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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

If Your Struggling, If You Cant Cope, If You Cant Hold On, This Is For You.

Wheelie Bin Barry

Wheelie Bin Barry

Taking a break
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
506
Location
North of The Wall
:hi:

I wrote a message of support for another member struggling to cope recently, it remains specific to that individual, it was especially written for them, but I've noticed a few people struggling on the forum, and I dont know that I could write a better message for each individual, but I wonder if what I wrote already would do someone else some good to have read somehow, I cant be sure, but just in case, I will share this message with you, and then post it as a thread in the depression forum for everyone else, I sincerely hope somthing in the message may be able to comfort some of you, make you feel a little better, or perhaps give you some hope to hold on to, have a read and see, stay strong, or just hold on. ✊

"I Just Cant Cope"

Sorry you feel that way, not sure exactly what your going through, so not sure what advice I could offer, but I have some experience with the feeling, and hope what I learned from it may give you some hope.

If you read my post, you may remember my episode of cage madness, it was the most difficult period of my life, it felt like it would never end, I was convinced I was going to suffer like that without end until the day I died.

I could see no way of escape, it would never get better ever again, and yet, eventually, things improved, I'm still struggling now, I'm still in pain, lost, confused, dont know what to do, where or who to turn to, and dont have much if any hope left at all, my life is a miserable disaster, with little hope for the future, if any at all, and yet, even as low as i am now, it is a million times better than before.

I can still enjoy food, i can share affection with my cat, i can find comfort in the warmth of my bed, even if I'm tired and not sleeping, and now, as part of this forum, I have found a new family i can relate to, who care enough to offer support, advice, kindness and understanding, or just laugh with me and make jokes, even though I'm by myself, I'm not alone anymore, i have found myself smiling and laughing as i hadn't in a long time.

By comparison, there have been long stretches of time in my past, where I had none of these things, or could find no enjoyment from them, so though I'm still very down even now, i have developed an appreciation for the little things, and that keeps me going, but most importantly, I have learned somthing interesting, the darker the path you are on, the better, the more crushing the effects of rock bottom, the same, this may not appear to make any sense at first glance, but what I'm saying is completely true, because your lowest points, and I mean the real lows, the ones that make you feel like the only option you have left is suicide, or forces you towards carrying it out to escape the never ending nightmare of your existence, those kinds of lows, they do not last forever, they can continue for what feels like forever in some cases, but they always come to an end eventually, sooner or later.

When that happens, even if your life is full of pain, it feels very much like paradise compared to the relentless hell that you have been through previously, we go up, we go down, but we always come back to centre in the end, the even place, which is different for everybody I suppose, some being happy there, some being completely miserable, but the point is this, it's the point somwhere in between your highest and lowest experiences, it's not great, but it's not a nightmare either, at least compared to the rest of your life, it is bearable, and though still lacking in many positive aspects, theres just enough comfort to keep you alive, providing enough strength to carry on until the day that it finally gets better, and it does get better, I havent experienced it yet, but have personally witnessed it in others.

This is the truth, because I experienced it myself, and therefore so have others like me, I dont know if you are at your centre point now, near it, or experiencing your lowest point to date, but personally, and i mean this with all the compassion I can muster, I hope that you are at the lowest point you have ever experienced in your life, but that you can find the strength from somewhere deep within to keep going, or do so even if you dont have the strength, so that when you do come out the other side, somewhere in the middle again, even if it's still painful, you may find a comfort level that you can work with, somthing you can manage, as it's far better than it was before, theres a saying I love which goes somthing like this, "if ever you find yourself going through hell, just keep going".

Good luck, stay strong, and though I may have freaked you out last time I said something like this, I'll risk saying it again for your good, I care about you, and about your wellbeing, as an understanding friend, as I do all the people I have encountered on this forum, I would not withhold anything within my power to make things easier for you, or to comfort you, I do not know how much help this will be, I'm aware that sometimes the darkness can be so thick, it's just impossible to see any light anymore, but even so, I want you to know, I sincerely mean it when I tell you that I'm here for you, to the best of my ability, within my available time to respond, I am always willing to listen to you, will never judge you no matter what you have to say, or tell anyone else what you confided in me should you ever do so, regardless of whether it was spoken in confidence or not, this may be hard for you to believe, or to trust, theres not much I can do about that I'm afraid, but to close I will say this, I know what it's like to be alone, to be desperate for love, for someone to care about me, to listen to me with understanding instead of judgement, just to be with me through it all, even if they couldnt offer any real advice, someone I can lean on in hard times, I have never found such a person in my 28 years of life who has ever stuck by me, and that's fine, you gotta do what you gotta do, and sometimes you have to do it alone, however, if given the chance, I wouldnt hesitate to be that person for someone else even for a second, regardless of who they are, where they come from, or the mistakes they have made in their past, i say this with complete conviction, I mean every single word, so just know, if you ever need someone, no matter the reason, even though theres considerable distance between us, as your friend, im here for you, and for as long as we are able to stay in touch, I will always be here for you, lots of love, from your forum family little brother, Barry. :hug:
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,464
Location
Canada
with understanding instead of judgement
This is a nice phrase. The two cannot co-exist in my experience. One erases the other. Feel like I come from a judgemental family where understanding was not often there. Think I'm often judgemental too, and when I'm like that it means there's more to the picture that I don't understand. And our harshest critics tend to be ourselves, perhaps in the inner voice that family created. Realize they didn't have lots of understanding either, just their own confusion and frustration that made them judgemental.
 
