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im always nervous around extended family

K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
543
i dont know why but im always nervous around cousins or aunts uncles......it frustrates me that im able to talk to neighbours of mine for 5 to 10 minutes but i just cnt do it at all with cousins etc im just nervous and cant string a sentence together

has anyone got advice on how to do it
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1,629
Location
England
Maybe you are better with small groups or one to one?

I find it is easier for me when i am meeting people outside somewhere calm, like a beach or forest or lake.

I sometimes meet for coffee and cake as that is comforting.

Briefer meet ups help. 1 hour is easier than 4.

Invite them to your place? Easier than going to theirs.

Taking a game or quiz cards or something to play with the kids with.
 
L

LokiPokey75

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2020
Messages
361
Location
United States
Well karl7, that's still better than me! I seem to be nervous around everybody, family and neighbors alike. I always feel like I'm going to say the wrong thing. I definitely am not close to anyone in my family other than my parents. We've lost touch with some family members, but really, I wasn't close to any of them in the first place. I can definitely understand your discomfort.

What I suggest is learning to identify what scares you the most about having conversations with your family. Have they been very critical of you? Are you afraid you'll mess up? Do you not like being around your family?

Once you've identified what's at the core of your fear, get comfortable with that fear. Start having mock conversations in your room. Things you would want to say to your family but feel like you don't have the guts. Get those emotions out there. See if it releases some of that pent-up frustration. You can even practice regular conversations too. Anticipate their responses and come up with your own ways to react calmly and honestly. This will better prepare you for the real thing.

Being okay with making a mistake and embracing that you're enough the way you are will be pivotal in these and all other conversations. If you still struggle, there's always books and articles you can read about improving your communication skills. It just takes a little self-analysis and a strong belief in yourself.

I wish you all the luck with your family, karl7! Stay safe!
 
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