• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I'd love to meet more people (ESP LGBT!)--here's a small get-to-know me!

4tututu

4tututu

New member
Joined
Dec 5, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Sri lanka
Hello there!!! I'm a 20 year old (Nov 1st born!) nonbinary person (my pronouns are he/him so please refer to me by them only) and I am a part of the LGBT community! I'm also a scorpio & an ENTP for those who might be curious. I searched for an online forum because I live in a third-world country and it's pretty hard to get a proper diagnosis here, not to mention I have a single mother and she has to support both me and my little sister (she's 16 years old!).

For a background story, I suffered emotional, mental and physical childhood abuse from my dad since I was around 10 till my mom, sister and I fled from the house when I was 19 (aka the start of 2020, before covid, thank god). He physically abused my mother since the start of the marriage, cheated on her, abused her verbally and made her go through the worst experience ever which is traumatizing for me to even remember. He beat both her up as well as me, and sometimes my sister would get hit too because she would jump in trying to save me or my mother.

Basically, when we were living with him, we were on survival mode. No one knew what would happen next, when he'd start beating us up, so we constantly lived in anxiety and I rarely wore earphones because I wanted to be sure I heard it in case my mom screamed.

I've thought about killing my dad for the longest time and even had instances where I genuinely wanted to attempt it. He's an alcohol & cigarette addict & he drank so much that he started having hallucinations & delusions & got hospitalized as well. When he was hospitalized, they got a brainscan of him & the doctor said he has some mental illness but my dad lashed out, fought with the nurses/doctors, and then when he got home he threw all the medicines after looking up on the internet & finding out that they are medicines for mentally ill patients.

I don't know if he had bipolar disorder (which is what I suspect I have) but his own father had done some crazy shit too where he suddenly left home & went to sleep in temples (he was Buddhist).

Either way, we live away from him now. My mom & sister aren't really close to me and they can both be extremely insensitive because I tend to get suicidal at times when my mom used to compare me to my dad (which is my biggest fear ever because I've had plans of killing myself in case I ever perform a single action similar to him).

November 1st was my birthday and when we were living with my dad, he started huge fights & I spent my birthdays crying & growing to hate the day. I don't know if it was that but this time, even tho we were living apart from him, I had a huge depressive episode. I was suicidal to the point where it's all I graphically imagined, & I even started crying for no absolute reason, & I slept almost all day. When I started crying out of nowhere, it woke my mother up & we agreed to go see a doctor.

There, the psychiatrist told me I probably have depression, even though I told him that I sometimes tend to have really happy moods. So I haven't gotten a proper diagnosis (even for my depression) and we live in a 3rd world country (sri lanka) where psychiatry isn't as advanced so I think I'd get a better, firmer diagnosis from a psychiatrist of another country.

Either way, I've been in contact with my clinical psychologist at University and she believes I don't show simple symptoms of just depression. So I'm super lost & I also have the habit of minimizing my struggles (so I often feel like my abuse from my dad wasn't even That bad, etc) so I'm not a really dependable person to myself.

I hope by joining this forum I can genuinely find some help and a better understanding (whether I have bipolar, just depression, or some other disorder).

Thank you for reading so far! I hope to meet & become close to people here, especially those of my age & especially if they are LGBT because it is very lonely being a minority in this country :/ !
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
Your birth, you need to celebrate the day you came into the world. Try to remove those bad associations as soon as you can and value you for you, the individual you are and who i am sure is going to make a good contribution to the world. Maybe one day you will be able to look after your mother and sister was it?

I have always wanted to go to Sri Lanka and see the wildlife. Your country has quite a sad history too though, from what i can remember.

Parents with a mental illness can do so much damage to a family as they are growing up. When we become adults, we have to learn quickly how life should have been and get there fast, whilst having lots of sympathy and understanding for ourselves and others.
 
W

writergirl

Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Texas
Nice to meet you. I am an aries sun and scorpio moon....Lesbian, and looking forward to being on these forums.
 
Jam1990

Jam1990

Well-known member
Joined
May 22, 2020
Messages
406
Location
earth
Great to meet you. I’m also a Scorpio, gay, and an INTJ. I also struggle with depression. I’ve been struggling with it for as long as I can remember because I grew up in an area where being gay was looked down upon.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,941
Location
Glasgow
Great to meet you. I’m also a Scorpio, gay, and an INTJ. I also struggle with depression. I’ve been struggling with it for as long as I can remember because I grew up in an area where being gay was looked down upon.
Boo to scorpio's, Sagittarius rule 😜😜 only kidding. Welcome! Peace and love ✌
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello and a warm welcome to the forum. :)
 
J

JoeSmith1977

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Palm Springs
You and I had similar upbringings (the abuse was all encompassing from multiple step dads). It’s totally screwed my life up, but you’re young so maybe I can help you avoid some of the same mistakes I have. I grew up to hate my mom’s boyfriends, and that hate turned me into them without me even knowing it. I have a feeling some of the abuse is why I’m gay. Anyhow. “Hi”, hang in there, and happy to be of any help.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
Magenta_Crayon Hello! I love meeting other people that get me & understand how it feels to be bipolar!💗 Introduce Yourself 8
S I don't think I love anyone Introduce Yourself 16
Antimatter Hi, Big Fan, love the show... Introduce Yourself 18
C What is love? Introduce Yourself 4
Archangel Uriel Will Love find me or do I have to find it? Introduce Yourself 30
R Cannot feel love Introduce Yourself 6
Finn the Human Hi guys! I'm new here, and i really love you Introduce Yourself 6
Tallmadwoman Hey im new to this but desperate to meet new people who deal with what i do Introduce Yourself 14
Dais Hi, nice to meet everyone! Introduce Yourself 11
SlowlyUnravels Hey... Nice to meet you :) Introduce Yourself 15
F Pleased to meet you Introduce Yourself 7
A Nice to meet you all! Important med question, too (: Introduce Yourself 4
W Hello everyone & lovely to meet you! Introduce Yourself 4
A Hi! Glad to meet you Introduce Yourself 9
M Hey, nice to meet you all Introduce Yourself 3
T Pleased to meet you all Introduce Yourself 5
M Nice to meet you Introduce Yourself 2
B Hi im new here nice to meet you Introduce Yourself 7
B Hi I am new here. I wanted to meet with some people Introduce Yourself 4
Pretty Dragons New here. Nice to meet you all! Introduce Yourself 4
J Hey I'm new here and want to meet some people to express myself Introduce Yourself 14
Star_light Hi. Nice to meet you. Introduce Yourself 9
J Hi.brand new to this.i have just been diagnosed with clclothymic disorder.any advice on this would be more than grateful.thanks. Introduce Yourself 6
M I’m Mona and I’m glad to be a part of the forum,,, sometimes because I’m feeling more lonely than I would like to nowadays Introduce Yourself 8
C More than a little lost, and fearing for my future. Introduce Yourself 2
L One more for the pile Introduce Yourself 4
D no more hope Introduce Yourself 1
C Health Anxiety - How it can make you increasingly more ill. Introduce Yourself 5

Similar threads

Top