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idk how to stop feeling like everyone hates me

siamesetwins

siamesetwins

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2021
Messages
89
Location
England
I wish I could stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of me but most of the time that's all I think about. Even interactions with strangers stress me out and I can ruminate for hours over what I said or did.

I just don't know how to get over these thoughts... like even if people did hate me what is there that I could do about it? I can't please everyone. I feel like all of this has turned me into such a pushover. I'm always apologising or asking if I have done something wrong, letting other people treat me badly despite knowing better. It's like I try too hard to be nice and even then I keep myself up at night worrying about insignificant BS.

This was never something that bothered me as much as it does now. I didn't care as much about what people thought when I was younger but I feel like all this time alone in the pandemic has altered the way I see things. Or maybe being treated like shit during education/work didn't help. I just don't know.

My outward appearance gives the impression that I don't care, I'm very alternative in my style and always have been but I feel confident that way. I feel like my sense of style and music taste is all I have left of me to enjoy. Like they're the only things I'm not totally ashamed of.

But these thought patterns have completely killed my drive to do anything. I used to draw all the time and show people without a care in the world, I used to write and let others read it. I would talk and talk about the movies I like, books, games, TV shows. I had so many interests and now I refuse to have any or talk about any. I miss not being afraid to be myself, but at the same time being myself was exactly what caused others to hurt me.

The opinions of others hold me back so much that now I just hate telling anyone anything about myself. It's like I'm nothing. I have nothing to show for who I am. I've basically lost my identity and everything that used to interest me out of fear of being judged. I'm glad I'm starting to realise where it's all stemming from but I'm still stuck in this vicious cycle.

I have no idea how to create something for myself again without worrying other people will judge. Or that everything I do is pointless. I don't even know what career path to take. I refuse to date because of these thoughts too, I haven't been in a relationship in years because people will judge who I date. Or worse, the people that I try to date will end up hating me.

It feels like I just can't win. My brain will do anything to stop me from living my life, no matter how much reassurance or love that I get it's not enough.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Staff member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
13,536
Location
England
Take regular breaks from people to rest and process things is helpful. Don't burn bridges, just step back and look at the bigger picture.

There are people who have negative opinions of me, rightly or wrongly, so i don't bother with them now. I stepped back, sent christmas and birthday cards, and if i didn't get any love back, i stopped.

Over time, you end up with people you know love you and you also see that they are not perfect either. Nobody is perfect you know. Most people are pretending to be perfect, me included. I have royally messed up far too many times, you would be astonished :)
 
Until

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
290
Location
uk
I wish I could stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of me but most of the time that's all I think about. Even interactions with strangers stress me out and I can ruminate for hours over what I said or did.

I just don't know how to get over these thoughts... like even if people did hate me what is there that I could do about it? I can't please everyone. I feel like all of this has turned me into such a pushover. I'm always apologising or asking if I have done something wrong, letting other people treat me badly despite knowing better. It's like I try too hard to be nice and even then I keep myself up at night worrying about insignificant BS.

This was never something that bothered me as much as it does now. I didn't care as much about what people thought when I was younger but I feel like all this time alone in the pandemic has altered the way I see things. Or maybe being treated like shit during education/work didn't help. I just don't know.

My outward appearance gives the impression that I don't care, I'm very alternative in my style and always have been but I feel confident that way. I feel like my sense of style and music taste is all I have left of me to enjoy. Like they're the only things I'm not totally ashamed of.

But these thought patterns have completely killed my drive to do anything. I used to draw all the time and show people without a care in the world, I used to write and let others read it. I would talk and talk about the movies I like, books, games, TV shows. I had so many interests and now I refuse to have any or talk about any. I miss not being afraid to be myself, but at the same time being myself was exactly what caused others to hurt me.

The opinions of others hold me back so much that now I just hate telling anyone anything about myself. It's like I'm nothing. I have nothing to show for who I am. I've basically lost my identity and everything that used to interest me out of fear of being judged. I'm glad I'm starting to realise where it's all stemming from but I'm still stuck in this vicious cycle.

I have no idea how to create something for myself again without worrying other people will judge. Or that everything I do is pointless. I don't even know what career path to take. I refuse to date because of these thoughts too, I haven't been in a relationship in years because people will judge who I date. Or worse, the people that I try to date will end up hating me.

