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I'm an adult man and I want to live with my parents and have an intimate relationship with them instead of dating. Does anyone else here feel this way

X

XeganXerxes

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I'm an adult man and I want to live with my parents and have an intimate relationship with them instead of dating. Does anyone else here feel this way?

This is something I've always felt very strongly about, but I've been ridiculed for it. I just wanted to know if I'm the only person like this. I know there are people out their who live with their parents, but I want to know if there's anyone out there who feels that their parents are their 'soul mates' or anything like that.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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No. That is very interesting though. I never heard of that before. How do your parents feel about that?
 
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XeganXerxes

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I don't really know if I'd call it a romantic attachment, but I'd call it the deepest love. By "intimate relationship" I mean that they're what make my world and I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I feel like there's a special bond between the three of us, as if we're meant to be together in this world.
 
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fidget

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i don't have the same experience but i think you should enjoy your love and life with your parents if it is what makes you happy. I think the way to a good life is to shape our lives in a way that is meaningful for us, not just doing what we are "meant" too according to convention. Good luck to you
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I don't really know if I'd call it a romantic attachment, but I'd call it the deepest love.
That is quite beautiful. The relationship you have with your parents is a very special one, after all they brought you into this world and raised you. It's not exactly usual though, most people would say the deepest love in their life is either a partner or children, not a parent.

By "intimate relationship" I mean that they're what make my world and I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I feel like there's a special bond between the three of us, as if we're meant to be together in this world.
I think it's important to consider your independence and your own relationship to the world. My parents have also been very important in my life, but I wouldn't have wanted to miss the experience of living on my own and making my own way through the world - choosing my own apartment, my own job, my own town to live in. You could miss out on a lot by staying closely tied to your parents, and also end up devastated and without purpose after they die.
 
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spiritfriend

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At first I was confused at what you meant by intimate relationship, but I think I understand it now.

I see nothing wrong with being close to your parents.
I'm an adult and I have a great relationship with my mom. She has helped me with so much things in my life and I can trust her with anything. Some people might say I'm too attached. Perhaps it's true, since I depend on her a lot and I'm not an independent adult. I never had a job and I can't drive. I never lived on my own. It scares me to be honest, and I feel bad for not being independent enough. I think my mother wishes I could be on my own, too. Because it is important. But we're dealing with a lot right now (long stories...) so I'm just always by her side. I enjoy being with her and I'm so thankful to have my mother.

I'm sorry. I wish I could give you some advice instead of just sharing things about myself. Good luck with everything.
 
i_must_be_mad

i_must_be_mad

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I have known three situations actually local to my parents where the daughter and her husband live in annexes or separate building in the grounds. And the children all in their thirties actually,

There is a stigma and judgement often with older adult children living with their parents. I completely oppose this belief.

There are a multitude of reasons why people live with other generations.

One can be cost.

Two could be ill health ie parent looking out for son or daughter etc, or the child looking after ill parent. Works both ways.

Three could be family dynamic ie it suits all concerned. I you all get on great etc.

Four is that also which can be why some stay and some leave as early as they can is space. If lots siblings and or parents relationship not fantastic then overcrowding or pushing each others buttons possibilities obviously.

I kept on moving out and coming home for variety reasons. I relationship breakup after university, not coping also.

Then had very good spell from 33 to 41 when living with folks and working full time and somehow managed to get lovely flat from saving hard.

Didn't know myself if not earning much could still secure accomodation on certain benefits. Ie I wasn't keen on living with strangers.

Am still in flat now eight years later. My folks only live three miles from me and am in touch daily and see probably three days of week for couple hours or so.

I know there can be people who look down on people living at home but if it works for this moments in time then sod those people. It's none their business.

Some people can be jealous ie they may not have been so fortunate to have had the experience of their parents love and care and others maybe in difficult living conditions and they may wish to be back living with folks.

When I was living with parents was very close to both but I always had friendships both men and women but I ruled out any kind of full on relationship after my only one had then was with probably the worst woman on earth compatibility wise.

When you say intimate relationship, am guessing you mean sexual.

Well if you at home then guess that depends how liberal your parents are. I was never intimate in my parents house. My sisters were but I wasn't but think even at an older age still would never even considered that a possibility.

I did have quite a few women interested but in my head me being in a relationship whilst living with parents I never really considered at all.

I don't work now. With my condition working was always big difficulties but managed it because in my parents home, there was no opportunities to do food, washing, cleaning etc.

It took me a while to be on the level caring for myself but glad I finally managed to do it because despite not being in intimate relationship since moved out, know when the day comes, hopefully long time still away, but I will manage when they not around.

And also after tough times initially, if in particular you live alone there is much greater incentive to meet new people and some will become close friends.

I did have friends living at home though.

Sorry you don't say if you have any mates outside of your parents. I hope you do.