anex

anex

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2020
Messages
309
Location
USA
That’s so lovely, Barry. Thank you for being here☺ What a meaningful message. You have a kind and generous soul.
 
Wheelie Bin Barry

Wheelie Bin Barry

Taking a break
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
506
Location
North of The Wall
This is a nice phrase. The two cannot co-exist in my experience. One erases the other. Feel like I come from a judgemental family where understanding was not often there. Think I'm often judgemental too, and when I'm like that it means there's more to the picture that I don't understand. And our harshest critics tend to be ourselves, perhaps in the inner voice that family created. Realize they didn't have lots of understanding either, just their own confusion and frustration that made them judgemental.
It can be hard being human, it takes a lot of life experience before what we have learned finally sinks in, we spend most of our life thinking we already know all there is to know, but theres always somthing new in every day that will surprise us, and hopefully, help us to be better today, than we were yesterday, ultimately that's the best we can hope for.

Your spot on about self criticism, it's far easier to give advice than to recieve it, especially our own lol, when I first came to this forum, after many years alone, I greatly feared what people might think of me, I still feel foolish and ashamed sometimes, but it seems that I have revealed many of the weakest aspects of my character, along with much of what I feared being judged for the most, all I have recieved is compassion and support, somthing I did not expect at all.

In light this of this, it occurred to me that I have already recieved the greatest piece of advice I could ask for, again and again throughout the my life, just be yourself, I never listened, always trying to be someone else, to be somthing else, but sooner or later people see the real you, and if it's not what they were expecting, it can end in tears.

I am finally beginning to see the value in it, I'm foolish, I'm intense, I make mistakes, but thats just who I am, most people may have a hard time putting up with me, but the few who are capable of accepting me for who I am, are not only the best friends I could hope to ask for, allowing me to be myself and happy about it, but they are also the people I actually want to have in my life as well.

Life is too short to waste trying to please people who do not care about you for you, the longer this goes on for, the more likely you are to lose yourself in the process, not knowing who you really are, and hating the person you have been, it's better to be alone than in negative company, with people who are not ready to accept someone at your stage in the maturing process, even though its lonely at times, I'm beginning to see the value of being a fool, it repels all the people I dont want or need in my life away from me, leaving room for the few who get me and share my interests to become a part of it, my opinions may change again in future, but I hope this latest lesson stays with me, so that I can finally find some inner peace and self acceptance, content just to be myself, by myself if nessesary, and much more happy about it. :prop:
 
Wheelie Bin Barry

Wheelie Bin Barry

Taking a break
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
506
Location
North of The Wall
This is a nice phrase. The two cannot co-exist in my experience. One erases the other. Feel like I come from a judgemental family where understanding was not often there. Think I'm often judgemental too, and when I'm like that it means there's more to the picture that I don't understand. And our harshest critics tend to be ourselves, perhaps in the inner voice that family created. Realize they didn't have lots of understanding either, just their own confusion and frustration that made them judgemental.
Also, thanks for your insight into the confusion and frustration of those who judge us, its comforting to know it wasnt always all my fault, they had their own issues they were struggling with, and knowing that makes it easier not to hold it against them so much, it may even help to prevent me getting as upset in future, so thank you for sharing, its appreciated.
 
J

jordan84

Member
Joined
Jan 13, 2021
Messages
21
Hi Barry 😊 Thank you for your kind and supportive words, you are very good at writing and expressing yourself and thank you for being such a kind person. I'm sorry for the struggles you have faced in life and it's always admirable when somebody who has face great difficulties to still be a nice and gentle person to others 😊 I like to think I'm like that or at least try to be 😊Thank you for writing such a good post 😊
 
Wheelie Bin Barry

Wheelie Bin Barry

Taking a break
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
506
Location
North of The Wall
Hi Barry 😊 Thank you for your kind and supportive words, you are very good at writing and expressing yourself and thank you for being such a kind person. I'm sorry for the struggles you have faced in life and it's always admirable when somebody who has face great difficulties to still be a nice and gentle person to others 😊 I like to think I'm like that or at least try to be 😊Thank you for writing such a good post 😊
Thank you, I appreciate that.
 
M

Moodypebble

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
4
Location
UK
Thank you Barry for writing this post. I read it yesterday and cried.
 
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