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Identity Disturbance

G

Greybird

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
2
Location
USA
Hey,

So my therapist has said that I most likely have generalized anxiety, major depression, and identity disturbance. She has noted, however, that she does not think I qualify for BPD. Most identity disturbance information is really tightly interwoven with BPD research. I originally came in with fears of dissociation and possibly DID. I have a horrifically bad memory, but no full periods of amnesia. That I believe is the biggest reason why we gave up on the DID speculations. Basically I just never feel quite real and I really don't know who I am. I feel very distanced from my self and my surroundings. I don't have many opinions because I don't know where I stand. I can't connect with or open up to others because I have no substanvial core to offer them. I feel powerless. Many times I just want to give it all up entirely.

So, yeah, identity disturbance. Who has it? What's been your experience? How have you learned to live with it?
 
Acorn

Acorn

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
722
Location
England
Hello

I’ve been thinking about how to reply to this post all day. You see it’s something I can deeply relate to but not something I am practiced in talking about. I have bpd and did and with it extreme identity disturbance yet it’s the one symptom I guess I’m ashamed of. Which doesn’t make sense because my other symptoms effect others more and cause more problems.
 
G

Greybird

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
2
Location
USA
Hello

I’ve been thinking about how to reply to this post all day. You see it’s something I can deeply relate to but not something I am practiced in talking about. I have bpd and did and with it extreme identity disturbance yet it’s the one symptom I guess I’m ashamed of. Which doesn’t make sense because my other symptoms effect others more and cause more problems.
Thanks for the reply! I think I'm too early in my diagnosis to be ashamed of identity disturbance. I'd be much more worried about people seeing me depressed than lost in my identity. I'm very reserved and careful about how I let others see me, so it's almost like having no real emotions feels better than falling to the sadness. I don't really cause problems for others, just myself. Yet keeping it to myself also makes me feel very alone. With DID I feel like I would have less control, but more personally. Instead I'm just kind of a hollow shell. When depression does hit it just fills that shell entirely. I don't know what to do honestly.
 
Acorn

Acorn

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
722
Location
England
Yes I see what you mean. Sometimes feeling nothing and disconnected can make it easier to outwardly appear ok.

A hollow shell is a good way of describing it.

I wish I could advise on what to do but I just don’t know myself
 
Eleison

Eleison

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
653
Location
London
For myself, I feel like I have no right to exist, that I don't matter, that I'm invisible.

I'm diagnosed with Borderline PD, but really it's closer to CPTSD.
 
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