I'm addicted to someone who is terrible for me

C

cand91

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Jan 7, 2019
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2
#1
I met someone online a bit over a year ago and he has been pretty terrible for me. At first he acted like he had feelings for me, pictures were exchanged, phone calls were made, promises of visits began, it seemed great. Until I learned that it was actually all a lie and he was just using me to get over his ex. Fast forward to today and he's still using me and I'm still letting him. He still says I'm his friend and he wants to visit and all this nonsense but I know he wants one thing from me which is sex. I know this yet I can't let him go. I think about him all the time. I feel the need to be talking to him all the time even though he's been responding less. I don't know how to get over him. I don't know how to cut him out of my life even though it should be so easy.
 
Hopefuloldie

Hopefuloldie

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Nov 30, 2018
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#2
If you still haven't met him a year later, I would guess that this is not primarily about him wanting sex. Maybe he just values having someone that he can touch base with? Either way, if this doesn't feel positive to you, summon up the courage to tell him you don't want any further contact and focus on nurturing relationships that feel more rewarding for you x
 
Flameheart (was BPDevil)

Flameheart (was BPDevil)

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#3
maybe he genuinely did have feelings for you, but they changed, that doesn't really make him a terrible person
 
H

Helena1

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#4
no one is going to be talking to someone for over a year just to get sex, there are much easier ways and surly those visits would not be nonsense unless it is cyber sex.
He could just like the attention you give him though.
How do you talk to him? Can you close that account?
If you are lonely and he gives you attention it can be very hard to cut that person off.
Do you have other friends? Spending more time with them could help and find some hobbies to distract yourself from him.
You could try putting limits on the time you spend communicating with him, like only certain day for a few hours or try to have a break till February.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Apr 24, 2017
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#5
Hey cand91,

If you know he's no good for you, that he used you to get over his ex and has no good intentions, then the only way he continues to do so is because you choose to let him. Do what is best and cut him off, otherwise you're simply letting misery into your life!x

Much love <3
 
H

harsh-reality

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May 31, 2016
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267
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England
#6
It sounds to me he just wants an online friendship to chat about whatever going on for him etc..

I myself would have given up on the meeting up side of this long ago as chatting to someone for over a year and there still no meet up means that's all he sees it as.

And you never know someone and who they are until you meet uo in person.

Some people write well - some people pretend to be someone they not - some people hide aspects of their lives from others - if online - so yes until you meet someone you never know the whole truth - and for whatever reason even if you did meet and got on ok if there was no real spark either way then again it would just fizzle out more than likely.

I would give up on this man unless you both just wanted to chat about your own lives to each other but this man won't meet you - to me that seems extremely likely to be how it will continue.
 
F

Fancyharm

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Sep 7, 2018
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261
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West Midlands
#7
I have a similar thing going on.

At first he didn't want to meet. Ok, his choice, no problem. Then after a while of keeping in touch he changed his mind. So I agreed to meet. Then I had second thoughts and called the meeting off. Since then he has been very distant so I have become distant, basically if no effort is going into the so called relationship, nothing is coming out.

I am getting stronger but I still slip back into the old ways sometimes of stroking his ego by messaging him and aski g for support or advice or just general chit chat.

I have occupied myself by talking to this forum and offering support to others. Also I think about what jobs or things need to be done around the house and the next time I feel like stroking his ego, I do one of the jobs I have lined up.

There is always something to be done, let's face it. I try and turn what could be a negative experience into a positive experience.
 

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