It feels like I just can't win. My brain will do anything to stop me from living my life, no matter how much reassurance or love that I get it's not enough.
 
Until

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
290
Location
uk
@siamesetwins I can understand what you are saying, when I was younger I didn't care that much of what people thought of me but as I have gotten older, I ruminate on interactions also. I am very sensitive to what others think of me. I have ended relationships and cut people out of my life on things that I am sure people without BPD would not have done mainly because I have been hurt by something they said or did that upset me and made me feel they don't really like me.

I too think that other peoples opinions of me hold me back and bring me down. I have nearly quit my job times because I think someone hates me or says something that make me feel really bad about myself. I think I must have a low opinion of myself because I think people will like me to start with then start to hate me eventually.

It can make you shut off from everyone to stop from being hurt and just give up but like you say no-one can please everyone all of the time, it is impossible and such an unrealistic expectation to put on ourselves. You may have fallen into depression as you have little interest in anything but here is something you can do think of things that are good about you, I know I have good things about me such as I am giving, caring, intelligent, funny. So I know you have good things about you and things you like to do, such as a hobby, do things that make you feel good about yourself. I like to spend time on my own away from people to re-charge and not have to deal with others and their opinions, not all the time but as often as I can, I need it. Do what you need to do and what makes you feel good about yourself.
 
Until

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
290
Location
uk
Another thing I wanted to say is that I want reassurance from people also, but I don't always get it and then I am disappointed, but I realise I can't depend on and expect other people to give me what I want. They probably don't know what I want sometimes anyway. That's why I think I am an independent person because I know other people will disappoint me. I do crave some kind words and reassurance and someone to tell me I did a good job with something, I think most people do, but maybe us BPDs need it more than others.
 
F

flower24

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
119
Location
South Yorkshire
I really understand where you are coming from here, i feel the same even with work. Does everyone think i am pulling my weight or slacking so i probably end up doing more. Family i worry if i hear a different tone in there voice with me. The only advise i can give is think we are all human and if you have upset someone and you are unaware it is for them to say other wise how would you know. We crave kind words and ressurance but sometimes we need our own kind words and reassurance. I know what i have said has probably not helped a whole lot but please be kind to your self.
 
vxmpire

vxmpire

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2022
Messages
44
Location
yeah i feel you. it always feels like everyone hates me like todays trigger was i posted a selfie and it didnt get many likes or comments so im guessing ppl think im ugly and probs hate me
 
Tanzz

Tanzz

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 24, 2021
Messages
362
Location
Greasbrough
Well they don't everyone doesn't know you

You may have the odd rude folks around you

The odd comments the odd rudeness

The odd argument

Reconcile what's gone off with these odd few

We all have times like these

Sometimes if it keeps happening

It's just a signal we don't like that person

And it's time for a new mate

Me an my best mate argue something chronic

10 years down the line we don't talk

If I saw her in the street I'd still chat and hug her like nothing happen

We are rude as he'll to each other

Maybe you need some space from these people

Good luck
 
M

Mister Vertigo

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
178
Location
UK
yeah i feel you. it always feels like everyone hates me like todays trigger was i posted a selfie and it didnt get many likes or comments so im guessing ppl think im ugly and probs hate me
Never look to social media for 'likes', that is a very slippery slope. You don't need a bunch of strangers for validation.
 
Tanzz

Tanzz

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 24, 2021
Messages
362
Location
Greasbrough
Never look to social media for 'likes', that is a very slippery slope. You don't need a bunch of strangers for validation.
Yeah your right likes don't mean they like you could mean I was feeling kind today let's send people a like who post
 
vxmpire

vxmpire

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2022
Messages
44
Location
Never look to social media for 'likes', that is a very slippery slope. You don't need a bunch of strangers for validation.
ok, thank you. i suppose its just hard for me, easier said than done because i kind of thrive off of validation from strangers, i think its because i dont have any genuine friends irl
 
M

Mister Vertigo

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
178
Location
UK
ok, thank you. i suppose its just hard for me, easier said than done because i kind of thrive off of validation from strangers, i think its because i dont have any genuine friends irl
Most people don't have many genuine friends, if any. Even the friends they think are genuine can turn out to be nothing of the sort. That myth about having loads of friends is crap. Seriously, it is better to have no friends than a hundred pretend friends.
 
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