No I agree, it's fab if you get on swimmingly with your folks. I know with many I know that I am incredibly fortunate in that regard also. But although I do agree some have a stupid stigma for adult children living with folks - that's unfair of some to do so though - but yes eventually there us the need to stretch out.

I don't know how old you are at all, but if you under 30, then I would say, stop worrying about this so much and if others in your life have issues with that - that's up to them but there's nothing wrong in it at all.


But would say as time goes on, try out the easiest first living arrangement for yourself.

If it's affordable, and near to your folks you wouldn't even have to sleep there every night and sure mum or dad would still cook and always be happy you being there etc.

I still pop over once a week for a meal and see them few times a week. They are friends of mine. Mum's mum and dad and me similar interests but not only the coping aspects but the making new friends always important too so you don't get to when folks nearing time and they your only soul mates.

I have a friend who always lived with folks. He 52 now. Both his folks I'll and he in a bad way. He always chasing the girl but it's a big barrier now as he starting to panic a little.

As said am sure you and your folks got many years together hopefully. Great.

I was probably like you in a very nice comfort zone but am glad I finally successfully did it. It was hard initially and quite scary but glad I done it now.

I actually get on better with parents now as on more of an adult friendship with them both.

I am not in intimate relationship still. Wish I was as well but it's just not happening. I have given up looking and sometimes that's when someone turns up. In my first stint at parents as an adult met a young woman got into a three year relationship and even progressed to living with her but she was far from faithful sadly.

And the whole relationship caused me terrible I'll mental health.

Am more que sera sera since then. If get in one one day hopefully it will be good etc but living away from home now have a few nice friendships with women so making progress.

My advice would be keep living your life. Do all the things you enjoy with your folks.

See if you can expand your friendship circle's though. Tbh I should not have dismissed an intimate relationship second time round living with folks. Looking back I missed blatant opportunities which I sort of knew could have gone further but withe benefit of hindsight could have actually worked.


I understand the want to be intimate if that's not a position you been in, but as said many actu ally live with partner and parents.

Maybe you thinking your parents would not want you being intimate with partner in their home. If that's the case and this is a big thing for you, you got a decision to make.

No one person life 100% when going OK though so guess be happy where you at, keep faith for nice future but try make at least some friends outside of folks and who knows.

All am saying everyone situation different.

Anything can be possible. I think my self esteem was lower at home but I took some ignorant people's judgements on me living home at older age. Wish I was able at that time to say sod em but my anxieties were higher but was frightened being alone but I can cope now which has given me confidence I will be OK.

And still have great friendship with my parents and no intimate relationship.

Wish you well. Do what makes you happy.

Maybe you thinking you need to move a little out your comfort zone. From my perspective I would say you would not regret it but try not focus too much on this as an issue.

You are where you are - there definitely seem to be positives. Only you know the answer to your parents reaction to you living in an intimate relationship in the family home.

I guess if you ask them at least you will know the score.

Anyhow best wishes and hope things go well.
 
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i_must_be_mad

i_must_be_mad

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Blimey I wrote all that and didn't realise you weren't looking for an intimate relationship. Sorry. My brain. Lol.

No problems with you being close with parents. No problems with you living with them at this time. Not everyone wants to be coupled up. It's not essential to happiness.

Yes at some point you got think about future happiness when your folks not here. It sounds like they in good health so hopefully for you many years happiness and no urgency in changing much.

You not say If you have any friends though.

But seems like you worrying people will judge you and despite you being in a situation currently you personally happy with, you spoiling this happiness by worrying about what some people may or may not think about your set up as it is.

Sod em I say. Do what's right for you but try not take on others negative opinions over your own.

Be true to yourself.

Sorry feel like right plank after writing all that in previous post.

Good luck Xegan

I_must_be_mad:)
 
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XeganXerxes

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I don't think that they'll both be dead until I'm in my sixties at any rate. When they're both dead I'll be alone, but at old age a lot of people lose their spouses, so everyone is invariably alone at some point. I have friends, so it wouldn't be like I only wan to spend my time with their parents. I think they want to be buried, and when I die I'll be buried next to them.
 
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XeganXerxes

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And when an said not intimate, I meant not sexual obviously. I'm not that weird.
 
i_must_be_mad

i_must_be_mad

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Is it OK if can ask your age Xegan.

It just seems you asking a question about something many many years from now, so so many possibilities could happen.

I can't even predict tomorrow, let alone ten, twenty years from now
 
i_must_be_mad

i_must_be_mad

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I didn't imply sexual with your folks at all obviously. I misread your title. I thought you were wanting an intimate relationship whilst still being very close to parents. Replied mistakenly on that line.

I don't think you weird at all. Perfectly OK question to ask as far as me concerned.
 
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XeganXerxes

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I've already clarified that I don't want a partner because I want to be with my parents instead of with someone else. Second best isn't good enough. My parents are my creators.
 
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