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idk feeling quite crap

N

natasha244

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Just thought I would have a moan haha, feel free to ignore. :rolleyes:

Just feeling really low and crappy. I was kind of doing 'okay' , but I've been feeling so low and horrible, especially today and last night... Today in sixth form I had to go to first aid because I messed up last night, so that wasn't great either and it's very painful atm :(
This morning, I got a letter off one of my university choices saying I've been invited for an interview for the mental health nursing course, and I should be happy and made up with myself but I'm dreading it, I'm so nervous and anxious about the whole situation, especially the group interviews part. Social anxiety and Aspergers don't mix well with a competitive group interview and I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb :(

I don't really know what's wrong. I didn't go to my lessons today in sixth form I just stayed in the mentor part and then went home. I can't talk to anyone, not my friends, family, not teachers... I feel like nobody can help me. I don't know why I randomly got this horrible black cloud over me, but it's draining.
Obviously mirtazapine isn't helping make things a little easier and I'm not seeing my CPN until 2 weeks so yeah things are not good at all tbh :(
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Hey Natasha, i'm sorry you're feeling a bit rubbish and that you also had to go to first Aid earlier today. :hug1:

Depression can be so cruel and take away our enjoyment and motivation.
Don't be too hard on yourself about not wanting to shout from the rooftops about the Uni place. You're having a bad time of it at the moment, but in time you will get your passion back again. Oh and i'd say it's completely natural to feel anxious about it all.

Sorry I don't know what to say in terms of advice, but i'm sending hugs and hope things brighten up soon. :hug:
 
N

natasha244

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Thankyou haha, this makes me feel a little better... I'm just sick of feeling like this and being in mental health services and everything, I've been like this literally since I was 13, and 6 years later I'm still in the same, if not worse, position. I'm so jealous of all my friends and other people my age that love life and yeah :(
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I can empathise.
My first appointment with a psychiatrist was aged 12, and i've been in the system since feeling like crap - i'm 25 now.
I totally understand that feeling of envy when you look at your peers and they seem to be so "normal". :rolleyes:
I will say though that you are on a different path and for you to avoid comparing yourself with others. Whilst I used to feel upset and resentful that I could just have a regular time in my teens, I do appreciate the wisdom I learned along the way.
So yeah, you might be a bit different but that does make you any less valuable. x
 
N

natasha244

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ahh, it's nice to have someone who understands and who's been in the system so long - I'm sure you realise how frustrating it can be
 
N

natasha244

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Okay so half of my message didn't send... There was more after "frustrating it can be" stupid phone app o shall type it when I get home x
 
N

natasha244

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I can empathise.
My first appointment with a psychiatrist was aged 12, and i've been in the system since feeling like crap - i'm 25 now.
I totally understand that feeling of envy when you look at your peers and they seem to be so "normal". :rolleyes:
I will say though that you are on a different path and for you to avoid comparing yourself with others. Whilst I used to feel upset and resentful that I could just have a regular time in my teens, I do appreciate the wisdom I learned along the way.
So yeah, you might be a bit different but that does make you any less valuable. x

ahh, it's nice to have someone who understands and who's been in the system so long - I'm sure you realise how annoying & frustrating it can be, especially when nothing seems to be changing :(!

I always try not to think about certain things and compare myself to everyone, but no matter what I always find myself thinking things like, "I wonder what everything would be like if I wasn't like this" I just get really annoyed at myself when I see all of my friends enjoying life and making new friends at Uni and I'm still stuck at sixth form re-doing the year and even struggling to do that! :low:

I don't know really.. I don't know what I'm going to do until the 18th which is when I'm next meant to be seeing my CPN. I honestly don't even know if I can hold on that long at the moment with everything going on and stuff :confused: x
 
A

amber1

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Hi Natasha, there's not much I feel I can add except I know the black cloud all too well, the feelings of envy towards your peers and so on, though I am 52. Don't be too demanding of yourself right now, as Scorpio said you are on a different path, and quite right, you have developed wisdom through your experiences that can be put to good use in your future career. I hope today holds something good for you however small. Sorry if the advice is cliched, just wanted to let you know I care.
 
N

natasha244

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Neverland
Hi Natasha, there's not much I feel I can add except I know the black cloud all too well, the feelings of envy towards your peers and so on, though I am 52. Don't be too demanding of yourself right now, as Scorpio said you are on a different path, and quite right, you have developed wisdom through your experiences that can be put to good use in your future career. I hope today holds something good for you however small. Sorry if the advice is cliched, just wanted to let you know I care.
Thankyou so much for your post, it means a lot that you and everyone else here actually really does care... Today I didn't go to sixth form, I feel guilty for not going but yeah. I've not really done anything today tbh - Still feeling really really low. :low: I feel like I will probably end up ringing the assessment people tonight/ early hours in the morning, they're like the crisis people, and I might ring my CPN tomorrow but I don't really know what I am going to say, there's just no way I can wait until the 18th.. :confused: x
 
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