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Im 56 year old and my life has been ruined because of this

A

AnxiousFrogMaster

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Dec 19, 2020
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I have not dated anyone, not married, just because of my anxiety. I dont have kids. My job is underpaid because I am too afraid to get a real job. Im too afraid of being judged by others. I have been suffering with this for over 40 years. I dont have friends. I dont drive because I fear other driver are judging me and I am gonna make a mistake. I dont go to grocery shop so I order my stuff online and pay more because of fear of being judged.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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maybe your just an introvert. so you have to suffer from the disadvantages of not having the extrovert skills. but you have the introvert skills you may take for granted. but if you were an introvert you might not mind all that alone time. since your complaining about it maybe you are an extrovert with social anxiety. which is extra hard for extroverts because then you cant go extroverting. which blocks your genetic personality from coming to fruition

the mind often projects its own negative self judgment through others and then avoids people in order to avoid that judgment. what a tricky trick.
 
G

Grace in defeat

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Welcome to the forum. I haven't really been in a relationship either. I've never worked. I can't drive. I doubt I'll have kids. I do my shopping online. A lot of this is for health reasons, but I can't say I'm disappointed that I get to avoid these challenging situations. I'm seen as an introvert and that's probably true, but being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean you don't want to be around people at all. It just means we need less interaction than other people - and not all introverts are the same (and not all extroverts are the same) so we don't all need exactly the same amount of interaction. But because negotiating life as an introvert can be difficult, we often end up with less interaction than we need.

But I think the main problem here is, as you say, anxiety. We live in a world where we are ridiculed and ostracised for being different. Some of us will have experienced that already. School can be a minefield. So can family life. We naturally don't want that to be ridiculed or ostracised and when we feel within ourselves that we are different, that can make a lot of things scary. Every interaction is a possibility for us to be exposed, ridiculed and ostracised. So of course we want to avoid situations that make us feel like that.

(When I say 'we', it's a very general sort of 'we', I'm not speaking for you. It just feels right to say 'we' than to say 'I' all the time when it's not about me.)

But it can get very lonely and sometimes we do something different and that's natural.

Exactly how you deal with the problem depends on what you want - I don't want to make assumptions. Would you like to be doing some of the things you currently aren't able to do? Would you like a trip to the grocery store to be an option if you need something urgently, even if it isn't your first choice? Would you like ways of dealing with the emotions you're currently experiencing? Or do you just want to chat to people who have similar feelings?

Sorry for all the questions and obviously, there's no pressure to answer any of them, but I don't want to give you ideas about a trip to the grocery store, for example, if that doesn't interest you or isn't your main priority.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Welcome to the forum AnxiousFrogMaster.. interesting name. I'm 51. Never been married or anywhere close to that. Feel like social anxiety has been a major player in my life too. I don't know if it's any comfort to know that this is quite a common issue. Seems like a lot of people need help and not enough are getting it.
 
T

toutatis

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Hello.👋👋

Everything you mentioned here are basically classic symptoms of Social Phobia and it's considered a disorder due to how much it impacts the person's life.

I know this might sound redundant but try not to see it as your own failing but as a psychiatric condition, a difficult mindset if you will, that you just happen to have been lumbered with. Because it is. 🙏
 
P

Purpleplum

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No matter what age you are you can start making the changes you want to have the life you want. What can you start doing now to make a change? If you need help in this, I'd recommend you see a counselor skilled in this area to help you.
 
Argon

Argon

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That's more than just being an introvert. 56 is a pretty late stage to turn things around too. You could trying getting it on with sex workers. That helped me after my father died and I realized I would never be 'normal', get married and have a family.
 
ht46

ht46

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That's more than just being an introvert. 56 is a pretty late stage to turn things around too. You could trying getting it on with sex workers. That helped me after my father died and I realized I would never be 'normal', get married and have a family.
Yeah society frowns too much on this and is quite ignorant to it, I think the stereotypes of prostitution need to be addressed as it can be a positive for certain people in their lives at certain times and shouldn't be condemned as long as it's safe.
 
ht46

ht46

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Trust me socialising isn't all that the crowd isn't something to be envious of it's full of people projecting their insecurities on each other. Companionship is good and I believe you can find it I have paranoid schizophrenia so I don't really socialise or leave the house much but I met someone who has mental health issues and enjoys the hermit life, there are people out there they're just harder to find, we met on a dating site. But there's nothing wrong with being alone as long as it doesn't make you unhappy if your content then who cares.
 

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