someone or something other than you, because the language processing center of the brain is overactive in schizophrenia. Basically, your brain starts processing your own subconscious thoughts in terms language. That is why the voices seem to be separate from your own conscious thoughts.

My own dark thoughts:
I have schizoaffective disorder, and when my first psychotic break was at its worst, my days were consumed with thoughts of very seriously harming other people as well as myself.... In the most bizarre, degrading, and spectacularly ugly and violent ways. Fortunately for me, I never ended up acting on any of these thoughts (though I put my partner at the time, several friends, and family members through hell in this period). However, I am unsure as to what could have happened if the psychosis was allowed to develop further. I ended up seriously harming myself instead, which landed me in the hospital. This kept me and others safe.

I am now free of thoughts of harming others, have no violent fantasies, and am not any kind of danger to anyone. All this currently with no medication. I still hear a voice in my head every day however, and it is usually negative in tone and content (towards myself only though, not other people). Given that the voice is my own subconscious thoughts, I reason that the voice is negative towards me because I- at the end of the day-subconsciously think negatively about MYSELF. I am going to start exploring this idea with my psychotherapist very soon. I am encouraged by the possibility that if I can change my underlying negative self-perception, I can change the content of the voice as well.

Anyway, sorry for the long rant.

My suggestion to you would be...

1) REJECT shame - its okay to feel guilt for bad BEHAVIOURS-but do NOT feel bad about YOURSELF as a person (for religious people its like "hate the sin, not the sinner" type of deal).
2) Take care of YOU first (put your own oxygen mask on first, as they say) - Make sure you take whatever treatment/intervention you need to get well enough to avoid harming others in the future
3) Come up with (HEALTHY!) ways to make amends for whatever harms you may have caused others (this does NOT mean punishing or neglecting yourself)

I truly hope you find some peace. Know that you are not alone with this disorder, the symptoms, or the resulting behavior. There are very many of us here. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the very best.

Cat
 
W

Wounded

Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2019
Messages
10
Location
belgrade
On what mefications are you? clozapine is very good for voices.
 
Top