I'd like there to be anything else than self loathing.

Soul_Deeps

Soul_Deeps

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#1
But there isn't. Why can't I just erase all memories and start new as a child, become someone else.

I watched the movie Inside Out and it's destroying me.
 
calypso

calypso

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#2
I don't know that film. If you are getting memories that disturb you that much why don't you try some counselling to see if you can learn some techniques to cope with them. Mindfulness also helps when the brain won't stop harassing us this way. There is a type of technique in the Home pages of this forum.

How do I start practicing mindfulness? | Mental Health Forum

Do you want to talk about what has triggered all these memories or what they are about? I suspect you will find people on here really understand.
 
Soul_Deeps

Soul_Deeps

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#3
It's an animation movie about an eleven year old girl having a hard time. It has an unique approach of showing emotions as people in her head who are maintaining and creating memories. It goes never very deep or into detail, but just the topics shown and how they are presented makes it so painful to watch. You can see depression, anxiety, trauma, loneliness, selfishness, family, emotional instability, numbness of feelings, sadness, frustration, multiple stuff regarding memories and being young. It visualises fundamentals of personality falling apart.
I have big issues with identity and a giant deep and dark hole where those things fell into was a good way of visualising how the deep emptyness inside of me attempts to devour every part of my personality. A personality which is built upon very fragile foundations.
Sometimes I wonder if that kind of stuff is really a kids movie.
Having to deal with the thought that I am past that point of youth is very tough when I am stuck at the feeling of being 14 in my mind. When I look into the mirror, I can't see myself.
I don't even think that movie is triggering specific memories in me. It's just my whole life, mainly childhood and youth.
 
Soul_Deeps

Soul_Deeps

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#4
Maybe someone will invent a machine during my lifetime, which you could use to make yourself as young as you want. I would make myself a child and then, after some time I would search for stuff from my then old life to figure out why I saw the need to reset myself.
 

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