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If I wasn't depressed, would I recognise myself?

S

StillDepressed

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 28, 2021
Messages
518
Location
UK
I've been battling depression for 30 years, since I was 7.
My life is nothing but the battle
Wake up and try not to think
Get that fake smile ready
So no-one ever knows how I feel
And then go and exist
Just a cog that could easily be replaced
Thinking and hoping of death
Just wouldn't put my family through it (for now anyway)
Friends? Never had any
Nothing to enjoy
Food is fuel, not something I enjoy
I follow sport, but not really that interested anymore - just passes time
Every moment of life is waiting for it to be over
And battling not to take notice of my thoughts

So what if it all went away
Who the eff am I without it?
I don't know who I am
I've just worn the mask too long
Never known any different
The only thing I know is depression
Without it I truly am nothing
But I don't expect it
To leave me alone any time soon
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Dec 9, 2020
Messages
1,778
Location
Canada
So what if it all went away
Who the eff am I without it?
I don't know who I am
humans are byproducts of their environments. put someone in a different environment and they change into someone else. time passes and they forget who they used to be. then they judge others who are who they used to be without realizing it lol

like in the movie shot caller 2017. he goes to jail and becomes a different person. then his wife on the outside judges him lol

personally i like some depression. it calms me down. otherwise i have too much energy which is a burden.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,341
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I'm so sorry for the unbearable emotional pain that you are in. I'm sure people with clinical depression/severe depression/major depression/major depressive disorder/MDD (call it what you will) on this forum can relate to almost everything you are saying. I always find it ironic when I pass someone while walking and they say to me, "how ya doin?" and I say, "fine (or good)." I really want to say, "eff off!"
 
S

StillDepressed

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 28, 2021
Messages
518
Location
UK
humans are byproducts of their environments. put someone in a different environment and they change into someone else. time passes and they forget who they used to be. then they judge others who are who they used to be without realizing it lol
Interesting point, never really thought of it and it's true of smokers - How many ex-smokers are the ones that really hate it now and call it a filthy habit.

But I've had more than 1 environment, but the depression remains constant
 
S

StillDepressed

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 28, 2021
Messages
518
Location
UK
I'm so sorry for the unbearable emotional pain that you are in. I'm sure people with clinical depression/severe depression/major depression/major depressive disorder/MDD (call it what you will) on this forum can relate to almost everything you are saying. I always find it ironic when I pass someone while walking and they say to me, "how ya doin?" and I say, "fine (or good)." I really want to say, "eff off!"
Unfortunately I'm sorry others have to feel this.
When they ask me How I am? Sometimes I actually stop and ask 'Do you really want to know?' They never do, which is lucky because I had no intention of talking to them, so why ask just so we can have that moment of awkward interchange.
 
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