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I'm a bit confused

A

AmethystWinter

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I just started SH around 5 months ago, in the beginning I was doing it everyday but then I'd stop for a week or two then start doing it again. The reasons would vary, sometimes I'd do it to get my mind off stress because I'm an over-thinker or to make myself stop crying. My SH aren't very deep and so considering it's been 5 months, some scars fade away. I tried to make myself seem to like the idea of them disappearing but I really don't. During the periods where I wouldn't SH I'd look at them and feel bad that they aren't good enough - that just makes me want to do it even more. Other times nothing would happen, I'd just find myself alone and start doing it for no reason. At first I thought it was because I'm alone in my room but I realised that wasn't the case because when I used to share a room with my sister, I'd still do it.
Is there something I can do to try and make myself stop? No one knows about this and I think I'd like to keep it that way for now.
 
Bod

Bod

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Hello AmethystWinter, welcome to the forum I am sorry that you self harm and feel for you as I use to self harm many years ago ( Stopped 20 yrs ) so when the help came I jumped at it so in therapy we worked through my life and that was the reason WHY I had self harmed as a little boy up till I was 40 as in my mind It did nothing for me at all. It would help if you can talk to a doctor or GP as they might be able to also help you, if you do not mind may I ask How old you are ?
 
A

AmethystWinter

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I plan on asking for help in time, it only feels real that I SH now that I've joined this forum and have read other peoples threads and experiences. From reading other threads I see that the main way to get better is to tell someone but I'm pretty closed off so I find that very difficult. I recently turned 18.
 
Bod

Bod

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I plan on asking for help in time, it only feels real that I SH now that I've joined this forum and have read other peoples threads and experiences. From reading other threads I see that the main way to get better is to tell someone but I'm pretty closed off so I find that very difficult. I recently turned 18.
Thank you for saying your age.
For many of us SH is sadly a way of life until we do talk about it and that really is so damn hard to do as it is our emotions that go up in the air and we get frightened about talking so we put up a big wall that we think protects us, really it does not at all as we are still fighting in our minds mentally. You are so young but please try and feel proud of your self for reaching out here as that took a lot of courage to share.
 
Bod

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You are more than welcome, you don't have to say but do you know the reason Why you SH ?
 
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AmethystWinter

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I'm not entirely sure, but I'd say I started to distract myself from overthinking.That reason makes me feel stupid when I hear about other people's experiences but I don't know any other ways to cope.
 
Bod

Bod

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Our minds can really play havoc with us in any age sadly and even during the Lock downs have badly effected many peoples mental health, you are far from stupid as you did reach out here which is great. A thing I use to do was write down all my good thoughts down and then write down all my bad thoughts down and then look at each one for a while. We are all the same here and know ones mental health is worse bigger as we all suffer sadly.
 
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AmethystWinter

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Our minds can really play havoc with us in any age sadly and even during the Lock downs have badly effected many peoples mental health, you are far from stupid as you did reach out here which is great. A thing I use to do was write down all my good thoughts down and then write down all my bad thoughts down and then look at each one for a while. We are all the same here and know ones mental health is worse bigger as we all suffer sadly.
I normally write down my bad thoughts, I didn’t think about writing my good ones. I’ll give that a try and see if that helps.
 
Bod

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We only remember the bad thoughts, so that is why I said try to do both good and bad plus if you are a girl/lady write something nice about your looks and if your a male then how good you look in clothes.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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I started SH when I was 18. It felt like a relief and a distraction, as well as some sort of strange comfort or security blanket. Like as long as I was "injured" (even though no one knew about it), I "couldn't" be expected to be normal, do normal things, take on responsibilities...it felt like I had an excuse to check out for a while.

My SH also were not severe. I did it every few weeks to every several months until I was about 25 and then mostly stopped, and then I stopped completely before I was 30. I'm 43 now. I only have one small scar on my upper right thigh. That was actually from the last time I ever did it.

I've also always been an over-thinker and SH would kind of force my brain to shut up. I hid my injuries from everyone except my Favourite Person. I've always been very adept at putting on the happy, friendly, "everything's fine" mask.

I eventually stopped because I started to realise I actually felt worse after doing it. On top of how bad I already felt, I then also felt lost...because I had hurt myself. I sometimes imagined how I would feel if say, my beloved mum, hurt herself like that, and I'd be devastated and distressed. I started to value my body more.
 

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