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Im 98% sure my boyfriend has BPD. I cant deal with this turmoil much longer.

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Shannalee88

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Maine
Hi everyone.
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and it has been a roller coaster of turmoil, highs & lows, and lots of walking on eggshells.
I'm here because I think he has BPD. I have for a long time now. I have done research for months and he exhibits fear of abandonment (he hates me, but begs me to stay in episodes). Some days I am his everything and the next minute I am the worst girlfriend in the world. He is irrational in his thinking. He is always digging in my past and convinced himself that I am always talking to other men, or cheating. I feel like he is constantly looking for me to make him happy, but I literally can never convince him that I love him.
He is the most amazing boyfriend when we are good and when we re bad, it awful. It has gotten aggressive and violent. Verbal abuse and some pushing and shoving. Name calling...etc.

I have a hard time when he has episodes because he verbally attacks me with such passion and I get defensive, attacking back. I know I shouldnt do that, but he accuses me of the stuff that is just so irrational.

He becomes super paranoid sometimes, over stuff that doesnt make sense to me. I think this happens when hes stressed.

Hes been having an episode since yesterday afternoon. We were having a great morning, and then bam he was angry at me. I dont give him enough attention. He punished me by not talking to me all day and then blew up at me for not trying to talk to him. I didnt try because I never get anywhere. We just talk in circles. It got very heated and we both said some hurtful things. I told him he needs to go get help. He has before but stopped going. I think he went once. I had found him a DBT therapist but his work schedule interfered with appointments.

I can't keep doing this. Hes still angry with me. I've been crying all night and all afternoon today. He came home and was angry I didnt come downstairs to see him. I have been in bed all day. I just have no motivation to do anything. My life is at a stand still. I just had a miscarriage last month. I may be pregnant again. He went without an episode for two months, and we had really made some progress with communicating and walking away when things get heated. But now this... I feel like I've been living in the dark. I dont see my friends because he gets jealous. I dont do anything anymore that makes me happy just to keep him from being angry. He goes through my phone constantly. If a guy sends me a request on Facebook, I delete it. Because he will get mad.

I love him. I know this is just his mental illness. Hes a beautiful soul. My heart breaks for him. I just need him to get help. He tries so hard to be better all the time. I see him trying everyday to fight his emotions, but they take over. I just want him to be better. I need skills to help deal with this. I need support and answers. I know he wants to be better too.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 7, 2018
Messages
1,377
Location
Lost
he really needs to get to those DBT sessions by the sounds of it, can he not take time off work? or do/can you work whilst he's getting help?

I know we aren't supposed to diagnose on here, but he sounds textbook definition of someone with BPD

it sounds as if its having a major affect on you as well, maybe talking to a therapist about your relationship will also help you and how to cope
 
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Shannalee88

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Maine
Hi BPDevil!
I asked him today if i could schedule him an apt and I think it was the wrong time to ask since he is super emotional and angry right now. He told me I always say he has mental health issues when he tries to tell me how he feels. I told him his feelings matter to me but it's how he turns small things into huge ordeals that I cant handle. It makes me miserable when days are ruined due to a fight.

When he comes home tonight, I'm going to try to have a calm discussion with him. I know our next move is therapy. For him and for myself. Maybe together. We need to do something or this problem will only get worse. We will make the time.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,083
Location
USA
It does sound like BPD but it also sounds like drug usage to me,is that a possibility?
 
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Shannalee88

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Maine
No possibility of that. I'm with him day in and day out. And when we re not together, he is at work. He works for his father's logging company which requires alot of hours. He doesnt have a history of drug usage, either, so I would be shocked.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,246
He won’t get better or even try to as long as you stay and be his punching bag. I’m not saying this to be mean, but his isolating you from your friends is characteristic of domestic abuse.

You will be his excuse for every little thing that goes wrong. You are also his excuse for not going to get help. He doesn’t feel he needs to, he has you.

The best thing you can do is take some time away. Let him come to the decision of getting help or not on his own.

It’s also the best thing for you, too. Do you want to spend a lifetime living this way?

Be strong.
 
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